There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for

nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by

the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.

The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her

eyes to Water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every

morning she would plead with him to stop ripping such nasty farts.

He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor

to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't hear of it.

He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he

would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her

hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he

didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."

The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband

continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until

one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to

prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes,

gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's

innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her

husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the

turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her

flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she

pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's

jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her

husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed

back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.

Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud

ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and

the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs

bathroom.

The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as

she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him,

she had finally gotten even!

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood

stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip

to keep from laughing and she asked him what was wrong.

He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I

didn't listen to you"

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one

of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God

and these two fingers,... I think I got'em all back in!!!"

That is so sick. LMAO too!

That is so funny but sick at the same time!

my kind of humor

I'm crying - can't stop laughing!!

That is bad, but so funny!

Bump too funny, to leave alone.

LOL that was too funny

That is funny! If you only knew my husband!

Now that I am banded, I am so getting even!

P.S. my nickname to my husband is "Fart-king!"