DD is going to be 3.5 yrs next month. I have some concerns about how she will process (cognitively) mommy only eating tiny amounts of food. When I had my band she wasn't really old enough to notice or mimic my behaviors, and when she was old enough I was slipped and mostly maintaining voluntary portion control so my meals were largely "normal" or I could just tell her "mommy's not hungry" or "mommy doesn't feel good in her tummy" and she wasn't yet picking up on the recurring pattern. This is going to be a totally different scenario.

I know the effects that mothers with eating disorders can have on their children, especially female children. I'm starting to think about how I can help my daughter not be affected by continuously seeing mommy eat only tiny amounts of food, and process it in a way that's mentally healthy.

What are you mommies of young ones doing to help your kid(s) not begin to see your few bites as a "normal" meal, and thus migrate that into their own eating disorders?

I am amazed when I get my food- I weigh it on my little food scale- at how much 4 oz. can look like! I think it is actually a reasonable, healthy looking amount of food. Restaurants and t.v. and our ever growing appetites for....everything available to us now....have convinced us that we need to fill a large dinner plate to look like we're having an appropriate amount of food. I don't think your eating habits will, in any way, scar your child. I think it will impart self control.

I have three sons, two of which are having some weight control issues, and I'm trying soooo hard not to put the trips on them that were put on me as a kid. They are a little older and they are boys, so they're not as concerned about body image, but they know why I'm eating this way, and I'm trying to encourage them to make healthier choices, eat slower, take smaller bites..etc. I just hope they're listening!

My daughter is 3.5 I have been totally open and honest with her about everything that is going on with me and this surgery. Of course I keep on her level but I want her to know that I am doing this to be healthy to live a longer life and be there for her and our family.

Before I had this surgery I was explaining to her that I was having surgery because I was too big, I said this is all fat (pointing to my rolls) and it is making me sick. I am going to have a smaller stomach so I can lose the fat and be a smaller mommy. .. She says to me but I like you fat. When I grow up I want to be a fat mommy just like you. If you get smaller I won't be able to love you anymore.. This broke my heart.. and even typing this it still does. She has no idea what it is like to have normal healthy mother. In the past I have always been too tired or too embarrassed to go out and do stuff with her. So I told her and I made her look right at me when I did. You will be able to love me just the same because I am the same mommy. I will just be smaller. I will be able to run with you and go to the parks and do all the fun things you always want to go do. I told her that Me, Daddy, and her will be healthy together and live long long lives.. This seemed to make her think and she had lots of other questions which I answered the best I could. I think it will be an on going thing to make sure she understands what healthy is and how important it is. I was never taught these things and look where it got me. I lived with mental and physical abuse from about her age until the age of 16 and I ate my feelings away. she will never have those problems but I make sure she is strong and confident and knows that she is loved no matter what.

Sorry I kinda went off here but I feel so strongly about this.

I guess the bottom line is being honest about your struggles. Like what got you to where you are. How much you wish you would have eaten healthy when you were younger so you didn't have to have surgery. ( this is really just in my case I know not everyone has the same story) It is a hard thing for a small child to understand but I think the more you talk about it and the older she gets the more she will understand. Set a good example and she will see that. You are taking care of yourself not like someone with an eating disorder. It's not only the amount of food a child sees you eat when you have an eating disorder. Its also all the other destructive things they hear and see that goes along with it.

I am 5 weeks out now and down 38lbs and she sees me eat everyday. We all have dinner together as a family every night and there have been no negative comments from her so far with the amount I am eating. She thinks it's fun that I use her plates now and daddy has big ones. I make things we can all have and she actually is one of the healthiest eaters I have ever seen in a 3 year old. She loves her raw green veggies and fruit. She even has her own smoothie with me in the morning with my shake.. Of course hers is just fruit and yogurt not Protein powders like mine but it's something we share together. I have tried very hard to start her off in life with eating good healthy foods. I am so glad it stuck!

I hope this helps some. Good luck with your surgery.

"She says to me but I like you fat. When I grow up I want to be a fat mommy just like you. If you get smaller I won't be able to love you anymore.. This broke my heart.. and even typing this it still does."

AWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Bless her heart!!!!!!