Man, I'm in a bad spot right now. I hate change! Change always screws with me- makes me doubt myself, and I hate doubting because I am better than that! I can't believe how different life is. I don't know if I want to cry or if I want to scream or Celebrate. I have no idea... all I know is..its different. ahh yes, change.

I've had several major changes happen in my life at the same time... I am starting grad school in NYC (I've lived in NYC for 4 years for undergrad, but now I am changing schools), I'm moving into my first apartment, and of course, the lapband.

Recently, I've been a little down because I don't know how to look at myself and feel beautiful anymore-- because all I see is pounds I want gone. I used to see the beauty within, and now all I see are flaws. I thought changing my body would help me gain confidence, and now I'm losing it. I'm addicted to my scale, I think I'm eating too much, I concentrate on the foods that go into my mouth way too much. Its become unhealthy, and I'm not happy. I've lost two dear friends that helped me cope with my inabilities- food and alcohol. I was so dependant on alcohol as a social lubricant, that I have no idea how to party without it, and at the end of the night, food can't comfort me either. I thought it would be easy to have lapband in the city- to control what I eat and how much, but its the hardest thing! I am constantly obsessing about food and when I go out to eat with friends, I have to make sure I can eat something there. Food never leaves my mind- and its not head hunger, its not real hunger, and I'm not eating it... I just never stop thinking about it. And when food is not on my mind, I feel like an outsider... a weird "thing" with a device inside me. I feel funny when my friends talk about food... and when I chime in about something, I feel weird because I know they know I can't have that type of food (i.e. hotdogs). And then I have the feeling as no one around me can know what it feels like to be banded.... my mom had the surgery too, but she's 200 miles away now. Its just a weird feeling, being on your own, banded, and starting a new life.

Has anyone else felt slightly worse and insecure about lapband? Does it get better or should I see someone for help? I was trying to get through this on my own because I am strong, just unsure of the future? What do you think?

I think even without it being food, you have a lot on your plate right now! I understand somewhat the constant food obssession. I do believe tho, that as you get into your new life, and school starts filling your mind with other things, and you become adjusted to your new eating habits, it will ease up. However giving up food and alcohol, at the same time, while it is an awesome accomplishment, must be a struggle!! Sounds like some depression may have kicked in. Maybe seeing a Dr. would help. If you don't have anyone near you for support, it is going to be much easier to drink again, or simply eat the worng things for successful weight loss...ice cream, pudding, etc. As for eating out with friends, afte the first couple of times in a place, you will find some things you can fall back on to order. And as far as talking about it, just try to do it with humor. I eat hotdogs...but there was a time I couldn't. Just go slow, and try things, you will find your life settling down. I hope it hurries for you!!! I do want to say again how great it is that you gave up both food and alcohol all at one time, in new surroundings, you are a strong gal!!!

Good Luck, keep coming back here, there are so many people with such good advice!! You can get support any time!!!

Kat

Hi Leona:

I was banded in July as well and have gone through some bumps. I think it's normal and it hits us all at different times. I freaked out at having a foreign thing in my body and felt like "what have I done and get it out of me now!"

That's totally better now.

As for the social thing...I do understand about loosing your confidence. Maybe you were comfortable in who you were and now that your body as well as lifestyle is changing, it's a liitle unsettling. I hate change as well and going out without alcohol as liquid courage is kind of scary. Everyone around you is having a great time and you have to socialize stone sober. Maybe that's OK though. You're a smart, funny and lovely girl who can stand on her own and prove to yourself that you can have a great time without the aid of alcohol

I went out with a group of friends Thursday night. It was my 1st time out after surgery and I was a nervous wreck. So I piled on the makeup and wore the sassiest thing I could find.....and I had a great time.

I think talking to a counselor is such a wise thing in times of major change. It helps keep you grounded and makes this transitional time not so scary. LOL Who knew that shedding all this weight could be so complicated????

Best of luck to you....I think that once you work through the kinks you'll enjoy your banded life much more!

Stefani

Thanks for your support! I guess I just needed reminding that I am worth it. Stesi- my mom went throught the freaking out about having something in her body thing too- she had it right after surgery.

And even though I know I have a lot going on right now, I didn't know how much it would affect me, so talking to someone might be a good thing! I have to go now, but I just wanted to say thank you for responding and putting it into perspective! Sometimes when you're in a situation, you need outsiders to help you see things clearly.

Thanks, I really appreciate your kindness!