What an eye opener.

I've been wavering between depression and hope for the future. I knew I was fat, but seeing myself from all angles in just a bra and shorts was a shock. Seeing my back was especially upsetting. That used to be my "good" side. Now it's all rolls. My boobs look miniscule compared to the size of my gut from the side.

I'm trying to look at these pictures as inspiration. I want to use them to motivate myself.

But at the same time, every time I close my eyes, I see them. The images are burned in my mind.

Before last night, I was in denial over how fat I'd really gotten.

I took before pics in Dec 2010. I couldn't bring myself to look at them. In fact I thought my wife had mistakenly deleted them from the camera before downloading. She found them a couple of weeks ago. I admit that still, they are not pleasant to look at.

Just 2 days ago I had bought a new pair of pants for my firefighter Class A (dress) uniform. I had to replace the 40's that were too small 2 years ago with some 34's. My 10 year old daughter came in while I was dressed and asked why I was in uniform. I told her I bought new smaller pants. She asked if my old pants stretched or if I got smaller? I smiled at her and asked "you don't remember?" She had a curious look and said "no". I showed her the before pic (from 18 months ago). She started laughing at my bloated head and neck/chin area. She said that she doesn't remember me looking like that at all.

One thing I took from that is the love a child has for a parent doesn't depend upon fat, thin, ugly, handsome. They care about who we are inside and the outside doesn't matter. What she does like is that I play with her and her sister more. Swimming, soccer, softball, biking, even cartwheels on the lawn.

Keep the before pics. You don't have to look at them all the time but it is a good reminder of how far you have come. I bet many people are like me and did all they could to avoid being in pictures. It is sort of nice to have one or two just to reference once in a while.