Hi everyone,

I don't post much on the site, but I need to vent and rant for just a second. I'm devastated because I finally worked up the nerves to ask this cute guy at work if he wanted to go to lunch, and he replied that today wouldn't work because he was really busy. I know there's an upgrade going on this weekend, so he was legitimately busy, but this is what gets me. He didn't say "maybe some other time" or "I'll take a raincheck" or anything like that. Simply "Sorry, today won't work". Am I over-reacting? I feel like such an idiot for even asking.

I should have prefaced this with we don't really work together. We used to be on the same team, but I just got moved to a different floor because my work is more suited to another team.

In my mind, his reply pretty much equals flat-out rejection because if he were remotely interested he would have offered some sort of alternative. And to make it less awkward, I told him if he could feel free to invite anyone else who may have wanted to tag along.

Help me with this!! I don't want to be a basket case or drama queen, but I'm 33 and SO lonely. When I finally decide to be a little more assertive in going after I want, this is what I get. I don't have a lot of friends, and I don't know where to go to even find potentials.

What are your thoughts? I feel like such a high-schooler with a stupid teenage crush, and I have no idea where to go from here.

Thanks for listening!

PS - one small "victory" is that even though I feel like crap, I haven't turned to food for comfort!!

Hey SippNSotaGirl,

If he didn't say anything else, leave it up to him. The ball is in his court now. If I were in your situation, I would not ask a second time. He might just have been busy but I would have taken his answer as a denial. Remember you work together in the same company and he might not want to give you a straight answer because he might be afraid it will cause problems.

I suggest to date online and find some guys to date on locally. Plentyoffish.com is a great free website, there is also Tagged.com, its more like Facebook but many use it for dating. Just try a few things online to get out there. I'm dating right now different guys and I'm over 100 lbs over weight. I have not been banded, but I'm planning to in the future. I might not be able to get it for another year.

Hope this helped. :biggrin:

Sincerely,

Newera4ever

So what he's not into u, and ! Concentrate on u and your goals.move on.wait god will send u what he has for u

Toni, I think you may have stepped in a bit too soon, and caught the guy off guard. You don't say, but are you two friends? Do you talk about whatever topic in a general conversation sometimes? Do you seek each other out to share some joke or story? If not, he may not think of you as a work friend, and he may have been a bit surprised by your unexpected invitation to lunch. I wouldn't take it too seriously, or even the wrong way. He may genuinely have had things that day that made it the wrong day for him.

But before you over-think the situation, and blame yourself for something that may not have anything to do with you, think about these ideas:

1.. He may not like dating where he works. If things got serious, then fell apart, he'd have the work-drama to contend with. So he may prefer not to put himself in that place.

2. He may already be seeing someone. Despite what you may have heard, not all guys are dogs who date multiple people at the same time.

3. Maybe he's gay, but not "out" at work.

4. Maybe you're just not his type. He may like you just fine, but maybe he's not interested in you as more than a friendly face at work. He may prefer to date women who are taller/shorter/different hair color/different age group/ different ethnicity/smarter/less smart, or whatever. There could be a hundred reasons, and none of them are anything to do with you as a person.

As others have said, there are other places to meet potential dating partners. Expand your horizons a bit, and give yourself a chance to meet the right guy in a neutral setting where there aren't as many pitfalls. Be smart, and be strong. The right guy is out there, but you just need to find out where he is. :thumbdown:

Good luck!

Dave