I am going to have surgery one week from tomorrow. I am looking forward to it, I guess, but I am really freaked out in so many ways. I am freaked out because I find it so hard to believe that I will actually lose weight. I have been morbidly obese since I was 12, off and on. When I am depressed or upset, it is always there for me to comfort me. Now I am going to be divorcing it for good and just the thought is almost unthinkable! I am having surgery because I want to live. I don't want to die young. I have visions in my mind about people standing around at my funeral saying how sad it is that I died so young. I don't want to die young. My weight has me with diabetes and sleep apnea. Had back problems for years, but just in the last 2 months knee problems have started. I don't want this, yet I can't seem to break my connection with food. So...I'm having my body surgically altered to force myself into compliance. Might sound extreme to some, but to those who have been going through the same struggle, I know they understand. Hopefully, I will be successful. I plan to be, but in the back of my mind, I find it so hard to believe.

WOW, deja vu! Maybe these two very different posts will help someone out. Of course getting from one to the other was the tricky part....

http://www.verticals...h__1#entry57617

http://www.verticals...__1#entry104372

Glad to hear that some of you with the preop freak-outs have already made it through. For those who haven't had surgery yet, just remember that it wasn't easy to come to this decision so you have to trust your instincts and your motivations. It would be very wierd if you weren't freaking out on some level. Hold on to your goals and reasons for having the surgery and you'll get through the nerves.

I get what you are saying about divorcing food. I divorced it about 8 months before my surgery, however my daughter who had bypass a few months before my sleeve did not divorce food and the emotional roller coaster was a rough ride for her. 3 days after her surgery I was cooking dinner for her kids and she sat and cried and cried. I could not relate at that point, I of course was supportive and hugged her, but really did not get it.

After her experience I clamped down on my diet knowing I was headed for surgery and I was on a self imposed 800 calories a day or less, I was in training. I think that helped me immensely for what was to come after. However it did not get all the head stuff out the way. About a week after the surgery I found myself dreaming about all these foods and woke up to find myself making chewing movements with my mouth. It took about a day to set my head right after that. I wanted weight loss and surgery like nothing I have ever wanted in my life and had more commitment to succeeding with this surgery than I have ever had with any diet in my life and that is what has keep my head straight since the surgery,, I WANT THIS! and have not lost steam. Now how has the sleeve helped, it lets me eat only little bits at a time and keeps my satisfied for hours, so I no longer have to fight the head game of how much is too much, BUT I still have to fight to eat right and despite all the meetings with the nutritionists the most education of what and how much came right here from this very board. When I get down, I come here and read what I am experiencing is normal and passing. Special Kuddos to Tiff, I feel like I have learned the most from her!