I am 25 years old, 5 feet nine inches tall, and I weigh 330lbs. I am in a size 24 pants. I look at myself all of the time and am just disgusted with the way that I look anymore. It brings me up when people tell me that something I am wearing is cute, but then I think to myself, "It would look even cuter if I didn't have rolls hanging out." I know people say big women (or men) are beautiful, but I beg to differ. Yes there are other beautiful women that are big, and they can look amazing, but I don't feel that I am one of them.

I am sick of going into a bathroom stall and having to practically straddle the toilet to be able to close the door. I am sick of going to amusement parks with my family, and when my nephew asks me to go on certain rides with him, I tell him no, not because I don't want to, but because I am scared of being embarrassed that I won't fit. I am sick of not being comfortable when I sit in certain chairs because the arms of the chair dig into my sides. I am sick of having to pay a lot of money for clothes, when I really don't get a huge selection to choose from. I have a sore knee, and when I went to my doctor, he told me that the pain would go away if I lost weight. I hate going to the doctor to have my blood pressure taken and they have to use the larger cuff around my arm because the smaller one doesn't fit. When I fly on an airplane I don't want to have to make the seatbelt the biggest it will go, and still fear that I may have to ask for an extender. I want to be able to go to a baseball game and sit comfortably next to someone else without having to cross my arms over my chest so that we all have enough arm room.

My doctor told me back in January that I am definitely a candidate for WLS. So he referred me to the surgeon's office. I called the surgeon's office and got the list of seminars in the mail. I attended a seminar, and then I was told that I could make an appointment to go see the surgeon. On May 18th, I saw the surgeon, and he suggested that since I still want to have children in the future that the sleeve is the way to go. Since speaking to the surgeon I was waiting months for a call from them to set up appointments for pre-op testing. No one really told me about going back to see the doctor for my required 6 monthly visits. I then went for SOME of the pre-op testing. And by some I mean that I had an ultra-sound, chest x-rays, and I had to drink barium. But I asked one of the ladies that was doing the testing if I was really supposed to be there, because like I said before, I hadn't seen a doctor regularly to even try to start the 6 months supervised diet. They then called the surgeons office, and I ended up not doing the EKG or the blood work. I will have to do that later. But if the surgeon's office knows all of this information then why did they schedule me to go? I still haven't heard anymore about my tests, but it was two weeks ago. I am really frustrated, because I know this is a long process, but it seems like with me it is taking extra long.

I am really looking forward to doing the exact opposite of all of the things I mentioned before. I haven't been buying new clothes, because I feel it is pointless to spend all of the money on something new and I won't be able to wear it for very long. Although my mom and sister are excited for me to have the surgery because they will get all of my hand-me downs. They are also happy for me because they want me to be healthy. I am extremely excited and I can't wait until my surgery, but I feel like the process needs to go faster!!! To me it sounds like they are trying to tell me that I can't start the 6 month process until I start seeing the exercise specialist, dietician, and nutritionist. But I have heard otherwise. If anyone has any input on any of the information I have mentioned just let me know. I am not all emotional about this, yet. I am just trying to put down everything that is going through my mind right now. I love to talk about this and read what everyone has to say.

I am sick of going to my regular PCP and having these skinny girls that weigh me. I then feel like an idiot because deep down I know they are judging me.

Ah yes. I had one doctor who was a weight snob and so was his staff. He was one of those: "I don't believe in meds or weight loss surgery because you are just lazy and eat like a pig." doctors. I was going to him almost daily and they would weigh me every FREAKING day.

He also gave my daughter a Hep B shot when I requested Hep A and he was a cruddy doctor to boot.

These posts are great and oh so true. I feel the same way about those flimsy white plastic lawn chairs,lol Being obese becomes a way of life, you start to automatically accept and know the things that you can't do. Thanks to the sleeve we know longer have to accept being a second class citizen.