just got a call from my well meaning dad....he is sending me an article about a lady who "looked at the band surgery and decided she could just lose the weight herself and lost 75 lbs".... how do I....combat this discussion (over and over again with them...sigh)...

anyone else? my folks are amazing, and supportive, etc....

I have also had this type of response from my dad, friends, and co-workers. Depending on the relationship I have with the person saying the comment is how I judge my response. Usually it goes something like this....I have lost hundreds, if not thousands of pounds in my lifetime. Losing weight is not the problem. Keeping it off after I lose it is. If you have never been morbidly obese, you could never began to understand what it is like. This is my decision. Your approval is not neccessary.

Good luck! It is only your journey to take. You decide how to take it.

<sigh> thanks.... I just keep getting hammered by them...then he ask "so have you lost any weight?" (why does it sound like an accusation?) I also told him I am STILL going to the consultation... if nothing else to get information....

they have helped me out with several financial crisis in the past and I can't just walk away from them...I really really want their support in this but....it is MY decision. This board is such a huge help, thanks.

I have also had this type of response from my dad, friends, and co-workers. Depending on the relationship I have with the person saying the comment is how I judge my response. Usually it goes something like this....I have lost hundreds, if not thousands of pounds in my lifetime. Losing weight is not the problem. Keeping it off after I lose it is. If you have never been morbidly obese, you could never began to understand what it is like. This is my decision. Your approval is not neccessary.

Good luck! It is only your journey to take. You decide how to take it.

My mother is a size 2 and is 5'11" in her stocking feet and has never had to diet in her life, even after having 7 kids (5 biologically).

She doesn't understand why I can't just "eat less, move more" and lose the weight. Over the years I've probably lost my entire high weight of 300+LBS but keeping it off is what I CANNOT do on my own! I've tried every diet from Veganism to Jenny Craig to Cabbage Soup, low carb/high Protein, lowfat, etc. I lose and within six months the weight is back and brought friends with it.

Because of that I've told very few people about being banded on 10/11. Those I have told that had a negative reaction I explained that it is my life, my body, and my checkbook.

When they begin paying my co-pays for my out of control health issues due to my weight they can begin making medical decisions for me. I took three years to research this decision, I'm 40+ years old and perfectly capable of making good decisions for myself. This WAS a good decision for me and my health/future.

As my sixteen year old daughter says... If you don't like it you can suck it haters!

smile- my dad even DID make that comment "if I ate what I wanted, I would weight 300 lbs!"

maybe if I ask how the weather is?

as to NOT telling, me being Mr Big Mouth has already let that cat out of the bag so..... (at least I am considering the surgery)

one day at at time I guess.....

My mother is a size 2 and is 5'11" in her stocking feet and has never had to diet in her life, even after having 7 kids (5 biologically).

She doesn't understand why I can't just "eat less, move more" and lose the weight. Over the years I've probably lost my entire high weight of 300+LBS but keeping it off is what I CANNOT do on my own! I've tried every diet from Veganism to Jenny Craig to Cabbage Soup, low carb/high Protein, lowfat, etc. I lose and within six months the weight is back and brought friends with it.

Because of that I've told very few people about being banded on 10/11. Those I have told that had a negative reaction I explained that it is my life, my body, and my checkbook.

When they begin paying my co-pays for my out of control health issues due to my weight they can begin making medical decisions for me. I took three years to research this decision, I'm 40+ years old and perfectly capable of making good decisions for myself. This WAS a good decision for me and my health/future.

As my sixteen year old daughter says... If you don't like it you can suck it haters!

To tell you the truth I think, with all the knowledge I've gained over the past 3 months, I could easily

lose 60 lbs or more. I've done it several times in my life. The only problem is that slowly, but surely

It'd just creep back on when I wasn't looking. That's where the band comes in. By itself, it won't take

off a pound, that's up to you. This is not much easier to lose than any good diet, the only advantage

you have now, is that the band helps keep it off. I haven't had a fill yet, the band has reduced my

hunger to a very manageable state. That's what it does. Some people have fills so they can only

eat a small amount and some have a reduced level of hunger. Without the band, I'd still have

diabetes (my A1C was 6.1 yesterday) for a 20 year diabetic, that's remarkable. Weight loss

aside, the health benefits make the band worth it. Don't let anyone talk you out of it if you really

want it. They'll come around when they see the new you w/o many health problems you had or

may have had in the future. Best of luck.

This is not much easier to lose than any good diet, the only advantage

you have now, is that the band helps keep it off.

Congrats on the Hemoglobin A1C! One thing I would like to add...there is nothing "easy" about being banded. It is much harder than any diet I have ever done. It is very regimented and structured.

just got a call from my well meaning dad....he is sending me an article about a lady who "looked at the band surgery and decided she could just lose the weight herself and lost 75 lbs".... how do I....combat this discussion (over and over again with them...sigh)...

anyone else? my folks are amazing, and supportive, etc....

I would reply that you have done your homework and are well educated with the lap band. In the process of learning about the lap band it has nothing to do with not doing the diet the normal way. The band is only a tool to help you and that eating right and exercising more is exactly what you will need to do. This is just a tool to help you eat less and never gain it again. Then I would ask dad if he wanted you alive or dead. Becasue doing what you are to date is going to make your life very short and miserable. Then ask for the support, ask if they can't say positive things to not ask or make comment.

Tell your dad you don't want him to have to bury you. That's just not how life is suppose to work. Maybe the bluntness will get to him.

Wow, brutal but true.... as they have had the "we don't want to see you die" conversation with ME.... (and with dads health I don't want to go before he does...(I would also like to be in a heatlhy, stable relationship before he leaves us too but...)

keep hammering me folks- thanks.

Tell your dad you don't want him to have to bury you. That's just not how life is suppose to work. Maybe the bluntness will get to him.

I've lost weight and regained it so many time I've lost count. Yo-yoing like that is harder on the heart than being obese is. While diet and exercise may be the normal way, losing it and keeping it off is the healthy way. I'd rather be healthy than normal!

Thats what I need to hear- if you were to do it again- would you? why/why not?

I want to hear about the hard and challenges.... one of my biggest/worst character flaws IS my laziness...and lack of will power...

tell me more?

One thing I would like to add...there is nothing "easy" about being banded. It is much harder than any diet I have ever done. It is very regimented and structured.

So I got the article from my Dad from their local cutesy paper..."Shedding pounds the old-fashioned way".... his note was ""if you would PLEASE read EVERY word"

The lady started at 475 is now 318 lbs. She was looking at BYPASS not lapband (a big difference in my mind, I would never consider the bypass, period, but that is just me...). She was also (in her words) "just fat" no high cholesterol, high blood pressure, apnea, diabetes, etc. (in my case apnea, type II diabetes, depression, cholesterol). She is also doing (it doesn't say OA but she calls herself a 'compulsive overeater' and goes to 'meetings' 3 x week (read OA) I once got a 1 year chip in OA. It didn't really work, for me. (nothing against that group). The article is VERY rambling, I think/guess it took her 5 years? to lose the weight? It also sounds like she went up and down.... and.... I feel like this is an apples and oranges thing......

one I go to my consult I will just bring back the solid info and go from there...

I think they think they can whittle me down on this one.....nope.

pendulum,

I don't know if this is true for every bandsters, but this has been my personal experience. I have been on every diet out there and yeah, i've lost weight on them, but gained it all back. those other diets i have been on have been diets in every since of the word. counting calories, restricting what i eat, staying away from certain trigger foods and all the while on those diets, i was STARVING. hunrgy all the time, but denying myself food.

What the band has done for me is it has somehow supressed that hunger and the desire to just eat and eat and eat. I think some people have mentioned that it affects the Vagas nerve and that might be what is happening.

i haven't had any fills and i'm 6 months out, so i have virtually zero restriction, but i haven't needed because the urge to eat has left me. i don't think about food 24/7 like i did.

i was a bulk eater, not really a grazer, so it's true that even with no restriction i can't just sit down and eat 2 or 3 plates of food like I used to be able to do, but truthfully, i don't even want to do that. whether it's the placement of the band or some signal it is sending to my brain, i have not had obsessive thoughts about food for 6 months. i didn't realize how much food took occupied almost every waking thought i had until the thoughts kind of went away.

so, long story short, unlike most bandsters, i really don't follow a diet. i try to stay away from bread, Pasta and rice, but every once in a while i might feel like eating a burger. i'll just go get a burger, eat it and then i'm satisfied and done with burgers for a while. I don't deny myself any food that i want to eat, i just eat a smaller portion of it, or enough to get the taste of it and then i'm done, no more obsessing over it. so far, even at only 6 months out, i have been more successful than any other diet i have ever been on.

why? well, i'm not physically hungry.

also, i don't feel like i'm cheating since i am essentially NOT dieting, but rather, eating what i think NORMAL people eat. if i go out with my skinny friends, we order stuff, i eat what i can and notice that i'm naturally stopping when they are stopping too...i don't just keep eating and then pick stuff off of their plates. also, when i eat something non-diety, i do not feel guilty.

i originally got the band because i just didn't want to GAIN any more weight. i didn't know if i would be successful, but i wanted to stop eating and eating and eating. i had no idea that it would help curb my appetite and help me stop thinking about food non-stop, but it has done that for me.

i have a long way to go and i may never get there, but i know that instead of thinking about what my next meal is, i'm thinking about making plans to hang out with friends, or go out in public, or try a new hobby. food isn't the center of my world any longer.

when your family asks, tell them that this tool is also about supressing appetite. a diet can't do that. you can restrict yourself and eat only the right things, but you'll always be hungry and you could snap at any moment and go back to the old way of doing things. that's why diets fail. you can't stick to a 'lifestyle change' forever if you are hungry and thinking about food all of the time. you just can't. you'd be miserable. hopefully, the band will work this way for you too...give you not only the restriction (if you want it) to be able to physically not eat a lot of food, but also give you that mental willpower to be able to say no to food that you are not even hungry for. that's what it has done for me.

i do not regret it one little bit. even if i never lose another pound and stay this size for the rest of my life, i know that i will not be eating and eating and eating.

Thats what I need to hear- if you were to do it again- would you? why/why not?

I want to hear about the hard and challenges.... one of my biggest/worst character flaws IS my laziness...and lack of will power...

tell me more?

Would I do it again? YOU BET! And, I happen to be a "slow loser". Best thing I ever did for myself, and the hardest I have ever worked to lose weight and still loving every minute of it. Yesterday we had a "full building evacuation drill". I had to walk down 26 flights of stairs. Before losing weight I probably would have bowed out for "medical reasons" (i.e., too fat to make it without having a heart attack). But I made it, and I didn't even have to use my inhaler. I learned that although I walk 3 miles each morning before work the muscle strength in my thighs is not as good as it could be. So, tomorrow when I go for physical therapy I will talk to my PT about exercises I can do at home to improve my muscle strength. This new attitude comes from the band and losing weight. It took me over a year post surgery to exercise consistently. But I am consistent now (for a year actually) -- and that's what matters. And I love it! So, don't worry about being lazy, you will get there when you decide you really want to work with your band ... not just sit around waiting to see what the band will do for you. You will find that most of the people on this site are anxious to lose the weight so they do whatever it takes. That is my current attitude. Every person is different ... you'll get there when you get there. The band is not around the brain, but it is a great motivator for me.

The biggest challenge for me is that I am a "head hunger" person. I rarely feel physical hunger since being banded, and didn't feel physical hunger much before banding. But I ate over EVERY emotion. With the help of my obesity specialist therapist and my band I rarely turn to food to help me feel (what I thought) was "normal". It's been quite a challenge, but I am happy with the results.

I think that if you decide to go through with the lapband surgery you will see big changes in your life - for the better.

All the best to you. And, sorry but I have to say this ... you are 49 years old and while it would be nice to have your parents' support, as an adult (of many years) you need to learn to support yourself. They may not like your decision but if you have the courage of your convictions, they will have no choice but to respect you.

This website is a great place for info and support.

~Fran

Is your dad paying for the band? Do you live with him? Are you a minor? If the answer to all of these is no, you need to just tell him you're not having the surgery and then go ahead and do it anyway. if the answer to those questions is yes, he has the right to give you crap about your current weight and health.