I was watching the Biggest Loser Tuesday and Bob and Jillian were talking 1 on 1 with a few of the contestants(I guess thats what they are). At first they all pretty much shied away, tried to act tuff then all finally broke down divulging info that affected their lives, it was very emotional. My wife talked about how good Bob and especially Jillian were at getting to the "heart of the problem". I told my wife I really cant think of a reason, I've never really had any "trauma" in my life that would cause me to I guess love food as much as I do and that I would just contribute it to food always being some kind of reward in my life!

Then i thought and this is what I came up with!

My father who is 70 years old does absolutely nothing to help himself. (Let me explain), my mother passed away in 2004 at the age of 57. My father lives by himself and of course my sister and I both worry about him constantly! He's overweight(approx 300-320#, 6ft 3), he's diabetic and also had quadruple bypass surgery in Aug. of 07. At that time he stayed in an aftercare facility to recoop for about a month(his choice). He got down to 260-270# range, they had him eating better and exercising daily. When he came home he "SEEMED" highly motivated to continue down this healthy path which of course made my sister and I ecstatic even to the point we started looking into gyms in his area at his request. He was going to his drs. regularly(Cardiologist, reg dr.) then it all seemed to change! Looking back now Im not sure when or what made it change.

The frustrating part is if we try to talk to him about it he gets this look as if he is thinking about other things(he's always been this way). My sister and I talk about this every so often, try to think of ways to motivate him and nothing seems to work. I just dont understand why someone would choose to live this way. Pretty much everything going on(health conditions) is preventable or at least can be made better by making better choices.

I guess I cant understand how someone in this situation can sit around and do nothing to help! I know dying scares him because he was very nervous about the open heart surgery. He complains that his knees bother him, I've told him to try cortisone shots and he says they wont work. He also said he was afraid to get a needle in his knee, even after having his surgery! He's not getting around that well, he uses a cane and cant walk very far which he always uses as an excuse. The people at rehab didnt buy into it and he worked through it and became a little healthier for a short period.

These are just a few of my main worries!

He's going to die soon! I've pretty much accepted the fact that he's probably not going to be here within the next 2-3 years, not that it will make it any easier but I've accepted the fact(how selfish is he!) This really isnt any way for my sister and I to live our lives, worrying every minute of every day! At Christmas at my sisters I was watching my dad open gifts and all I could think about was, will he be here next Christmas, he's only 70 for $%^& sakes!

My sister is overweight, she has stressful job, she worries about everything just like my mother did. Im worried that her constant worrying will cause health problems for her, she's 42 years old. I've met all of you on here so need I say more.

My sister asked him if he thought he was depressed and he laughged at her. I actually believe he is!

My thought is, maybe I should just get pi$$ed off and tell him how I feel, let him know these problems dont just affect him, when he had surgery I took off 2 weeks of work and that alone set me back, it took a month or two to get caught up.

I would love nothing more than for him to be able to see my kids graduate highschool and go off to college, especially seeing how my mother only got to see my first born son and her only grandson for 10 months (my kids are both boys, 6-7).

So there you have it, one of probably a few of the reasons I am where I am!

I know this can get personal but its sometimes easier to post something on a site where you dont really know people per say.

Actually I just thought of a way to get this message to him without going in person and getting pi$$ed at him, Im going to mail it to him! That way I know he'll read it and wont be able to give me that blank look!

So there you have it, one of probably a few of the reasons I am where I am!

I havent ever put this down in writing... but here goes.

My mother was a yo yo dieter. She was always trying some diet or another. She had me on the same crazy diets as she was from age 12 on. I am 5'9" and was a size 14 in high school. Lost weight in college then gained then lost then gained and continued the process until last year I decided I was DONE! I never got to an ideal weight and was always 40-50lbs over weight. I "carry it well" and "you have such a pretty face" have been said to me more times then I care to think about. Being tall has its advantages as I have always dressed well and "disguised" it. But in theory I have been overweight most of my life.

I remember Mother got "thin" for several years in the early 90s. Then somewhere in the late 90s it crept back on and while she talked about it all the time I think she figured she was too old to worry about it. My mother died in 1999 at aged 78 and like your Dad I believe many of her problems stemmed from her being overweight. That was my wake up call. I do not want to end up spending the last year of my life bedridden being a burden on people because I am fat and have compounded problems. I don't want to have to have a "larger" blood pressure cuff, a extended wheelchair, a big girl bed @ the hospital, 4 people needed to turn me over......

I was blessed with Mother's fat genes and I would lose 60-70lbs and get bored with a diet and forget about it. It would come back on +30lbs! At aged 30 I went from 302 to 170 and figured I was home free. And I would have been if I would have paid attention to myself. That was in 1990. Fast forward to 2009 and I was right back where I started plus 60! It crept on at a rate of 15 lbs a year or so and I never stopped it. When I would think about it I would diet…for a while and get lazy or bored and stop. The next year I would do the same thing….

Mother's death was followed by several months of airline travel for work to which I had to ask for an extender for the seat belt for the first time in my life. That is just about the most humiliating thing ever! Then an annual vacation in Jamaica to which I was acutely aware that the chairs in the dining room must have warped since the year before since they seemed awfully tight!!! That was last summer. I spent a year thinking about it…I turned 50 and still didn't do anything serious about it.

Then in a not so glorious moment, I realized I wasn't having as many intimate moments with my husband, I was constantly making excuses not to do things which would require walking great distances and to top it off my husband told me he was worried about my health. I knew health actually meant weight…. Since my health was amazingly ok. For now!

Wake up call. I started putting 2 and 2 together. The light went off. You are 50 years old, your husband verbalized for the first time that he was worried about your weight, your mother died due to complications cause by obesity…. Its time for a change!!!

THAT is what led me to look for a permanent solution and I believe I have found it. This 3oz of plastic inside of me will be a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling…. the desire for Food! I believe in order for this or any diet to work I need to get my mind focuses on the point that food is just fuel. . Food is fuel which will keep me going until the next meal. And I don't need 12oz of fuel. 3-6oz of fuel is all I need. I can enjoy it but its just fuel.

And so far… 5 weeks post op I am doing well… not that I didn't think I could… but now I not only have the desire… I actually believe this will work because once I reach my 150 lbs goal I will have the mindset to keep it off. And if I dont... my trusty Band will remind me!!!