Confession Time

[LAN2k 18]

This is very hard for me to say but my daughter is getting a divorce, and it is turning out to be bitter. The hard part is the two beautiful grandchildren that I babysit for so that she can go back to school. I realize that the degree she gets will help her and her children live a better life but she has totally become absorbed day and night studying and everything is on hold, including her children who also love their dad. The father has been verbally abusive to her in front of the kids and the separation has been good for that, but he is a better father to them than she is and they miss him so much! I am torn and try to talk to her to be there for them, prioritize but she says this is what I have to do for now. The children are young, 3 and 5 and they need her! I cannot stand the father other than he is so good with the children but feel they would be better off with him? I don't know what to do. I am doing all I can to make them know they are loved...

I'm sympathetic to your situation. Although different having raised my grandson since he was a babe in a diaper and now (at 14yrs old) giving him up to his mother (my daughter), it really hurts to know that he is not nurtured nor tended to as I feel he should be. She is single and has a cultivated social life and she works 5 nights a week. He spends so much time alone and she has him convinced that I "babied him". We only live a couple of miles apart and yet I hardly see him. I offered to sit in at least 2 or 3 of the weeknights she works but she said it was not necessary he was a young man who can handle his "responsibilities" without having me around. Imagine that I spent 12.5 years of my life together with him and she is totally insensitive to the fact that he wants to see more of me, and there is opportunity and good reason for him to. These things hurt and are very painful. I pray to God each and every day to cover him and soften her hard heart. I don't get into confrontations with her because it will only make matters more difficult and hurt him. Do the best you can is all I can say and if you believe in God, pray daily.

[thinoneday 445]

The bottom line is ....underneath it all there is lots of hurting going on here. I know you are hurting pretty badly and I'm sorry really sorry for such a situation. I hope you can find a network of support people close by to you to help you effectively deal with your son in the "tough love" way that sometimes works to really change people. You need love and support yourself and I will pray for you and your family that somehow someway there will be growth and reconciliation. Hang in there. I know what that kind of heartache feels like.

Thanks Lan2k, but you know at one time, yes there was a lot of hurt, but with all the years that this has gone on, I have grown very numb to it. . I'm the type that if he deserves it, I have no problem throwing his butt into prision myself. . .I'm really not your typical mom I think, I'm ex military and have learned how to be really tough throughout my life, along with being pestered and hurt as a youngester growing up . . . I've learned how to become very numb to many things. . I'd give examples of things, but then everyone would think of me as a monster. . . sorry to say, but after a while people get like that (not all, but some). . . but thanks for your heartfelt warmth and caring. . . always

[Itstime 0]

Lan2K,

I just saw your post, thank you so much for your thoughts. I feel for you having to deal with this issue while you are post op and maybe this has hindered you from healing like you should, our kids can hurt us so much! Your daughter is only thinking of herself and not her son. I am afraid of the same thing with my two grandchildren, that she might lose them and I will be on the outside and not part of their lives. You give so much of yourself while you can and hope for the best. If my son in law gets primary custody he will not care what is good for them, he has turned into a hateful person, really mental. The only saving grace is he loves those children and they love him.

Thanks again for your thoughts and lets hope that our daughters will shape up soon!

Linda

[LAN2k 18]

Thinoneday, I pray for things to change for the better within your family structure. Do the best you know and then "let go and let God". And thank you for your heartfelt warmth and caring.

Itstime, Thank God that there is love between your son in law ans his children, your grandchildren. It hurts so much when we watch our own kids suffer or do the wrong things and then when they have children the hurt just multiplies, unless somehow things really do change for the better. I turn to God he's got to be there and hear my prayers. I pray for all of us who are watching in pain. Thanks so much for understanding. Lis

[thinoneday 445]

Thanks Lan! Well now i must confess to something which i've been putting all over the place . . . I think i'm heading in the wrong direction. . . I have become very afraid of food . . not the semi solid foods like yogurt, cheeses, and such, but of normal foods . . I don't want to advance. . . I like my semi softs and I really like the idea of 500 calories a day. . . weight loss is going I'm told(will weigh at the doctors on the 16th) I personally don't see any weight coming off, but people are telling me "your fading away" . . . "aren't you loosing it too fast" . . . I can't see it, but I feel great, strong, healthy, and alert . . . yes my clothes are loose and all, but i look in the mirror and see 332 and fat, fat, fat, fat. . . I feel like a fool mentioning this to the doctor so i'm looking to y'all. . could i be heading for trouble you think? I mean for me this is the greatest thing ever. . . tiny tiny tummy, can't put nothing into it except semi softs and Proteins. . . I live on proteins. . .refuse to touch carbs and when i do it's about 5 per day from various things ie: fuze drinks have <1 g carb; and so on . . . I limit it very much . . ugh . . . but i feel great! So if it's not broke, why fix it???????? I think i'm becoming obsessed with weight

Edited February 4, 2010 by thinoneday

[Tiffykins 672]

Thanks Lan! Well now i must confess to something which i've been putting all over the place . . . I think i'm heading in the wrong direction. . . I have become very afraid of food . . not the semi solid foods like yogurt, cheeses, and such, but of normal foods . . I don't want to advance. . . I like my semi softs and I really like the idea of 500 calories a day. . . weight loss is going I'm told(will weigh at the doctors on the 16th) I personally don't see any weight coming off, but people are telling me "your fading away" . . . "aren't you loosing it too fast" . . . I can't see it, but I feel great, strong, healthy, and alert . . . yes my clothes are loose and all, but i look in the mirror and see 332 and fat, fat, fat, fat. . . I feel like a fool mentioning this to the doctor so i'm looking to y'all. . could i be heading for trouble you think? I mean for me this is the greatest thing ever. . . tiny tiny tummy, can't put nothing into it except semi softs and Proteins. . . I live on Proteins. . .refuse to touch carbs and when i do it's about 5 per day from various things ie: fuze drinks have <1 g carb; and so on . . . I limit it very much . . ugh . . . but i feel great! So if it's not broke, why fix it???????? I think i'm becoming obsessed with weight

Ohhhhhhh Thin, I know how you feel. That's why I honestly think I was such a quick loser with zero stalls. I was super strict, I watched every carb, calorie, and read every label.

When I advanced to solids, I hated them. I didn't hate the food, I hated the "change". I was feeling so "good", I was scared to feel bad. But, I had to do it. I just took it super slow. I only tried one new food and then I stuck with it when it worked for me. I had the same "don't try to fix it" mentality. I was losing, I was feeling goood, and I didn't want to get sick again.

I really didn't see the difference in myself for a long time. It was weird, and mentally draining.

I don't have any wonderful advice, but know you aren't alone in your feelings/thoughts. I just had to force myself to try new stuff, and when something didn't work for me, I went back to my tried and true favorites.

[thinoneday 445]

Ohhhhhhh Thin, I know how you feel. That's why I honestly think I was such a quick loser with zero stalls. I was super strict, I watched every carb, calorie, and read every label.

When I advanced to solids, I hated them. I didn't hate the food, I hated the "change". I was feeling so "good", I was scared to feel bad. But, I had to do it. I just took it super slow. I only tried one new food and then I stuck with it when it worked for me. I had the same "don't try to fix it" mentality. I was losing, I was feeling goood, and I didn't want to get sick again.

I really didn't see the difference in myself for a long time. It was weird, and mentally draining.

I don't have any wonderful advice, but know you aren't alone in your feelings/thoughts. I just had to force myself to try new stuff, and when something didn't work for me, I went back to my tried and true favorites.

Thanks Tiffy, that makes me feel soooooooooooo much better, knowing that someone else went through this. . my biggest fear is anorexia and i don't want to go there. . your words are enough to make me feel better. I really don't think i was looking for advice, just something or someone to talk to about it. . . thanks again so much for making me feel normal again. :thumbup1:

[Tiffykins 672]

Thanks Tiffy, that makes me feel soooooooooooo much better, knowing that someone else went through this. . my biggest fear is anorexia and i don't want to go there. . your words are enough to make me feel better. I really don't think i was looking for advice, just something or someone to talk to about it. . . thanks again so much for making me feel normal again. :thumbup1:

You betcha ! ! ! It's a total mindtwist in my opinion. For so many years, we can't wait to eat the next meal. Now, it's like "oh crap, I gotta eat something."

I'm always here if you need to vent, chat, cry, or just talk. ALWAYS.

You've always been one of my biggest cheerleaders, and I don't know what I would do without you.

[Tiffykins 672]

Thanks Tiffy, that makes me feel soooooooooooo much better, knowing that someone else went through this. . my biggest fear is anorexia and i don't want to go there. . your words are enough to make me feel better. I really don't think i was looking for advice, just something or someone to talk to about it. . . thanks again so much for making me feel normal again. :thumbup1:

You betcha ! ! ! It's a total mindtwist in my opinion. For so many years, we can't wait to eat the next meal. Now, it's like "oh crap, I gotta eat something."

I'm always here if you need to vent, chat, cry, or just talk. ALWAYS.

You've always been one of my biggest cheerleaders, and I don't know what I would do without you.

[lauramomof3 2]

i wish i had problems with carbs like you guys do. they go down so well. i try to limit myself to 30 grams perday. some days i go over. yesterday i barely had 28 grams and today i had 45grams. go figure. well i know that i am not as strict as some people are on this forumn but i didn't have this surgery so i couldn't live a normal life. i don't want to be fat anymore but i still would like to eat certain foods. i am sure that way of thinking is abnormal!!!

[thinoneday 445]

No lauramomof3, you are normal, i am not normal . . . i have a phobia of fat now . . i'm losing pretty well and love it. . i feel good not eating hardly anything and limiting my carbs so severely it's sickening . . . when i used to diet as a fatter person i would love that empty hungry feeling, but then something would happen and i would start eating again. . . now i can't, now i am the one who has the control and let me tell you, i'm a power and control type of person, i have to be the one in control not my gut and now my gut hardly exists and i'm in total control . . it's just me, that is just how i am. . i don't and never have had favorite foods, so this isn't hard to eliminate foods for me . . right now i'm loving my sleeve and knowing that this WILL work this time. . . good luck to you!

[thinoneday 445]

You betcha ! ! ! It's a total mindtwist in my opinion. For so many years, we can't wait to eat the next meal. Now, it's like "oh crap, I gotta eat something."

I'm always here if you need to vent, chat, cry, or just talk. ALWAYS.

You've always been one of my biggest cheerleaders, and I don't know what I would do without you.

Tiff, you are so sweet! Such an excellent cyberfriend! Thank you so much, you are my inspiration, to see how far you have come makes it so much easier to continue on this journey. . . never leave us, we need you very much on this forum. . . your fantastic! You will make such an excellent mamma for one lucky baby!

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I was really afraid of solid/dense foods in the beginning too. I think it will change for you eventually.

I remember when 3 bites of solid/dense foods made me feel so sickening full, I just didn't want to eat it again.

When you get close to goal, you'll have been sleeved longer and certain foods will start sounding good to you. That doesn't mean you'll be able to eat very much of it. I go to pizza with my kids once a week. I am perfectly satisfied, content and very full with one piece of pizza while I watch them polish off the rest.

[thinoneday 445]

Thanks Oregon, I'm hoping it'll change, I'm just really afraid of being fat again. . .that is great you can eat only 1 slice of pizza and be happy on it. . . the kids probably love it now that they can finish the whole thing instead of sharing huh?

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Yeah, it's pretty nice that we only have to get one pizza now that I can only eat one piece instead of half a pizza!