Kind of the hindsight thread to what you will do when you reach goal...

Here are some of things that I avoided because of my size:

Going on many vacations, because they are to warm destinations and I'm so far out of my comfort level in shorts or bathing suits. I remember when Atlantis first opened, I told DH I wanted to go there, so he said, "I"ll go book tickets!" and I stopped him, because I couldn't stand the thought of going there like I was, and all that would entail.

Going to many social events where I knew I would find people I hadn't seen in a while, such as reunions, because I did not want to subject myself to the judgement and disapproval of having gained weight. This includes year after year of excuses as to why I didn't accompany my husband when he went home (Europe) to visit his family - there simply aren't a lot of fat people there, I didn't want to feel like a freak, and the largest they'd seen me was about 70 lbs ago (which means nearly 150lbs lower than my surgery weight).

Avoiding pictures of all kinds - especially portrait pictures, much to my mother's chagrin. She's a picture lady, if you know what I mean, and with one exception, the last portrait she has of me is the picture DH and I took to include in our engagement announcements. That was 1997.

Being comfortable in the summer... it gets really hot here, and really humid, and for a whole bunch of years I've sweat my way through it in jeans or capris, and oversized tshirts because I was not comfortable showing my legs, and wouldn't dream of anything resembling a tank top. With the weight I've lost so far this has gotten better... I've moved into knee length skirts, and today have on a semi tank top, but shorts are still out of the question. That's something I'm really looking forward to next summer, if my weightloss continues... being able to go tank top & shorts... or a halter... I haven't done that comfortably for more than 10 years... and that really sucks when it's 105 w/ 90% humidity out!

Going to the doctor when I've needed to. I know it sounds stupid, but facing the embarassment of getting weighed, and knowing there was little chance I'd even register on the scale, was enough to keep me from seeing the doctor on a few occasions when I probably should have.

Lots of what could have been fun times, going out w/ people DH knows, joining clubs/organizations around, etc. because I didn't want to subject myself to the jdugement of being the super fat girl. And in a weird way that's hard to explain, I didn't want to subject DH to having to be seen with me... which wouldn't bother him at all, I know...

...and lots more, that hopefully will never be an issue again one of these days. :confused:

Definitely can relate to most all of those. In particular just going out in general has been pure agony for me up until my surgery. I didn't want to embarass my bfriend by being all fat and gross looking at parties, bars,etc. I was athletic and toned when I met him and we used to always go out but as I ballooned up to morbidly obese I never wanted to go out for fear of ridicule. The doctor was another big one I avoided. Hated the scales. And I think I am only in about two sets of pictures in the past 2 years b/c of my weight problem. I would always get them developed and just cry and cry.....pictures always give you a good reality check on how big you really are. You see what other ppl see when they look at you. not always a good thing. I am SO GLAD to have my life back!!

~Liz~

banded 03/10/06

241/189/150

5'7''

I agree wiht all of youyrs but here are a few of mine:

High heels...cant do it im afraid they will break

I wear shorts because im way to hot natured but wont do skirts

wear tank tops at HOME

cant ride amusment park rides..go to Water parks VERY RARELY but stay in lazy river

wont attempt to get on a boat

always worried when i walk across a wooden deck or up wooden steps

Hate walking across a parking lot in the rain im always afraid ill slip and fall

wont swim in front of my brother and his family..they are all sporty and fit and tend to make fun..cant wait to do that!

cant sit in just any chair

Cant buy just any necklace or bracelet

Always need seat belt extensions

Teenagers tend to make the most fun if walking through a mall

cant go through a turnstyle

riding a airplane always gets nerves up due to small aisle, seats, people looks

as a teen i rode horses alot..i wont atempt it now

I go to the deserted parts of the beaches

I too have family in europe that come here to visit and i so want to go to see them..but wont at this weight

I could go on and on! I have a NSV goal sheet i typed up and have in my weightloss binder/journal and i add to it when i think of different things..it helps alot to check things off!:clap2:

I haven't had surgery yet, but I can tell you some things I know I'm avoiding. I am two classes away from getting a certification I want but these last two classes aren't online, they are in person! yikes. What if I get to the classroom and they have those chairs with the attached desktops? So I quit working on the certification. I avoid people I haven't seen in a long time because I have gained one hundred plus lbs. since they saw me last. I avoid retreats at my church because I don't want to share a room with anyone and probably nobody wants to either. I avoid amusement/theme parks. I can't hold up, stamina wise, and the bar won't go over my belly on the rides. I avoid photos and people don't want to take my picture either. I avoid my big brother because he is a skinny person and very critical of me, so is his wife. I'll stop there.

I'm just starting the process of surgeon/insurance at BMI 49.

The first thing I do when I walk into a room is check out which chair would be the best so I can get in and out of it without embarrassment.

I don't wear sleeveless shirts or shirts that don't cover my tummy.

I always get in the back row for family photos (fortunately I'm tall so that works OK).

I don't wear skirts because I feel like they emphasize my size...can't wait to wear a flowy, sexy skirt eventually.

I'd love to go to Italy but am putting it off until I can walk more comfortably for a longer time.

There are lots more things, but those are the few I can think of on the spur of the moment.

Emily

Very good thread! I've always told myself that I didn't let my weight stop me from doing things, but that's not true.

I too avoid being in pictures. I tend to be the one taking them whenever possible.

There are clothes I would love to wear, shorts in the summer and such that I don't.

I hate to fly, so try not to. I could visit my brother and esp. my niece more if I flew.

Something that I would NEVER do before weightloss is look at men (not related to me) in the EYES.

I would just make eye contact then look away or down or something.

But now I make total eye contact with everyone - including men - and I smile.

Something about the eye connection thing that has changed for me.

Lots of those mentioned above are also different now.

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" width="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">It seems that for so many years I have "put off" living until I am smaller.

I kept telling myself that "next year at this time I wont look like this" and next year has always been the same or worse. I have been obese since I was 10. The thought that I have missed alot in life because of my weight has been depressing me more and more in the past 5 years.

I don't go to amusement parks or water parks because everyone wonders why I wont participate. I stopped after my son and I waited in line for a ride for an hour only to be told that I was too big and had to leave the ride.:confused:

I don't go to my DH's holiday parties at work. I've never even met his coworkers of 6 years.

I don't go to the mall because I get too depressed that I can't wear most of the clothes they offer.

I despise and avoid airplanes because too often the seatbelt doesn't fit and I have to "fake it" until the attendant walks by and my lower body will squeeze in the seat but my upper body takes over more that my share.

I won't let my boys' friends over when I'm in the pool. I'm embarrassed for them.

Now that I have the band, my thought processes are changing. I'm actually considering DH's Christmas party...maybe.

I'm already planning next summer.

I have 5 active boys who are contstantly begging me to go with them to the water park.

:clap2: I'm thinking SEASON TICKETS for Christmas presents (mine too!).:clap2:

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Well, my tenative date to be banded is August 9th. I knew it was time to do something serious when for once, my weight was keeping me from doing what I wanted to do.

I almost hyperventalate wondering if the airplane seatbelt will fit.

I refuse to put on a swimsuit

I do not allow myself to be in photos

My boyfriend is a marathon runner and am horrified that people are shocked he is with a fat chic

I havent worn shorts in at least 5 years

I cant go on roller coasters even though they are my favorite

I havent tucked in a shirt in prob 10 years

I am always afraid a chair will break

and ten million more things..I was starting to think I was a psycho..thanks so much for posting this!!!! I dont feel like such a freak eyeing up a bar stool before getting on it!!

My husband is a pro photographer and I rarely let him take my picture.:tired I feel really bad because our son has grown up right before our eyes and I would never do a family portrait. One of my biggest goals is to do our family portrait when I am close to goal.:biggrin1:

My list is pretty much the same as everyone elses.

1. Avoid seeing anyone I haven't seen in the last couple of years because

I'm embarrassed about how much weight I've gained.

2. Avoid many social situations particularly when I have to meet new

people.

3. I also HATE going to the doctor and have to be almost on my deathbed

before I will visit one.

4. Avoid going to new restaurants because I'm worried that I won't fit in

their chairs comfortably (this happened a month ago in a Mexican

restaurant... the chair was a wooden "tub" chair and I was squeezed

in so tight around my hips I felt like a muffin!

5. I hate shopping for clothes...I can't wait to wear great clothes!

6. I avoid mirrors whenever I can, actually I haven't seen myself

properly in a fulllength mirror for years.

7. No high heels for me as I'm also worried I'll break them or my ankle.

8. I have not been able to wear a belt for 7 years....because I look like

a sack tied in the middle.

9. I look for the most secluded part of the beach and HATE walking from

the sand to the Water to swim....I feel like eveyone is looking at the

FAT woman waddling to the water.

10. I avoid amusements park rides, horse riding, motorbikes, motorcycles,

boats, scooters, chairlifts, anything where my weight could cause

embarrassment.

11. I try to travel business class as often as possible beacuse I am

terrified that if I travel economy (coach) that THIS time the belt may

not fit.

12. I rarely weigh myself....not worth putting myself through the torture

although I believe my fear of the scales is one reason I became obese.

I had NO idea how huge I had become.

13. Avoid sex with my gorgeous husband because I FEEL FAT!

14. I won't use public swimming pools (thank god we have our own) but

I also won't swim in our pool if friends are here.

15. Won't go snow skiing because my suit is way too small and I don't

want to buy a new one because I look like the "michelin man"...also

the chairlift situation.

16. I haven't been to any "black tie" event for 7 years because I have

nothing to wear and refuse to buy any evening gown in a size 20...

they are all hideous and I end up looking like I'm wearing a parachute

17. I never wear shorts

18. I have recently started avoiding certain people who make me feel

uncomfortable because of my size....a particular friend who is a

size 8 and is always trying to "help" me by suggesting certain

exercises, diets and basically making me feel worse than I already do.

19. I do not like to eat at a smorgassboard or buffets because I think

people are looking at how much food I am dishing up on my plate and

when I do eat at one I never fill my plate and usually go home hungry.

20. And last but not least I find that the bigger I've become the more

I have hidden myself away from people.......I can't wait to loose some

weight and stop feeling so self-concious about my appearance.

Phew!

I avoided social situations (eating in particular)

Swimming (who wanted, or deserved to see ME in a swimsuit?)

Work. My work was physically demanding, and by the time I got to my highest weight, I ended up quitting.

Wearing high heels. I was forever breaking the heel.

And I very rarely had my photo taken. Can you guess why? lol

Horse back riding, I've never ever been on a horse, and I really want to learn how to ride, but am going to wait until I've lost weight.

Going to social events where I know I'll be the only big person, like at very popular night clubs that tend to have just the 'young beautiful thin' people there. I'll go to events and clubs and social situations where I know other heavy people are going, but if I think I may be the only one, I'm not comfortable going.

Return to kickboxing, I've told my DH that I haven't gone back mostly because as I got heavier and with the meds I take, I get overheated too easily and I can't keep up, which is true, but it's not the only factor. The largest size martial arts uniform they have no longer fit! I could get into the largest size pants, but just barely, and you can't do martial arts in a skin tight uniform. I could probably special order some martial arts pants from somewhere (or maybe not), but our school supplier only went up to that size. Also just embarassed to show up to classes that big, when I used to teach there, and be so much smaller.

Lots of physical goals that I can't do now because I don't have the ability to because my cardio isn't good enough that I want to build back up to, like long hikes in the woods. Even long city walks, I used to love hiking and walking everywhere, now the shortest walks are a hellish struggle. I'm buying a pedometer next chance I get, I'm going to monitor myself for a few days to get a baseline of my normal activity, and then work on adding an extra hundred steps to my baseline each and every day till I'm walking 10,000 steps each day. Then I'll see if I want to increase the goal after that.

My 20th high school reunion is this summer, and I tell myself and other people that I would go, but right now we are travelling all over Canada and the US in an RV, so I'm literally on the other side of the continent, busy with my travels. I was thin and modelling in high school, and not popular at all, horribly teased. The reality is, if I felt I was beautiful and not overweight now, I would probably take a break from travelling and go. The reality is, if I wasn't travelling and was right in the neighbourhood of my reunion, I still wouldn't go, not at this weight. I'd be embarassed to think everyone would be thinking 'wow, look what happened to her! She's gotten huge!'. The crazy thing is, I don't have anyone at that reunion that I was friends with in high school, I have no reason to go what so ever. No one there was ever nice to me. It would be totally motivated from a not healthy place to go to 'flaunt' success. Since I feel even though I've been successful in other areas of my life, that my weight has been such a failure, I would never go as is. It makes me kind of angry at myself for having that degree of 'shallowness' inside me, but it's there.

XO

Leila

Ever since I decided to go ahead and get the surgery, I have been thinking about this a lot. Most of mine are the same, but here ya go.

1. I love to travel, which I have avoided because of airplane seats and because I am to embarrassed to admit that walking up a short hill tires me out.

2. Clothes shopping. I hate to buy clothes because they are so ugly. Fat doesn't equal blind!

3. My parents live on a sail boat, and I avoid visiting because I am too heavy for the ladder that goes down into the cabin. And when I step onto the boat it about tips over.

4. Soon, I will be done with my degree (at 32, go me!) and my new job will require standing in front of people. Not so much something I want to do at my weight now. Not to mention I don't know if I could stand for an hour and a half straight.

5. Exercise. I love to bike, hike, canoe, kayak...none of which I can do now.

6. Act. Be on stage. When I was younger, I was always onstage for something. I acted, I wrote, I was amazing...but then I got fat. No one wants the fatty onstage.

7. Sit cross legged on the ground with friends. Yeah, I can't get up without help, and my legs fall asleep.

8. Finally go do stand up comedy. I have wanted to do this for years, but I don't want to be a "fat comic".

Ok, that is good for now.

Hi!

I love this thread topic because it just makes me so sad and mad to realize all the living we've missed out on! I'm so glad there's a place we can share these things!

Here's my list -

Only tables at restaurants because my stomach touches the table if I'm put in a booth.

I refuse to swim even though it's excellent exercise and something I love because of obvious swimsuit issues and the embarrassment that ensues.

I go to parties and events but hesitantly and I don't enjoy them because I feel like the most huge person on the face of the earth and surely everyone is talking about my enormous stature under their breath.

I have made up excuses to not go to the lake with a dear friend and boat, swim, ski, wave run, etc because of the swim suit issue named above.

This same friend wants me to sky dive with him - okay he's a little crazy but can you imagine a woman the size of a baby elephant dropping from the sky? Even in a best case scenario I'd surely break something in the landing and by the way, how big would my parachute have to be anyway?

No snow skiing, class reunions, cute clothes - I could go on forever.... My tiny adult niece told me last summer that I should wear smaller clothes. I pulled my baggy shirt next to my body and asked her if that was really a better look for me (this brought to light the rolls I was hiding) and she agreed that baggy was a better option....

So, I'm getting really excited about getting my band (8-17 with Rumbaut) and I think it's mostly because I'm going to get some confidence back and be able to not worry so much about what everyone else is thinking because I'll just blend into the crowd. I'll never be the knock out that turns heads when I enter a room and that's just fine with me, but I'm also really hoping that the days of turning heads just because I'm so damn fat are getting close to over!

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest! I think we all can feel each other's pain on this thread - I'm so glad we can share these things - it really helps!

Andy Liz

Wow, so many of these things are true for me too.

I avoid pictures. I've even cut up and thrown some away of me.

There is no full length mirror in the house.

I avoid SO MANY social situations.

I stopped riding my horses.

I don't even want people over to my house.

I don't speak up in conversations - dont want people thinking who's the fat lady with the big mouth!

I've hidden myself too. Just too hard to get out there in public.

No swimming or sun bathing.

Avoiding the doctors office

Avoiding the dentist office - those skinny little dentist chairs - my arms hang out and it's so uncomfortable.

It's a wonder hubby even wants to be around me, but he has been so supportive of my decision to have this done.

Terry