Fellow VSGrs, I have a huge dilema. My husband and I will be traveling this weekend to a family get together (surprise 70th birthday for his Dad). Nobody in my husbands family has seen me since the surgery and my dilema is: I am so excited for everyone to see the "New Me", but last year one of my husbands "step/half brothers" passed away. He had started the insurance approval process for the lap-band (I'm guessing he weighed between 300-400 pounds) and during the process he suffered a heart attack. He left behind a wife and 3 young children.

How do I handle this? I don't want to upset anybody in the family and while I'm sure they will be happy for me I am also sure everybody at some point will be thinking "what if he had started the process sooner" or something along those lines.

Thanks for any words of wisdom and/or guidance given.

Karen

Karen, I think your family will be so happy to see how much healthier you are that even if they do think "what if he had started the process sooner," they will still be glad for you. If you get even a touch of negative feedback, I'll be really surprised. If someone says, "Gee, I wish ___ had gotten to have his surgery," you can always reply honestly, "Me, too--it's really been a blessing for me," or something honest that you feel. But I'd be really surprised if it comes up like that.

I hope you enjoy yourself and can relax with your family. I haven't seen my brother's family since a couple of months post-op and I'm down 80 pounds since then--I'm looking forward to having them see "the new me," but more than that, I'm looking forward to being able to visit them without worrying about how I look or all the formerly pressing problems (where do I sit, do we really have to go swimming, I hate that I'm so hot and sweaty, etc. etc. etc.). Enjoy your visit!

Your father-in-law's 70th birthday will seem to be a joyous ocassion and no doubt everyone will see how much you've transformed, and you'll receive compliments. I think if I was in the same situation I would probably just say 'thank you'. If anyone directly asks about how you went about your weight loss, then I would just answer truthfully, or just say you could share with them 'later' in the evening when you're able to have a more initmate conversation. Good luck, but more importantly, enjoy celebrating the birthday with your husband.

You just can't think about it like that - and it sounds like maybe you think too much about it.

Let it go with a big deep breath. I lost an aquaintance who never got to her first post on this forum (I found it out about 2 weeks ago) we had been texting after meeting in the doctors office, then nothing...don't let death rule you while you are living...I have had to deal with that too much.

Bright pink and red energy for you to use to burn away the worries...