I need some advise from you guys. I received a text message this morning from my brother in law stating "Hey do me a favor please stop telling (my sister) everyday about how much weight u lost it gets her discouraged cause she's trying but it's obviously not gonna b the same for u 2" this text has made me cry all morning first because I don't want to hurt my sister and plus I have been working so hard I work out 2-3 times a day watch everything I eat. I tell her about my journey but I am not in anyway rubbing it in her face I wouldn't do that to somebody I love. I weighted over a hundred more pounds than she did a year and a half ago and now we weight the same and I am starting to pass her up. I don't talk about my weight loss to her I only mention it to her if I lose a pound. We of course e-mail each other at work things like what we ate for the day, how we worked out etc. I am so upset about this whole thing, I am starting to tear up again as I type this. I am always trying to get her to come work out with me or choosing healthy place's to eat at when we dine together. She is my bestfriend I don't know what to do. Please help me, let me know if you had to deal with the same situation and how you dealt with it. We have both struggled with our weight since we were young, I just refuse to be that fat girl anymore I want to live a full life and not be held back cuz I don't fit or can't keep up. Sorry this is so long...

JaGo,

I'm sorry but your friend is a jerk. And trust me that's not the first word that came to mind. Either that or they are a major narcarcist. If they wanted to have a weight intervention they should have put on their big girl panties and done it face to face. Giving you weight loss CDs so you could get the hint? Seriously? Do they have to much facial hair? How about forwarding a link to a laser removal spa.

Honk, I appreciate the sentiment however, I think that sometimes people honestly don't know what to say or do when they see their friends struggling with weight. I've put my foot in my mouth all too often myself! My friend truly is a very dear friend, and she probably just thought that that was okay. She doesn't have a malicious bone in her body; however, she obviously didn't know how to handle talking with me about such a personal matter and thought I might welcome the DVD's. As disasterous as that was for me, she meant well.

I do think its normal to be envious but still happy for someone. I have a great friend that I felt was pulling away. She recently got laid off and put on about 20 lbs when she already needed to lose 40 or so pounds. She still looked great (very curvy) but started to get depressed and she kept saying that she's going to use me as her inspiration and then joined WW. I joined her gym so we can workout but I've only seen her 3x since August! I don't talk about the band with her but sometimes slip and feel guilty cause I'm able to have that extra willpower from it and she doesn't and obviously feels defeated. I personally (and honestly) think I would too if roles were reversed...

Congrats on your weight loss. It's been a while since you posted, but i do hope things are back on track with you & your sister. I think you were in a tough place because if you shared what your BIL told you, he could've ended up in the dog house for opening his mouth but if you didn't do something, you might push your sister away. How are things going now that you've tailored back your conversations with her regarding the band? I would think she sees you losing weight and she know's how you are doing it so if she has questions, when she's ready, she'll come around and ask questions. No one can make her do it, and she has to want to do it. Just be there for her when the time comes.

Best of luck on the rest of your journey.

I didn't tell my family I was getting my band until about a week before the surgery. The next day, my sister told my mom that she had to start dieting because there was no way she was going to let me get skinnier than her. I have always been bigger - she's a tiny under 5 foot pixie in a size 6 at 52, I wore size 14 in high school. A week or so ago, while we were chatting on the phone, she bragged about losing 10 pounds the first month after my surgery. I told her I lost over twice that (I figured she wanted to know and that's why she brought it up, since I hadn't been discussing it with anyone) and she came back with "well, I'm doing it the normal way with my own willpower, not using a surgical crutch". I was blown away. Other than my husband, she was the only one who knew from day one, because she works at the hospital and is quite knowledgeable about medical stuff. So when she said that, it felt like she stabbed me in the back.

It seems to me that siblings are both our best friends our worst enemies all rolled up into one.

So later that night I get a text from my sister stating that her husband came clean about the text message he sent me. She ended up texting me back saying that it does hurt her feelings when I talk about my loss and that she is so proud of me. She has been struggling as such as I have and I have asked her why she won't get a band. She also said that he was just trying to protect her from the negative, because he hates to see her upset. I had no idea I was being negative and stated to her that I never ment to hurt her that would be the last thing in this world that I would want to do. It just comes natural to tell your BFF everything of every angle about your life. Our relationship is getting back on track, I have to admit that the first few weeks after this ordeal that it was very akward between us but we are working to rebuild our relationship everyday. Thank You everybody for your support and I hope you can all use this situation on your Journey.

Loving everyday, while I realize you and your sister are really close it was not cool to ask her why she was'nt getting the band. While you did'nt mean it this way I can guarentee you she took it as condicending and/or presumptive. Please understand I am not trying to be mean.

I once had a friend in college show me a meal she had just heated and asked if it looked good (clearly some premade thing). Not wanting to be rude I said sure it looks good. She then launched into this whole thing about Jenny Craig and how I could loose so much weight if I did Jenny Craig. Clearly she was trying to show me a way I could loose weight. But I was pretty insulted. I felt like she was kinda tricking me into saying how much I liked the food or something. Besides that I was putting myself through college and there would have been no way for me to both pay for college food (which I HAD to do) and buy JC.

The decision to have WLS is such a personal decision. A person has to be dedicated to it or they will fail. Since so much of your success depends on your food choices. A person needs to want to choose the right food. External pressure will never be enough.

Again understand I am just trying to have you see her side .