I'm looking for some insight and maybe someone to help me understand why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.

I had Lap-band®®®® done 2 weeks ago. I feel 100% normal again and have lost 16 lbs.

The other night we had a swap party at my house (this is where friends of all sizes bring their closet discards and we all shop from each others stuff). We put the XS & Smalls in the living room, the Mediums & Larges in the dining room and the XL's and Plus sizes in the family room. I've always stuck to the family room and the accessories because those were the areas I could fit into. Well, this time I spent my time in the dining room and hesitated to take anything from there. :tt1: I'm a size 18-20 right now and I was taking size 14 & 12..... so a way's in the future but it's not like I was taking a size 0 and saying "oh I'm going to wear this" (which would be pretty unrealistic as I've never been that small, not even as a skinny teen).

The emotions I felt as I was looking through that clothing: I was TERRIFIED. It was like I was scared to touch it. A Large? OMG, eeek! I cannot explain it and I wish I know how to put it into words but it was so scary to take that clothing for myself. So even though I feel great and have lost 16 lbs there is a big part of me that's also doubting that I'll ever be successful, convinced it's not really going to happen, part of me might even be SCARED for me to lose that much weight.... and I don't understand why???

I have a closet filled with clothes that I bought in the past because "I was really going to lose the weight this time". I think you might be getting stuck on past failed attempts. At least that would be it for me. I am looking forward to the opportunity to "shop" out of my closet at some point. I will be so glad to finally remove some of the sales tags....lol!!

I think we get comfortable being "the fat one". It is all we have known for so long that it fits better than any size 12 might.

I finally have dropped enough weight that I can see it and am proud and happy, but am terrified of failing. I had a slight unfill this week and have been eating like a mad woman. Why? Something to talk about in therapy this week. LOL

I guess the head needs to catch up with the body.

The emotions I felt as I was looking through that clothing: I was TERRIFIED. It was like I was scared to touch it. A Large? OMG, eeek! I cannot explain it and I wish I know how to put it into words but it was so scary to take that clothing for myself. So even though I feel great and have lost 16 lbs there is a big part of me that's also doubting that I'll ever be successful, convinced it's not really going to happen, part of me might even be SCARED for me to lose that much weight.... and I don't understand why???

I understand completely. I've been large my whole life except for one very brief period where I lost a lot of weight and then gained it all back. I have identified myself as a fat person for so long, it's hard to feel comfortable in this new skin. At this point, I wearing size 10 pants and medium tops. I always thought those people were rail thin and I just can't see myself as part of that group. Sometimes I feel like I've moved to Spain and I really don't know the language very well.

The only advice I can give is to take it slow. You only need to be concerned with where you are right now. The future is always scary. It's hard to know exactly where your weight loss journey will take you. Fortunately, my weight came off slow and I've had some time for my head to adjust. I'm not sure if I'll ever be completely at ease in the land of the normal. I always identify best with those people with weight issues. I understand it. I have a hard time understanding those folks who have been lucky enough to avoid obesity.

Even writing all this has been strange, I feel like I've been to therapy!

Cindy

I recently went out to dinner with my husband and had stopped at JCPenney to buy a shirt before we went out. I broused the plus size section and took a few 1x shirts to try on, imagine my surprise when they were too big. That meant that I actually had to go into the "normal" size section and look there. When I tried on my new selections and they fit, I was standing there literally crying in the dressing room. I was totally full of different emotions. I was so happy that I could shop in a regular store, thrilled that I looked good in a regular XL, afraid that I will fail and end up back in the plus size section, terrified that I would have to admit I have never been able to follow through with anything.

It is scary to change. I have failed so many times that it is just a part of me and I am afraid of doing it yet again. BUT my attitude is slowly changing as I shed the weight and change my habits. Now I say no to a piece of Halloween candy just because I dont want it, when before I know I would NEVER have said no, I stop and think "Hey you just said no thanks and meant no thanks,PLUS you arent fixated on that now."

Changing is hard but I am learning to welcome it with open arms .