Ok so I am in the process of getting a band. There is this one thing that came to mind and it's regarding performing oral sex on a man.

I hope this doesn't come across as slutty but I am worried that when I do this I might gag and that can hurt my band. Is that possible?

I happen to like doing this specific act of love and been known to gag in the past. I dont mind the gagging itself because it never hurts and I don't throw up, but if I have the band and gag, can it slip or somethin?

If I'm crossing the line please feel free to lock/delete this thread!

I think assigning blame is a waste of time.

Most people IMHO fall into one of two categories. Either they are trying to be like everyone else or they are trying to be the opposite of everyone else.

We need to spend more time being intimate. I am not speaking sexually necessarily. I am speaking emotionally and intellectually intimate. Too many people are mindless parrots, saying what is expected of them to say. Too many people fall into lust and then rationalize it into love, when a blind person could see that love between the members of that couple is foolhardy.

Communication is a lost art. Compare the Lincoln - Douglas debates with the presidential debates of the TV age. How many children can speak openly to their parents? How many parents can speak to their children or to each other?

Oh, we all say we can, but down deep most of us are too afraid to be noticed or we go out of our way to be noticed, but when we go out of our way to be noticed, is it really us or some pseudo characterization that is being paraded about?

This is a beautiful thread. Somehow, many people have admitted things that they would normally not admit. My wife says that I have a big mouth. My son says that I have a big mouth. They are right. Maybe I don't know enough to be afraid. I definitely don't know enough to place blame.

I'm sorry if it came across like I was "blaming." That wasn't my intention. I was merely extrapolating from my own experience and trying to offer an explanation--admitily ONE explanation. In my case at the time it certainly had NOTHING to do with willingness or desire. I was young, unexperienced, naive and--believe it or not-- very shy & self conscious about sexual things. I was in my late 20's and on my 2nd lover--not exactly experienced-- when my girlfriend sent me that letter after a conversation we had.

Saying we all need to spend more time being initmate is all well and good, but finding a peson of the opposite sex to be emotionally and intellectually intimate with is damn hard and scarey as hell.

In the best of all possible worlds... okay, but in THIS world most of us are just trying to do the best we can with what's available.

Honestly Tommy and Tired, I think you two are way over sensitive and jumped on my like I was "Blaming" when that wasn't the case. If I can't offer an explanation of something without being accused of something else I'll get the hell off of here again.

Kare, please do not take any offence, as my comments were not intended to be a taken that way. Believe me I am not the being sensitive, I was only making a statement that I thought might cause people to re-think what is often an accepted opinion (Men are selfish when it comes to sex).

Your first note indicated that a possible reason women are bad at this sort of thing is because they may have learned how from a male.

I do not think less of you nor do I think that your opinion is not valid. I was just putting forward another perspective. I was not directing my statement at you I was expressing a point view that I hoped would make everyone think.

I am certain that you are a good person and I do not want you to be upset and leave because of my words. Please chalk this up to the old Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars syndrome and continue your participation in this conversation. Your participation is very much appreciated.

Kare,

The attitude that a woman can enjoy "giving head" is refreshing to hear. I enjoy it, but the idea of doing it for my own sensual pleasure is a new one, that I know I'll remember when the time comes. And that thing about pineapplies.....

NancyRN

Time to Love Me,

Your use of emoticons is adorable!

NancyRN

Tonight I'm going to tell my wife its' all about her.

Just so you know from a mans perspective that's exactly how many men treat cunnilingus and possibly why we are quick to do it.

TommyO,

I'm glad you posted this, because it gives me a chance to ask something I've always wondered about: do most guys like cunnilingus? In my experience, they don't. I even had a lover who, after I gave him great head and asked him to return the favor, said he "didn't like to do that".

I felt resentful and it definitely changed the way I saw our relationship.

I'm a little confused about your statement, though. Do you mean:

(1) Many men like cunnilingus and are eager to do it, or

(2) Many men don't like cunnilingus, and that's why they rush through it?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if guys could enjoy the sensual aspects of it for their own pleasure?

NancyRN

TommyO,

I'm glad you posted this, because it gives me a chance to ask something I've always wondered about: do most guys like cunnilingus? In my experience, they don't. I even had a lover who, after I gave him great head and asked him to return the favor, said he "didn't like to do that".

I felt resentful and it definitely changed the way I saw our relationship.

I can't answer for TommyO, but as another man writing in this thread, I hope I can help answer your question. I said two (of my) posts back

I have explained to my past lovers exactly the mirror image of that DevilMayKare post.

meaning: the same way that the letter in DevilMayKare's post describes how a women could or should enjoy giving head is the way that I enjoy myself with a woman's genitalia. I have known many men who place cunnilingus at the top of their list of pleasurable things to do. Some place it #1 for their own pleasure, while some place it that high for the power that it gives them over a woman (at least in their mind). Yes, some men do feel that when a woman is helpless in the throws of orgasmic delight, that the woman is most vulnerable and requires the protection of their macho presence.

Some men, perform cunnilingus so that the woman will reciprocate, though they are ambivalent about it. And some men have said, "How can you put your mouth where they pea from?" showing their own lack of caring, lack of sensitivity, lack of anatomical knowledge and lack of grammatical knowledge.

Yes, just as women, we men are a diverse group.

I have to say that I love doing it and I don't feel as it is a chore or expected. To me...hearing him moan and groan and grab ahold of my hair and seeing his toes point is enough for me! :clap2: I love it!!! It's a great feeling knowing that you make someone feel like that and it also doesn't bother me that he brags to his friends...let's me know how bad-ass I am at it and figure out new ways to make it better!! LOL!!! Surprise!!! The reaction is great! :heh: And when it's his turn.... WOW! But if someone doesn't like doing it then that is just how they feel and shouldn't be judged by it. You never know...they might like it eventually.

Saying we all need to spend more time being initmate is all well and good, but finding a peson of the opposite sex to be emotionally and intellectually intimate with is damn hard and scarey as hell.

In the best of all possible worlds... okay, but in THIS world most of us are just trying to do the best we can with what's available.

I agree. It is very hard. But if you put yourself out there, you may be hurt, but you may experience true emotion. If you hold back, can you blame your perspective partner for holding back?

Honestly Tommy and Tired, I think you two are way over sensitive and jumped on my like I was "Blaming" when that wasn't the case. If I can't offer an explanation of something without being accused of something else I'll get the hell off of here again.

Au contraire. I didn't jump on you at all.

I said that I don't place blame on anyone. Our society as a whole has become less civil and more commercial. We have standards to live up to that the Greek Gods would have fallen short of. TV and the movies have ruined us to the point of we either have to be as rich as Bill Gates, as strong as Arnold, as Eloquent as George W. or as handsome as Brad. For a woman, I guess Oprah or Angelina Jolie will do.

We live in a plastic society, but I personally refuse to be plastic. I have been hurt numerous times, but I would rather be hurt than be so protective of myself and my feelings that I miss out on the relationship that may be waiting for me.

Please believe me. I was not attacking you in the least. I loved the letter that you posted. I even e-mailed it to my wife and some female friends of mine.

NO. They will never know where it came from.

NO. The female friends are not lovers of mine. I do not cheat on my wife.

I don't hear anyone blaming anyone...................Kare you are right on............ Tired, thought we were joking and having fun, really......I like your avatar........didn't mean to offend.....

I didn't perceive anyone blaming men for teaching us poor blowing styles. I read one woman had a male who gave her good instruction but that a woman "enhanced" the technique with adding desire, seduction, mystery, play, and a few other juicy tidbits.

Let's keep it fun..................we aren't talkin' about happily ever after and warm fuzzies (although that is pretty much everyones ultimate desire)..........................just plain......ol'.........head and how a woman can use her mind AND mouth to be very skilled at it.

I don't hear anyone blaming anyone...................Kare you are right on............ Tired, thought we were joking and having fun, really......I like your avatar........didn't mean to offend.....

No offense taken. I was "just having fun" when I said I had to be careful what I say because of the comments on my avatar.

Let's keep it fun..................we aren't talkin' about happily ever after and warm fuzzies (although that is pretty much everyones ultimate desire)..........................just plain......ol'.........head and how a woman can use her mind AND mouth to be very skilled at it.

I can agree as long as we can amend your last statement to say, "just plain...ol'...head and how a woman or man can use her or his mind AND mouth to be very skilled at it." After all, we all started out as females, some of us just changed prior to birth. The clitoris is sometimes referred to as a miniature penis. So much of DevilMayKare's post could be rewritten with "clit" in place of "dick". Even when the anatomical analogies fail, the psychological analogies will still be valid.

I am having fun. I can be very serious about having fun. Isn't sex sometimes very serious, but immensely enjoyable. Sometimes writing about your true feelings can be very serious and immensely enjoyable also.

If relationships had the same honesty as this thread, many of the problems of the world would be solved. That would be fun.

NancyRN, sorry for the confusion, my note was a poor attempt at reinforcing the idea that most men love to perform cunnilingus. I probably over stepped my boundries by speaking for most men so I will ammend my statement.

I love to perform cunnilingus, my wife knows that anytime day or night I am eager to please. It is an extremely pleasurable experience for me and I am relatively certain she enjoy's it as well.

I guess I just assumed that most men are of the same opinion as I and that may be my folly.

Tired Old Man and Tommy O,

Thanks so much for responding to give me a couple of male viewpoints.

Tired Old Man, thanks for repeating your post. I somehow missed it earlier.

This is a great thread, isn't it? The honesty is refreshing. It reminds me of a forum I read after Brokeback Mountain, where people asked and answered questions about gay sex. People also shared experiences with anal sex in an honest, respectful yet frank way.

I think the reason this forum is so refreshing is that in our everyday lives, we rarely get to express our sexual curiosity about what it's like for other people.

NancyRN

Now if only I could find the right guy to try out these new techniques on..........

NancyRN - DH and I have a lot of male friends. Some of whom I am close enough to ask certain questions of. Just to get the male viewpoint. This is what I have taken away from those conversations.

Most men love receiving oral sex. it is about 50/50 when it comes down to what is the most enjoyable about it. For 50% of them it is the pleasure without all of the work. Even masterbation for them involves work. this is just a "sit back, relax and enjoy". The othe 50% love how a woman seems to be really intent on pleasing them, ther by pleasing themselves. I think that Kare's letter explains what those of us enjoy about it, and how it can be translated into that for the guys.

As for giving oral sex to their lovers, it comes down to about 70/30. 70 love giving oral because it gets the girl off, gets them ready for sex, gets them worked up to have a really great time, and they just really enjoy doing ANYTHING to that part of the female anatomy. The other 30 percent seem to be turned off by putting their faces down there.

Just my stats that I have checked out. I am lucky because I have one of those husbands who, no matter what is going on, I could tell him that i want to give and receive, and he is upstairs in the bedroom naked before i can finish my sentence. LOL