My wife is scheduled for the lapband surgery. She is on this website a lot and talks about how great the information and support is. I guess I just have a general question...I want to know how i can make this easier for her. She is so excited to start this process and I AM happy for her. But being the husband, I am concerned for her health...it is surgery afterall, I am concerned that there will be problems later on down the road, and I am concerned that it will be just like the last times. ( she loses and then she gains) I am also overweight so I totally understand the rollercoaster she is dealing with. That said, I want to be able to support her in this. So, my question is to those that have been through it, what has been the most helpful of your spouses/friends and what has hurt or hendered you. I want to do everything I can to be the support system that she needs. Also, she isnt wanting to tell anyone and I will totally go along with what she decides...but I honestly dont get it. She says that she doesnt want people judging her or her methods of losing weight...but are people really that vocal about it? I figured everyone would think it was wonderful no matter how she does it. Any feedback will be great. Thanks in advance.

I think your awesome for wanting to support your wife in this new life adventure. My husband is also being supportive as well. I have pre-op appts schedule, but not an actual surgery date scheduled...but it should be about 2wks after first pre-op appts. I am nervous too. It is scary, and I don't want anyone to judge me. I have other health issues that contribute to my needing to have the lap band. It is not just an easy way out for me. My doctor has been trying to get me to do it for over 3yrs and my last reports indiciated I now have to make this change or my health will continue to decline and my weight will continue to increase. Your wife is blessed to have you there for her. I have a question for the fellow bandsters...How long is the post op recovery time...when can i return to work? Thanks for your support.

I think you deserve a "#1 Supportive Spouse of a Bandster" award! I've never seen a spouse sign on to this board and ask such a thoughtful question. She is a truly lucky woman. Follow the advise the others have given -- don't police her food, allow her to learn from her experiences because it is a learning experience and be extra kind to her during bandster hell when she feels like she did the surgery for nothing (since most people stop losing or even gain during this time and feel like they can eat post-band) -- remind her that she WILL get to her proper restriction in time.

My husband and kids have been great. Like you, my husband was concerned about the aspect of surgery but once he learned the risks and advantages he was on board like you are. Your wife has an advantage in that you know what it's like to struggle with weight. My husband is super thin and can eat a whole pizza and a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting and stay at 150 lbs, but on the other hand he doesn't pick or eat when he's not hungry so he doesn't understand the concept of just stop eating. The one thing my husband has done that has been a great support for me is that when the weather was nice (I live in Michigan) he would go on my walks with me. Actually he's disabled and can't walk long distances so he would ride his Razor scooter while I'd walk. It has become "our" thing to do together every day and it's been great for my weight loss and great for our relationship.

Keep up the awesome work of being the #1 Supportive Spouse and she'll do great. Don't be afraid to ask more questions on here as she goes through the process.

My husband does not have a weight problem and never has, so my struggle was never his.

Things my husband does that I love...

He'll say "chew, chew, chew" at the beginning of a meal to remind me, as I tend to eat too fast and take bites that are too big.

He shares meals with me when we eat out. Saves money and calories!

He can identify when I am getting something stuck before I can and will say, "you OK?"

Never blames me if I get stuck, unless I blame myself first, and only then in a loving manner.

Leaves me alone when stuck.

Was right there with the pain meds after surgery.

Things I hate:

He used to tend to be the food police. He's worked hard to knock that off.

When I was getting close to getting to a weight below his he decided to "teach me a lesson" about controlling food intake and started restricting his food and lost about 7 lbs in short order.

Best wishes to both of you!

Denise

Are you for real? Seriously? Do you have a brother or a cousin? If so, here is my advice. Support her. Just support her.

Be there for her.

Hold her hand.

Listen - don't talk, dont' scold, just listen.

Don't be the food police.

Listen.

Let her tell you everything - don't judge - just listen.

Oh, did I mention, just listen.

Don't bring her trigger foods into the house.

Tell her you love her no matter what.

For, goodness sakes, LISTEN.:biggrin:

Are you for real? Seriously? Do you have a brother or a cousin? If so, here is my advice. Support her. Just support her.

ok...so is being snotty really neccessary? I thought this site was to help people...not put them down for inquiring...no matter who they are or WHY they are inquiring. I know my husband has asked why I am not telling people and he doesnt understand and acts aggrevated with me when I tell him my reasoning. And I dont know how my husband is going to respond to my new lifestyle...new eating, exercising etc. I couldnt even get my husband to read the material I brought home. So, if a man is on here inquiring about how to make things easier on his wife, I think that more spouses should take note.

How long is the post op recovery time...when can i return to work? Thanks for your support.

Ask your surgeon. Most people return within one week, some as soon a couple of days. Physically, you should be ready at one week as long as you don't lift anything over 5 lbs (again, check with your surgeon to be certain). As for me, I needed at least a week off. If you can stay off of work during your post op liquids, do so, since you tend to not have as much energy during this phase.

My best advice would be to just BE THERE! I was totally depressed after surgery for about 2 weeks (I think because of the pre/post op diet restrictions) and wanted this thing OUT!! I wanted to be normal. My husband was great and listened and never judged or made me feel like maybe I did make a bad decision. Now that i am on soft foods, we have even gone to a restaurant to eat and I feel almost normal again! Also she will need you for things. He had to put on my socks/shoes for about a week. He even had to help me up from the toilet for the few days. When I had to sleep on the recliner, he slept in the living room with me. He is my rock. Be hers! :biggrin:

ok...so is being snotty really neccessary? I thought this site was to help people...not put them down for inquiring...no matter who they are or WHY they are inquiring. I know my husband has asked why I am not telling people and he doesnt understand and acts aggrevated with me when I tell him my reasoning. And I dont know how my husband is going to respond to my new lifestyle...new eating, exercising etc. I couldnt even get my husband to read the material I brought home. So, if a man is on here inquiring about how to make things easier on his wife, I think that more spouses should take note.

Funny how tone on posts can be intrepreted differently. I read it completely different. I thought she was blown away by his support and that's why she asked if he had a brother or a cousin (so she could hook up with someone like him).

Funny how tone on posts can be intrepreted differently. I read it completely different. I thought she was blown away by his support and that's why she asked if he had a brother or a cousin (so she could hook up with someone like him).

I also thought she wanted a man just like him.:biggrin:

I also wanted to add, he cheers when I let loose a big burp. Burps are good when banded. It means the food is moving along and the banded purson is not stuck.

Might not be ladylike, but it feels soooooo good!

Thanks for being there for her!

Denise

Funny how tone on posts can be intrepreted differently. I read it completely different. I thought she was blown away by his support and that's why she asked if he had a brother or a cousin (so she could hook up with someone like him).

Me too!

Denise

Ok ya'll...you are probably right. I was having a rough afternoon and honestly someone could have told me the sky was blue and I could have very easily taken offense to it. So i apologize for being the snotty one...when i initially read it I took it that his manhood was being attacked....and we can't have that. So yes rej1977....we could all use more men in this world like you! Happy New Year Everyone.

Ok ya'll...you are probably right. I was having a rough afternoon and honestly someone could have told me the sky was blue and I could have very easily taken offense to it. So i apologize for being the snotty one...when i initially read it I took it that his manhood was being attacked....and we can't have that. So yes rej1977....we could all use more men in this world like you! Happy New Year Everyone.

No, you weren't being snotty. It's easy to mis-intrepret tone on here. You meant well by sticking up for him.

Wow.

I am so impressed that you would immerse yourself into her new world, the better to communicate and meet her needs. You must have an incredibly strong marriage, and I have no doubts that you guys are going to make it through this just fine.

You've gotten a lot of excellent advice. One thing that I would add is to stay attuned to her "Love Language." Great book, BTW, if you've never read it. The Five Love Languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

I am absolutely about acts of service, so while yes, the new jammies were a nice thought, and the back rub was appreciated; while I never tire of him telling me how much he appreciates or supports me, and as much as I appreciated that he took a week off to be with me through the ordeal -- what really meant everything to me were his acts of service. Changing my bandages. Making a cup of Soup or a mug of tea. Measuring out my pain meds. That was huge. I know that it sounds so little, but it's what is important to me. It is what says "I love you, and I'm here for you."

Think about what your wife needs. What is most important to her, of the five love languages? Supply those things and you can't go wrong!

And I concur -- if you have a brother or a cousin, please let us know. I have a warm, wonderful, single sister that would love to meet him, LOL!