Today he turned to me in the car and said , " I don't think you should do it." I thought I would have been scheduled for surgery by now, thinking I'd be self-pay. But then the surgeon told me to continue on with seeing my PCP for 3 more months and I would probably get insurance coverage. So in the midst of this waiting period my husband has learned more about the band and thinks it is a bad idea.

Things he is afraid of:

We eat out when we travel and go on vacation. He thinks I will have to obsess over my choices and/or end up disappointed all the time.

I will have scars and a device in my body for life.

I will be miserable and regret it.

Why he thinks I can succeed without the band (in his words):

"You have lost weight before and I know you can do it again"

"I can help you and we can do it together"

"We just need to make better choices"

"I'd rather you be a little heavy but do it naturally than be thin and do it surgically"

The man is wonderful and loves me -- but I am having a hard time getting him onboard with this. Yes, I would do it without his blessing. But part of me agrees with him and wants to give traditional diet/exercise 'one more try'. Did you go through this? Then I think of the dumb diet mentailty and the endless failures and I feel like 'hurry up 3 months and bring on the surgery!' Suddenly, I'm really conflicted!! Advice?

A few hours ago I attended the New Patient Orientation at the hospital-they have a multi approach program from Opti-fast to traditional dieting with a nutrionist to lap band to gastric bypass.

The one thing they stressed was that 99% of all people who lost a good amount of weight by dieting will gain it all back and some will add more pounds than they originally dieted off in the first place.

You can stick to a diet for a certain amount of time- its when we relax that we "fail". The bs that you did it before so you can do it again is proving your point. Yep you did it before. And? you are back where you started. So why go through another cycle???? Also-he's worried about you obessing about your food when you eat out? Try the Atkins and you'll see obsession. Got carbs? Any diet will have you obessing about food. With the band you'll will have a tool for life. Now I am not banded yet so I only speak from the planning stage.

In addition to the above info shooting down his reasons maybe those aren't really his reasons for sabotaging your changing for the better.

It sounds as if he is a little worried that you'll upstage him or become desirable to other guys or your new self won't love him anymore. I'm not a psychologist by any means but he sounds scared. I wish you a lot of luck-its a hard decision for anyone let alone without your husbands support. I hope you do what is best for you.

PeloRojo,

Your husband made a very telling statement about preferring you "a little heavy" to being "thin" with sugery. If he's done his research, and you say he has, maybe he's feeling threatened by the idea that the band will work, and he will have a "thin" wife. Could he be thinking, "Will she be more attractive, confident, outgoing and begin to enjoy interacting with other men?" Not that his would be a bad thing, but it could enter his minds as a negative. Does he have any weight to lose? Could he be afraid of losing his eating buddy? A lot of men do not like change, especially when it is out of their control. It is very scary for them. Just something to think about.

You all raise great points. Today, I actually emailed my husband a few of your posts. We went for a long walk tonight (shocker, we normally sit on the couch most of the evening) and he said he wants to support whatever I decide. One post, which broke down every one of his concerns, really swayed him. Thanks all! THIS is support!

I am so glad to hear this, PeloRojo. It will be much easier to make your decision if you know you will be supported no matter what. My DH was the same way. He didn't want me to go through something so major, and he certainly played Devil's advocate, but also said "support you, no matter what."

After I had the band, he told me he saw how difficult life was and now felt guilty for not insisting that I do something about my weight earlier (dieting - we didn't know about lapband at that time). I had to remind him that it wouldn't have done any good; that it probably would have caused arguments. Surgery or dieting - it had to be MY decision, not his.