My husband is not totally for this

[weightnomore 8]

Did any of you Christian sleevers have to deal with a husband who is not 100% in favor of this surgery? I am struggling with this and whether I should wait until he can give his total support. Right now he is willing to 'allow' me to have the surgery, but he doesn't understand weight issues (he has always been thin) and thinks if I eat more vegetables I will lose weight (Arrrggg!!). He knows how much I want this, but feels I am circumventing "God's natural hunger plan". He doesn't seem to understand that our bodies were designed for a different lifestyle when food was not as available as it is now.

I have a surgery date scheduled for December 7th and just want to go into it without guilt. I have tried more diets than I can list here. I have no trouble with self control enough to lose 20-30 lbs., but then I stop and all the weight comes back on, plus. I am looking at the surgery as a way to exercise that self-control but with a permanent result.

All the doors have opened for me, starting with my primary care doctor who said "That would be a great option for you!" to being diagnosed with sleep apnea this year, so I have a second co-morbity. But I do want to do the right thing!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Would he get heart surgery if he needed it? Or would he worry that he was circumventing "God's natural chest pain plan"? Really, you don't need to feel guilty for this decision. Perhaps he needs a talk with your surgeon to get a less ignorant view. This is not an insult to your husband, many thin people just dont understand because its not their experience.

Did any of you Christian sleevers have to deal with a husband who is not 100% in favor of this surgery? I am struggling with this and whether I should wait until he can give his total support. Right now he is willing to 'allow' me to have the surgery, but he doesn't understand weight issues (he has always been thin) and thinks if I eat more vegetables I will lose weight (Arrrggg!!). He knows how much I want this, but feels I am circumventing "God's natural hunger plan". He doesn't seem to understand that our bodies were designed for a different lifestyle when food was not as available as it is now.

I have a surgery date scheduled for December 7th and just want to go into it without guilt. I have tried more diets than I can list here. I have no trouble with self control enough to lose 20-30 lbs., but then I stop and all the weight comes back on, plus. I am looking at the surgery as a way to exercise that self-control but with a permanent result.

All the doors have opened for me, starting with my primary care doctor who said "That would be a great option for you!" to being diagnosed with sleep apnea this year, so I have a second co-morbity. But I do want to do the right thing!

[Tiffykins 672]

My husband was very supportive, but also gave me the "why don't you try to lose one more time on your own" speech. We don't believe in the word "let or allow" in our marriage so that was not an issue for us. He also knows that I would have done it without his support because at the end of the day, there is only one person that I have to answer to, and it's not my husband. I believe that God knows our heart, and our struggles. He has given surgeons the intelligence and tools to help us succeed in our goals. I'm a firm believer that things do happen for a reason, and all the doors opened for me as well. I know in my heart of hearts that God was watching over me, and ensured that I recovered from my surgeries. If he believes God has a hunger plan for us, then he must know that we as humans are tempted by satan in the same manner. I prayed and even attempted to lose weight with the faith-based Weigh Down workshop, but I failed because I am human. Even with years of praying for strength, and guidance to beat gluttony, and overeating, I still failed. I am an obedient wife as my husband loves and honors me as Jesus loved and honor the church, but I am not so submissive in nature to not go through with something that will give me a longer life, dodge co-morbidities, and have a chance at a healthy, and active lifestyle. I think if your husband can not support you then he is the one with an issue, and not you. Guilt trips are definitely not godly behavior, nor is judgment for a decision that could give you a healthier and more enjoyable life.

[weightnomore 8]

Would he get heart surgery if he needed it? Or would he worry that he was circumventing "God's natural chest pain plan"? Really, you don't need to feel guilty for this decision. Perhaps he needs a talk with your surgeon to get a less ignorant view. This is not an insult to your husband, many thin people just dont understand because its not their experience.

Thanks for your reply, feedyoureye. My husband had prostate issues recently, so he started into natural methods of getting that under control which worked for him, so he is big on that approach. However her also had skin cancer and when green tea and all the other things he took didn't work, he did have it surgically removed.

There are too many people out there that desperately want to be thin and who diet constantly and are still overweight. It is our bodies working against us, so I want to circumvent my bodies natural weight gain plan with surgery!

[weightnomore 8]

My husband was very supportive, but also gave me the "why don't you try to lose one more time on your own" speech. We don't believe in the word "let or allow" in our marriage so that was not an issue for us. He also knows that I would have done it without his support because at the end of the day, there is only one person that I have to answer to, and it's not my husband. I believe that God knows our heart, and our struggles. He has given surgeons the intelligence and tools to help us succeed in our goals. I'm a firm believer that things do happen for a reason, and all the doors opened for me as well. I know in my heart of hearts that God was watching over me, and ensured that I recovered from my surgeries. If he believes God has a hunger plan for us, then he must know that we as humans are tempted by satan in the same manner. I prayed and even attempted to lose weight with the faith-based Weigh Down workshop, but I failed because I am human. Even with years of praying for strength, and guidance to beat gluttony, and overeating, I still failed. I am an obedient wife as my husband loves and honors me as Jesus loved and honor the church, but I am not so submissive in nature to not go through with something that will give me a longer life, dodge co-morbidities, and have a chance at a healthy, and active lifestyle. I think if your husband can not support you then he is the one with an issue, and not you. Guilt trips are definitely not godly behavior, nor is judgment for a decision that could give you a healthier and more enjoyable life.

Thanks, Tiffykins. I have seen your many posts on this site, as I have been looking here for a long time. It is nice to know that you are a believer, too. I do think that some of my husbands issues are from fear of what could go wrong, and possibly, what if I start looking better to other men, will I be tempted to leave him?

So I don't want to stop what I know in my heart is right for me based on some unfounded fears and lack of understanding of the issues. It just upsets me and gives me pause when he is not 100% behind it (God's checks and balances, so to speak).

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,280]

Thanks for your reply, feedyoureye. My husband had prostate issues recently, so he started into natural methods of getting that under control which worked for him, so he is big on that approach. However her also had skin cancer and when green tea and all the other things he took didn't work, he did have it surgically removed.

There are too many people out there that desperately want to be thin and who diet constantly and are still overweight. It is our bodies working against us, so I want to circumvent my bodies natural weight gain plan with surgery!

Wow that's actually kind of scary to wait to see if your cancer goes away. I don't want to advocate that here at all, so if anyone is reading this: If you have any lumps or lesions out of normal, get checked immediately!! Do not wait!!

[weightnomore 8]

Wow that's actually kind of scary to wait to see if your cancer goes away. I don't want to advocate that here at all, so if anyone is reading this: If you have any lumps or lesions out of normal, get checked immediately!! Do not wait!!

Yes, I agree with you. My husband was actually under a dermatologist's care, who didn't think his lesion was cancerous. So during the time the doctor was giving him creams and shots, my husband was researching and taking supplements. When it didn't go away, after about 5 visits, the doctor finally did a biopsy. Needless to say, we will not use that doctor again.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,280]

Yes, I agree with you. My husband was actually under a dermatologist's care, who didn't think his lesion was cancerous. So during the time the doctor was giving him creams and shots, my husband was researching and taking supplements. When it didn't go away, after about 5 visits, the doctor finally did a biopsy. Needless to say, we will not use that doctor again.

Usually a Dermatologist can spot odd looking lesions or sores immedately and won't wait to have them biopsied. I'm glad you and your husband won't be back to him...

I'm also glad to hear everything is fine with him too.

Re: your husband not being 100% on board, really I don't have that problem at all. If anything my husband was more on board than I was. He worried about me a lot, and especially when I would struggle so much with my band. I'm very lucky for this, I know.

However not everyone in my immediate family was, and I brought that person with me to a Seminar held by my (band) Surgeon. After, that person agreed that it would be an excellent idea to look into it further. Just a thought, maybe you just need to sit down and explain it to him more?

Good luck!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

10 years ago I went into my Drs to look at a mole that was changing. She said that it was probably nothing. I asked her to biopsy it, and it turned out to be a melanoma cancer. Sometimes you just have to be proactive. I had it removed and everything is ok. My decision to get weightloss surgery is kind of the same thing. My Drs have never asked me to lose weight. When I started to get high blood pressure, sore joints and high cholesterol... I had to do the work my self and asked for a recommendation to a surgeon at my med center. Lucily, my Dr. agreed and I was off and running.

[YORKSHIRE GIRL ANGE 1]

Hi there, I'm Angela joining you from the UK.

First of all, please let me tell you that I myself am not a very religious person. I do, however, have great respect for the beliefs and chosen religion of others whatever they my be. Who am I to knock whatever comfort people get from their beliefs.

I would like to say, surely if God has given the skills and knowledge to perform this surgery to our doctors it was intended to be used. Why should we not take advantage of the help that they can offer to us ?

It is very easy for people who have never had serious weight issues to simplfy it by saying stop eating, if only it was so easy !! They must realise that if that was the case there would be no world wide obesity epidemic.

I personally have never smoked, taken drugs or had issues with alcohol. My addiction throughout my life has been food. I do, however, have the sense to know that you can't say to an alcohilic for instance " just stop drinking " and the problem will go away.

I see this surgery as an amazing tool that will help me to loose the weight and keep it off, but only if I work hard at it. It has not been an easy decision to make, in fact I would say it is the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life and it has taken almost a year for me to make it.

Like yourself, I have lost the same 30lbs over and over again only to see it go back on again.

I am lucky to have no co-morbidities at all and I hope this surgery can help me stay that way.

I know I am not going to wake up thin after the surgery IF ONLY !!! LOL

It has taken nearly 52 years for me to arrive at this weight and it isn't going to magically melt away with the surgery ALTHOUGH WOULDN'T THAT BE WONDERFUL !!! LOL

I too am due to have my surgery Dec 7th so we will be sleeve sisters. Keep me posted on how you are progressing pre and post op. I have to start a 3 week milk based diet mid Nov, won't that be fun !! LOL

Look forward to hearing from you

Best wishes Angela.

[Cleosan52 6]

That your husband is "allowing" you to have this surgery is half the battle. I know that we want our husbands to be 100% behind us and our decisions without hesitation, but sometimes they just have to be shown. My husband was very quite with the whole thing until recently. He does realize that I come from a heavy family and he comes from a thin one.

If you could have done this on your own you would have years ago. But now God is opening all the right doors for you. Keep letting your husband see how God is working in your life. It might come to the point where you will be comforting his fears, but the time will come when he see how much your life (and his) has turned for the better. How much you two will be able to do together.

Praying that one day he will day, "Gosh Honey you should have done this years ago!!!" lol. Praying for peace in your spirit and mind for both of you. Hugs...

[MlkPas 5]

I agree with Sandy. If he is willing to "allow" you to go forward, then that's good enough and I say "go!" I promise you he will come around when he starts seeing the results!

[weightnomore 8]

Thank you all so much. I feel that his negativity toward this is based on a lack of understanding of the true problem, plus his own dislike of medical procedures, especially surgery. So I am forging ahead, and I think he is getting more and more used to the idea. I know he will love seeing me at a normal size and when he sees that I can be healthy through the process he will be very happy for me.

[newnatalie 20]

Most men will not admit that they are afraid of losing us! It's not YOU he is not supporting. It is the fear of something happening to you! Don't confuse the two. He won't tell you this because he is a MAN!

I would go back to him and assure him that not only will you be fine, but FINER and HEALTHIER in the end! Like others have said, if he is "allowing" you to have VSG, then a part of him does support you. Give him a big kiss and let him know how much you love and appreciate him!

Thank you all so much. I feel that his negativity toward this is based on a lack of understanding of the true problem, plus his own dislike of medical procedures, especially surgery. So I am forging ahead, and I think he is getting more and more used to the idea. I know he will love seeing me at a normal size and when he sees that I can be healthy through the process he will be very happy for me.