What did you tell your kids?

[Lanette 124]

My kids are 4 & 7 and I'm just not sure what or how much to tell them about my VSG. They know I had surgery but I've been very vague about why. Now they CANNOT understand why I'm eating Soup with baby spoons while they have my favorite foods. I'm torn between telling them because I want them to understand and not explaining it because I don't want them telling their friends/teachers, etc. Now....I haven't been keeping it a secret, but haven't been broadcasting it yet either though. Anyway, just wondering how you guys have handled this.

[ashleyc 10]

I have 3 young kids, 7, 4 and 3. I am telling them every step of the way. I am trying to explain it to the younger ones so that they can understand it. They think I am going to go to the doctor and he is just going to make me skinny right then. Good luck telling your kids!!

[Cmsumom 5]

Well- since I have had a hysterectomy and then later surgery to have my ovaries and a large tumor removed- they know mommy has had surgery before- "to make me feel better" - So I plan to do the same on this one- mommy just doesn't feel good and this surgery is to help me to get to feeling better so I can be happier, healthier and we can do more things together- that's my story- my kids are 6 and 10- and definately if they asked more than that I would not lie to them-

[renniemommie 8]

better to tell them and take chances they will tell (whatever they understand to) friends (who won't care) and teachers (who won't care, don't have time to digest the kid twisted story), but they will be confused and could come up with some other sort of crazy story in their own little heads about why you are eating Soup. Keep it simple.

[Amanda131 214]

I have a three year old who is very verbal and inquisitive. She knows Mommy stomach was hurt and that I had an operation to make it better. She also knows that Mommy doesn't like or can't eat some foods since I had my stomach surgery. Granted she's younger than your kiddos but these basic explanations seemed to help her move on from all of the questions. I am a big fan of never lying to my child but I also know that some concepts are more than she needs to be burdened with right now. Best of luck to you with your decision!

Amanda

[Tiffykins 672]

My son is a few years older (12 now) was 10 when I had my revision, and only 9 when I had my band. Just because of the relationship we have, I was okay with telling him. Plus, we've always had a rule in this house that "what transpires, is said, is shared, in this house, stays in this house". He knows better than to broadcast our private lives, our private medical issues, and he's never been the type to share sensitive information. He was scared and nervous, but I also told him that I had to do something other dieting to lose weight. He had witnessed "mommy dieting" for years. Hell, he went to WW meetings with me so he knew that mommy was fat, and had struggled to lose weight.

When it was time for my band surgery, he was fine with it. When it came time to revise, he was admittedly freaked out, but he also witnessed me puke in restaurants, slime at home, have food get stuck, and the pain from my port had gotten so bad, I couldn't even change out the laundry from the washer to the dryer without almost crying. He was having to stand on a stool and help me transfer laundry. My husband was deployed during the revision so he took on "big helper", and was wonderful. He is kind of a gross kid, and wanted to see the surgery on youtube. He felt more relaxed knowing exactly what was going on with the surgery. For me, being open was the best option. I had major complications post-revision, and he was a trooper. It was a very difficult time for all of us, but because he knew exactly what the surgery entailed, he knew what had happened with my complications. He was amazingly helpful with reminding me to eat, and sip my fluids. My surgery brought us closer, and he's an awesome kid that hasn't told anyone about my surgery. He's never blurted out "My mommy was fat and had her tummy cut out", he's shared his opinion on it, he's shared some of the scary stuff he saw while I was recovering, but only in private conversations with friends that I had already opened up to in previous conversations.

I think keeping the conversation age and maturity level appropriate is key. I knew my son could handle the "technical" aspects of surgery along with the changes that would be necessary post-op. Keep it simple, and let them know that this information is not theirs to share or discuss. I started the "what happens here, stays here" when he was a toddler after he revealed that I walked around the house wrapped in a beach towel with a big red towel on my head at a family gathering. He was only 3 or 4, and I was chastised by some uber conservative family members telling me that it was inappropriate to walk around the house "half naked" wrapped in a towel. Of course, I don't see a towel any different than a robe except there's no sleeves. Anyway, that rule started and it's stuck for years.

[M2G 1,836]

My girls were 8&9 when I had surgery (now they are 8&10) and our situation was a little bit different because by the time we had told them about surgery my husband had also decided to be sleeved so it was BOTH of us that were going under (although his surgery was 5 months after mine...so they didn't have to worry about both of us at the *same* time.) We skipped the gory details about losing 85% of our stomachs, but rather focused on the fact that we needed to lose weight in order to be healthy and that meant that our eating habits would change and that the surgery would prevent us from eating a lot of food. They understood that this was a private family matter and that we weren't planning on broadcasting our surgery to the world. My oldest DD did actually tell a friend that I was in the hospital and her mom asked me about it a few days later, but I wasn't planning on sharing with this mom. I simply said I had surgery and I was doing much better and feeling much better and thanks for her concern. And she dropped it and never asked again (although I'm sure she has her suspicions...lol.)

Anyway, all of this is to echo was Tiff said, keep it age appropriate and know your child and what they can handle. I knew it would take 6 months before insurance approved, so we waited to tell the kids until about a month before my surgery. I didn't need them to worry for 6 months, but I also wanted to give them time to ask questions or voice concerns.

[Lanette 124]

Thanks so much you guys. I think I'm going to talk to them separately because I anticipate some serious questions from my 7 year old. This is honestly something I hadn't really thought about pre-op. I really appreciate all of your wisdom!

[AnewMe@28 38]

Well I have two little ones a boy who is 6 and a girl who is 2. Of course I do not have to tell the 2 yr old anything but the 6 year old really does not question my eating habits.

I did explain to him before surgery that mama was going to spend the night at the hospital like when I went to have his sister except this time I would not be coming home with a baby. I told him that the doctor was going to make mama's stomach smaller. Now I did not go into detail that they would cut me open and all that, and since I have lost almost a hundred pounds I think he thought they actually made my huge GUT smaller (like a tummy tuck) because now he says his mama is skinny. LOL. I asked him did he know his mama was fat and he said yes. I lived in total denial that my children knew. Silly me.

But he thinks that's how I got so skinny by eating less and exercising more. I think you should tell them that mommy is eating smaller healthier portions and exercising because she wants to be healthy and here for a long long long time.