The Band and Divorce

[UpperWestSide 3]

Good Morning:

I am now facing the biggest change in my life. After 15 years of being together, my partner and I are now separating. It is heartbreaking but it is a direction of my own choosing. We have grown fat together and I started down this road of weight loss nearly 2 years ago and had the band a year ago. She could not change with me and that has been very painful. I knew that the band would change so many things but this was not one i saw coming. With all of the research I did I never googled divorce and WLS but now I see that th divorce rate is as high as 80 percent according to some studies. I guess I am not surprised.

I spent the past year looking at the change in my in terms of how I fit into new clothes or how I looked in the mirror. I never really looked inside to see how I was changing there. But clearly it is has been as least as big a change on the inside as the outside, if not more. I am beginning to like my body. I see myself as more confident and more in charge of my own life. I want to give myself the opportunity to experience new things and while that is scary, it is thrilling at the same time. My partner can't do the physical things i can and is not looking to explore new ways of being. For these reasons and for so many more I feel I need to move to the next stage of my life. The mix of emotions is so high but I am ready to be a 51 year old woman with a long time ahead of me to build a new life. Is this a mid life crisis? Perhaps. But it is a crisis of my own making and she can't be with me as I go through it. I am both very sad at this turn of events and nearly giddy with excitment that I have found the strength to accept that I have given myself new length of days to live my life.

2 years ago I was sure I would have a short life. My body was breaking down and I could barely move. Now I have strength of body and of mind to move forward alone. I wish it could have been with her but change is hard to share. We could have both gone through this kind of transformation and still ended in this place. People don't change in the same ways.

While I am scared I am also so hopeful that life will bring me what I really believe I deserve now. Time to enjoy life and find whatever I was meant to be in my next 50 years.

[Humming Bird 275]

I'm sorry to hear your relationship is breaking up. At the same time I feel happy for you. It sounds like you have thought it through and have a good mind set. I wish you the best in your future.

[marykb 0]

I'm sorry that your partner was unable to change with you. I agree with Hummingbird that it sounds like you've really thoguht this out and know what you want to do in the future. I hope that things go well for you and you are able to accomplish all that you want.

[MRSKOUBiK 27]

While it's sad to hear your relationship isn't surviving, I find it amazing the changes you have noticed in yourself.

I hope your new life brings your great joy. And, that you'll start living the life you never thought possible before WLS!

[BetsyB 9]

I, too, am sorry for the loss of your relationship. I agree, though, that it sounds as though you're making positive changes.

I am facing the possible end of my marriage. I can't attribute it to the band, really---but I can credit the band for helping to give me myself back. Along with reclaiming myself, I've reclaimed the sense that I deserve far more than I've been given in this relationship.

I don't know whether my husband will meet the challenges. I do know that I will be fine, either way. If it does come to divorce, the logistics will be the most difficult aspect for me at this point.

It feels GOOD to love myself enough to stand up for what I deserve (even though it feels crappy that I've spent so many years settling without it)....

Yes, positive changes---no matter what the outcome, really. Hard, but growth in the right direction.

[sydney1976 0]

I am in a similar situation as well. Although, mine too really has nothing to do with the band. My band was a result of seeing the value in me...

I know I will be fine, although I have a young child, and that is making it way more devastating emotionally. Good luck everyone I will be thinking of you.

[UpperWestSide 3]

Thanks to everyone who made their commnets. I feel very sad but strong in my feelings that this is the right move for me. Hopefully, my partner will find the strength to find more satisfaction in her life and move forward with some attempt to be healthier in both her weight and outlook. I really wish nothing less for her.