2006 Lapband Awards

divaliciousdee · February 11, 2006

Thanks Vera! You are just as sweet as a cold glass of lemonade on a hot summer day! LOL (Georgia Peach Style)

I nominate Mousecrazy for Most Positive:thumb:

I nominate NJ Chick for Keeping it real:amen:

Well NJ Chick and princess n thep are tied for that one.:bump2:

I vote Jack for the Best Pirate Ever!!!:pirate

mousecrazy · February 12, 2006

Thanks Divaliciousdee - I totally appreciate the sentiment! I'm so happy for you that you are doing great, and I really do repeat your slogan, "Do Tha' Dang Thang!" when I need motivation! You are a fantastic motivator for me!

I second your nomination for NJ Chick...she is too wonderful!

((hugs)) Cindy

leighhoffman · February 12, 2006

I would just like to say that you all are absolutely nuts and I can always find a smile after reading these threads. I feel like I am around people who are as crazy as me!!!

DeLarla · February 12, 2006

Vera, funny you mentioned Gidget. That was my nickname growing up till the movie, Sybil, came out. Then all my friends said they finally understood me, so they'd call me Sybil certain days and Gidget other days. Kinda the whole DeLarla/Lisa thing. If DeLarla and Lisa were two real different people, they'd probably debate each other to death.

HeatherGurl · February 13, 2006

Look, admire, comment.. but remember, he's MY sexy bitch. *sweet smile*

I knew you would have a great comment! I love both of your posts!

You 2 are definitely LBT's most AWESOME couple!!!

PhotoNut · February 20, 2006

I nominate FunnyDuddies as the funiest LBT member of 2006. She has succeeded in making Dawg laugh.. not once, not twice, but three times! He laughed.. outloud! LOL

Woot!

FunnyDuddies · February 20, 2006

Eh, I'm married to one just like him. I know what gets em snortin. :confused: Hey maybe we should swap! HA!

PhotoNut · February 20, 2006

No way in hell girl! MINE!

FunnyDuddies · February 20, 2006

bwuahahahahahaahaha!

NeenBand · February 20, 2006

Creepiest avatar ~ Sorry Leenerbups, but your avatar scares me! Is that the devil trying to eat me?

God ~ Chuck Norris

ROFL (Chuck Norris)

Yes, Johnny is that bad boy who scares you but you have to go behind the shed with anyway.

So is my avatar better now?? hehehehee

I have to warn you, I have a collection of really weird bordering on demented avatars...so be prepared!

the best me · February 27, 2006

I have a nomination for Best PB Episode Description. Pretty dramatic and well-written. Grab the tissues and close the office door to stifle the laughter! And, here's the link to the entire thread:

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=15400

This is written by StrawartS:

Oh my god.

I had gone almost 3 months post-banding without what you people so lovingly call a "PB," and let me tell you, those two little words do not do the deed any justice. I kept reading about people throwing up and I wondered what the hell was wrong with you all. I would almost rather die than vomit, as I have a very sensitive gag reflex, and once I get started, I can't stop. I thought you had to be crazy to eat so much or so wrong that it came back up.

Oh, little did I know. Now, I've had the golfball. I get the golfball, in varying intensities, several times a week. I figured it was just first bite syndrome, and it would always pass by walking around or trying to wash it down.

Until last night. I was on the San Antonio River Walk with some friends, and we were having some appetizers and margaritas. All of a sudden, I got the worst golfball ever. No warning. I went to the bathroom to try to walk it off. I paced the bathroom for about 10 minutes, and my mouth was filling up with slime. And then I threw up. It was mostly slime, and only a tiny amount of food. The most impressive part to me was that the slime came out in a 9 inch diameter BUBBLE! Like when you're using that string and wand thing and blowing bubbles! Crazy. If I didn't feel like such total shit I would have examined it more closely.

I thought I was better, and someone was trying to come into the bathroom, so I returned to my seat. I still had pressure in my chest, but nothing too bad. A few minutes later, the excrutiating golfball returned. We got up to leave, and I thought the walk back to the hotel would clear it.

But no. The more I walked, the more painful it became, and my mouth continued to fill with slime. Finally, I couldn't stand it, and I ran into the nearest restaurant to use the bathroom. Or, what I thought was a restaurant. It was actually some sort of bar that was checking IDs. I tried to hurry past the guying yelling "Ma'am!" until he manhandled me. I was at once flattered that I looked younger than 21 and terrified that I might vomit on this lovely young man. I turned to him and urgently whispered "I'm going to vomit. Please let me use your bathroom." If I have learned anything about men, it is that they are most afraid of a crazy bitch...especially a crazy bitch about to throw up.

I found the bathroom and immediately began vomiting. Another HUGE bubble. (Could I make money off this talent?) It is this vomiting session that I now consider the OFFICIAL WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. It was so painful, both in my chest and my pouch, and not at all PRODUCTIVE, like vomiting before the band was. Little chunks of food were coming up and getting stuck on the back of my tongue, making me gag and heave more.

Eventually, everything that was going to come up did, and I was left sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. And trying to rinse foot long slimes out of my mouth for the next five minutes.

Ok, so if you're still reading, a few observations:

1. Are you fucking kidding me? This has happened to you people more than once? My mom was banded a month before me, and I know that she has had this kind of episode on MANY occassions. I do not comprehend. Last night's situation has scared the pants off of me, and I have been eating VERY carefully today. I can honestly say that I would rather die than go through that again.

2. Are you telling me that I PAID for this? I should start another thread about the GIANT SCAM that is the lapband, but I'll be brief here. This was NOT in the power point presentation. The golfball was NOT ever mentioned to me. The imaginary feeling of fullness that doesn't register with your head was NOT ever acknowledged pre-banding.

3. Productive Burp? How about Excrutiatingly Painful Gagging Sliming Heaving Feels Like You're About to Die Vomitation? (EPGSHFLYADV) Seriously, the acronym is EXCEPTIONALLY deceiving. I had no idea what I was in for.

And, no, I'm not too tight. I've had this fill for a month, and have eaten much worse than I did last night. In fact, I ate half a pizza last week with no problems. Please don't judge me and tell me to eat Protein.

So, basically, I'm pissed, and I'm getting more pissed as I write this. I'm terrified of ever going through that again, and I'm angry that I was misled. I am convinced that this procedure is entirely experimental and will be contraindicated in about 10 years. And physiologically, it makes no sense. How can my pouch hold half a pizza one day and just a few bites another? I need a scientific explanation beyond "the band is finicky."

I know this isn't the right forum for I Hate My Band discussions, but maybe there are a few others like me lurking. Anybody?

TaaDaaaaa! Well done Strawart! Remember to click the link to reply to her thread. I thought this was just priceless, what with the 9 inch bubbles and foot long slimes.

StrawartS · February 27, 2006

Wow. This is better than when I won the 5th grade spelling bee! (G-L-O-C-K-E-N-S-P-I-E-L)

Thanks, Kathy!

NeenBand · February 28, 2006

That was well done. It gave me a laugh while at the same time scaring me to death.

bandayed · March 18, 2006

OK I nominate myself as neediest since as I am laughing reading this, I am also totally jealous not to have a nomination!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe most pathetic would be good....