Alright...so I knew I couldn't hide out from my family forever. I was just hoping that I could stretch it out a bit longer!

I am about 14 weeks post-op and have yet to attend an all-family get together. This weekend will be the first time that all of the family is there and I'm extremely nervous.

Only my mom and dad know that I've been banded...they are incredibly supportive and think what I did for myself is just wonderful (plus, my mom has a crush on my surgeon! Hee!). I've been around my Grandmother a few times, and while I haven't told her anything about being banded, I know she knows *something's up*.

Like many grandmas, she watches you like a hawk at meal time...always ready with a plate of food for that second you finish what's on yours. The past 2 times I've been around her with my band, I hadn't had much restriction, so eating wasn't too much of an issue. This past weekend I was only 3 days post-fill at 2.5 cc's, so I was being very careful about what I ate, getting used to my restriction.

She kept making comments like "Christina, what's wrong? Do you not like your food? Here, take more...you've hardly eaten anything!" I've managed to politely refuse, but you can tell she thinks something's wrong. Plus, this past weekend, the food just wasn't going down, so I'd have to excuse myself immediately after dinner to PB...I'm positive she thinks I have an eating disorder now!

For Memorial Day weekend, the aunts are coming over, and they don't miss a thing either. Especially one aunt, who has always been on me about my size and weight...she notices if I lose a single pound and then tries to get me to talk about how I'm losing the weight, am I exercising, etc. She'll criticize me for anything I put in my mouth.

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to having to come up with clever and convincing ruses for 3 days. Part of me just wants to shout from the rooftop "I HAVE A SILICONE BELT AROUND MY STOMACH AND NO, DAMN IT, I DON'T WANT ANYMORE POTATO SALAD!!!" The other part of me knows how judgemental my family is and how bad of an idea telling them about my band is.

I don't like feeling like I've done something bad that has to be locked away so no one finds out about "what I've done". The other reason I haven't just come clean with the family is because they'll see the "drastic" measures I've taken to lose weight as a mark against my mother and her "worth" as a mother. They'll blame my obesity and my "lack of willpower" to lose weight the "normal" way as some sort of indication of her flaws as a mother, and I really just don't want to bring that kind of criticism upon her.

Oh...did I mention we're having *steak* for dinner on Saturday? :omg:

Any suggestions on how to deal with this greatly appreciated...I knew thatt if there were a group of folks who'd know how to deal with this mess, it would be you guys!! :help:

I think this shows sharing that we have the band is as individual as getting the band. We all live different lives and have different circles of people. Unfortunatley, some people are more exposed to the nosey, bossy type than others. Personally, I tell everyone. It's just who I am. Maybe that's not for you b/c you are around people that judge. It's a personal decision for sure. I could care less if you want to judge me b/c I am who I am. I am true to myself and that is what counts. Do what you think is right for you.

You have a point Donna. I hope you don't feel that I don't respect that way of doing it. I'm not putting you down at all. My reasoning behind telling people is that it will give me some sort of accountability. I don't want to give myself an inch to fail. I need that. I know that a lot of people don't though, and that's cool. My friend didn't tell anyone but a couple of us who are also fat. She lost 75 lbs in a year. She said it was nice to do it on her terms without questions from everyone. I totally understand that.

BTW Donna, your posts really keep me going. I know that sounds dorky, but I see you as one of the "wise ones" on here. You have such a great attitude :clap2:

I didn't read all of the responses, but you know what works for me? I say that I am on a controlled diet to get my girlish figure back and I am under the care of my doctor and a nutritionist. I find that older people have this god-like worship thing with doctors and they never question it. When others ask for more info, I say that it is a high-protein, low calorie diet. All of that is true. I just leave out the part of the band.

It's so interesting to hear how everyone else has dealt with this issue. I've told my parents, all my friends, co-workers...but when it comes to these particular family members, I'd rather poke my own eye out with a rusty fork.

Guess it'll just have to be like pulling off a band aid...do it real fast and it'll only be painful for a second!

Bensmum1109: Thanks so much for the kudos, and for promising a safe haven for all of us! My dad thinks I'm overthinking all of this...then went on to say that if they gave me crap, he'd be there to back me up and support me. Between him, my mom, and all of you, I know I can do this!

sisterfunkhaus: I just noticed in your signature that you're getting banded tomorrow!!! Congratulations...I'm so excited for you! I'm positive everything will go smoothly...good luck and welcome to the club!

Hey everyone!

Well, the weekend has come and gone...and I'm still in the band closet. The issue really didn't come up, and eating was rather easy this weekend (no PBs!), so there wasn't an opportunity or reason to talk about it. One close call with Grandma, who is still trying to figure out why I only ate half a pork chop in mushroom sauce when I usually have two, but other than that...nada. We didn't have steak after all, so I guess I'll have to wait for my big opportunity!

Thanks again for all your help, everyone! How did everyone's else's weekend go?

I haven't been banded yet, but I can sympathize. I have no desire to tell my family, aside from my mom and dad. My uncle's are so critical and gram is a blabber-mouth, so I'm not sure how I'll get around it. The good news is I probably won't see any of them till Thanksgiving!

I like the idea of telling them you're on a high-nutriet, small portion diet. Or tell them you've just gotten over the stomach flu and are afraid if you eat you might puke all over them. That also covers you if you have to rush to the bathroom to pb. Good luck!

Gosh everyone I know is aware I want this band and that I had a date for surgery and it got cancelled for awhile. I have some other medical issues to deal with, but I am not ashamed at all to let anyone know. I'm here with my family who supports me in every way. I guess people just feel very differently about telling people. I had a friend who had gastric bypass and I was the only one who knew and was sworn to secrecy. She wanted everyone to think she did it on her own for some reason. Why be afraid to admit you need help. We don't keep other surgeries from our family. Someone has to know I have the band when I get it in case anything goes wrong. I guess maybe at 64 my inhibitions about people knowing have gone out the window.

Hope all goes well for you.

Dody

I have only told three close friends and (reluctantly) my parents. I wasn't keen on telling my dad because he's a plastic surgeon and, by my perception, has always been among the most judgmental people in my life about my weight. I told him because despite our issues about my weight, we have a good relationship and though this was a very low risk surgery, it's still surgery. It would have hurt me a lot if he'd had surgery and didn't tell me, so I told him. I haven't told my colleagues (except for two close friends), which is a little weird because we're all very close. I just wanted a little time to myself with this to get to know it without having to educate the world. It's so the right choice for me. I'm sure I'll be more open about it when my success starts showing, but for the moment, it feels very personal to me and I'm glad to keep it quiet.