LoseIt!

Unscientific work out plans are my favorite!

Very well put, thanks!

I LOVE the movies!!

I love that story!! I hope your foot feels better soon!

Yesterday was a tough blog post for me. Because I had a bad morning yesterday, it started bringing up all those old feelings. I made myself remember all of it. Not just Buffalo Butt, not just the bus, but more... There were so many times that I was interested in a boy that befriended me only to end up dating one of my (thinner) friends. It's very possible it was because they just didn't want to date ME, but all I saw was rejection of a fatty. As an adult, I had two long distance relationships right out of college and that is it. Nada in about a decade. I've only kissed one guy in about 6 years, I think? And that was a drunken hook up at a friend's wedding. Ha! Growing up, I was the same size as some of my friends, but I always considered myself the fat one. I look at pictures and that wasn't really the case. All my friends had dates and boyfriends, but I didn't. My mom said that I always pushed them away or cut them off. The older I get, the more I realize that might be somewhat true. You know that Rodney Dangerfield quote about him not wanting to join any club that would have himself as a member? That's me, I think. In my head, I don't want to date anyone that would want to date me. Wow. That's just kinda sad...like, really...sad. Did I mention that I love boys? I do. I'm boy crazy, in fact!! I just never get past the admiring stage. I know I'm smart. I know I'm witty (in person...not so much in writing, ha!) I know that I am a natural leader, have a good work ethic and I'm nice. Apparently humble as well. But all that is negated much of the time because I'm fat. I was driving with a guy friend one time and he told me that guys will choose the skinny girl over the better looking overweight girl every time. He said that he knew it sucked, but it was true. That has really stuck with me. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that fat people get married, fat people have sex, fat people date. I know all of that. While I can imagine a romantic scenario with a cute guy in fantasy, I have a hard time truly imagining it in reality. About 4 years ago, I think I had a pretty good chance with a cute guy. We would email, talk on the phone and generally made excuses to see each other. It didn't work out and I started to gain weight. I didn't stop for 80 pounds. All the weight gain wasn't about him, for sure. But I have no doubt that it contributed to the start of it. I know I feel better about myself now at 227 than I did at 285. No question about it. So, I do think that as I lose weight, I will continue to feel better about myself. I don't think when I am 185 that I will see myself in the mirror as if I am 285 or 225. Maybe the argument is that I should be happy with myself regardless of the number on the scale. But I don't think that is my reality. We'll see. One thing I do know is that I haven't stuck with anything this long and I have officially lost more at one time than I ever have before. I WILL lose 120 pounds and I WILL feel good about my body. I can't promise that losing the weight will net me a boyfriend. I know better than that. But if I feel good about myself, I know that will reflect and will at least allow for the possibility. I will work on a happier post for tomorrow!!

An emotional eating support group sounds very interesting! I can't wait to hear how that goes.

Dude, I totally hear you! If I lose 1 pound, I want to have lost 2. If I lost 2, I want to have lost 5. I'm never satisifed. Ha! Fab job, girlfriend, you are doing great!!

I LOVE update photos!! I KNOW that I'm losing because of the scale and measurements, but it is the photos that really drive it home for me. You look fantastic!!

Oh gosh, oni, I'm so, so sorry. I do hope that you will eventually be able to work this out. It is such a great tool, but if it doesn't work for you, I truly hope you find something that does.

Happy Birthday, LuckyDog! I just adore you and you deserve to have the happiest birthday ever!

That? is awesome!

Hee! Good for you! I'm not sure I would have had the same discipline.

Won't be long until ALL those clothes will be on the "fat" side. Hope is important to have and I can feel your excitement!! Congratulations!

That is super fabulous! Congratulations!

Enjoy the bread while you can! I'm guessing that after a fill or two, you won't be able to eat it anymore. You are doing a great job! Continue to follow up with your doctor and blog. Both will help you toward success!

Llyra, I have to say that you sound like a very interesting person to know! I actually wrote in my blog today about how my mom affected my weight growing up. While we can't continue to blame things on parents as we "grow up", I think it is important to acknowledge things like that so we can grow from them. Good luck to you!

You've come to the right place for sure! Welcome. We look forward to hearing about your journey!

I bow to you, Sensei! I've gotten into exercise post surgery, but I feel myself sagging on it a bit. This sounds interesting! Where did you get the program? Good job and good luck!

From the time I made the decision to have the surgery to the start of my pre-op diet, I gained 20 pounds. Considering it was only about 3 months, it was crazy! But now 6 months in, it no longer matters. Once I started my pre-op diet, I was all in and I'm doing great. Don't beat yourself up, but just ready to get going when the doc says it's time!

Wow, Wednesday will be here before you know it! Best of luck!!

3 in 15,000? Holy crap! That is absolutely awesome!! BTW, I LOVE your nude slingbacks with your red dress. Super cute!

I have found that the better I treat people, the less I care how I am treated. It's weird, but the nicer I am, the less irritated I get when other people aren't nice. Can't explain it, but it does make me feel good!

This morning has been an interesting one for me. I have talked on my blog about how emotional I am and how I have been working on keeping things in perspective. I think in day to day activity, I'm doing a good job, but I still have a way to go. Let me give you some history: I have been overweight all my life. I remember thinking I was fat as early as first and second grade. My nickmame in fourth grade was Buffalo Butt. Nice, huh? My first weightloss memory (real or manufactured...) was going to a Weight Watchers meeting with my mom in fourth grade and weighing 144 lbs. I feel like I've been on a diet ever since. I love my mom. In fact, there is no one on earth I love more than I love my mom. My mom was always "normal" sized, but was almost consistently on a diet while I was growing up. My mom grew up in a household where her father expected perfection from her. She & Dad truly strived not to be that way with my brother and me. They just wanted what was best for us. They wanted me to be healthy and happy, so they helped me try and lose weight. They took me to Weight Watchers which helped when I was actually doing it. They took me to Nutri System in high school and after a week or two I was sneaking food on the side. They found out and were really mad at me. In retrospect, I understand that they spent a lot of money (that we didn't really have) to do this for me. At the time, I felt I let them down because I stayed fat. I was a food hoarder. I would eat normally in front of people then binge when I was by myself. I remember when I was young (maybe third grade?) I dipped a big tablespoon of peanut butter in sugar and started eating it. I knew it wasn't good for me, but it was tasty! I was in the living room and I heard my parents coming so I hid it under a piece of furniture. They found it and yelled at me. I feel quite sure that they were yelling at me because it is disgusting and gross to leave food around and it would attract mice and pests (which we had issues with anyway in our pre-1900 house.) I just heard them yelling at me becaue I was a disgusting fat pig. Every time my mom tells me I look thin or that I have lost weight, I soar! When my mom mentions that I look like I have gained weight (or she asks if I have gained weight), I get physically sick to my stomach. It has always been that way, but I'm just now starting to tell her when that happens. She thinks I'm being silly, and objectively, I probably am. I talk to my mom every morning during my commute. Every morning, I cheerfully tell her how much weight I have lost. I'm typically up a little on Mondays, but not much. Yesterday, I knew I was going to eat popcorn and I told my mom. She gets a little hitch in her voice when she says "okay" that makes me feel guilty. I was up today and I kid you not when I tell you I was in the shower this morning rehearsing what I was going to tell my mom. Sigh. I'm 36 and sometimes I'm 12. According to rehearsals, I was supposed to cheerily say that I was up a pound that I felt confident would be gone tomorrow. Instead, I told her that I don't share gains with her, only losses. She started laughing and said that I must have gained a lot because I tell her when it is a pound. (I want to step in a second and say that I truly do not believe that she was laughing AT me or trying to be insenstive. My mom loves me ridiculously so and would never intentionally hurt me under any circumstance.) My face and body started to get hot and I could feel myself tense up. I told her that it hurt me that she was laughing at my weight gain. She tried to explain that she laughs at herself all the time. I was so wrapped up in my anger that I almost hung up with her. Crazy! But I was able to change the subject and we moved on. When I got to work, my friend Liz approached me and said that she messed up. I had set up a birthday party for my friend Cori and had invited Liz, but not another work friend. Liz had mentioned the party to our other friend and other friend was hurt. To be truthful, it really wasn't something that was done intentionally. Neither Liz nor other friend has ever been invited to Cori's birthday party, but right at the time I was doing the invitation, I think Liz was on her mind so she said to invite her. It certainly wasn't an act of meaning to NOT invite other friend. In my mind, other friend is in a bad place right now and she is interpreting everyone's actions as something AGAINST her when in reality, that's not the case. I was actually that way last year, before I got my life on track. I realized that NOTHING anybody else said or did truly made a difference to me inside. If I loved myself, everything else would work itself out. That brings me back to my mom. I am so unbelievably fortunate to have my mom. I can't even list off all of the wonderful things she has done and continues to do for me. Nothing she does or says is meant to hurt me. If fact, I have no doubt that my mom would lay down her life for me. I have 35 years of demons to work through. I feel like I have gotten through a lot in 6 months, but it is still going to take some time to get through the rest. Occassionally, my feelings are going to get hurt through no fault of anyone's. But as long as I realize that I control the situation and it is I who decides my emotions, I will be able to move forward. I have have nightmares on occassion of a 5th grade me on a bus where kids are chanting BUFFALO BUTT! I have dreams all the time where people make comments that I'm fat. It is my achilles heel. But I'm doing something about it! At 60 pounds lost, which I should hit sometime this week, I will be halfway to my goal. Take that Amber Melvin from 4th grade! Take that mean, mean Debbie on the school bus! But most of all, TAKE THAT BETH! I am my own worst enemy, but this time is different. This time there is no self sabotage. This time there is no letting myself get caught up in the enormity (pardon the pun) of it all. This time, I'm not just losing weight...this time, I'm changing my life. Mom, I thank God for you and dad everyday. I love you.

Hi all! It has been a super busy day at work today. Busy is good though since I hate being bored. Plus, I'm so ready for the weekend! I slept quite well last night so I'm not so tired today. Tonight I'm going to Master Bruce. I will have to be careful not to aggravate my back, but I'm sure we can still work out a good work out. Tomorrow is a busy day. I'm Jazzercise class managing at 9 AM, then having lunch with my godson. I have to grocery shop in the afternoon, then church at 5 PM with a pool party after. Whew! Sunday, though. Sunday, blessed Sunday, will be lovely. My friend & I are taking another friend's 14 year old daughter to see Eclipse, but that is all that is planned. Sweet! Monday I should be nice and refreshed! Have a WONDERFUL weekend, my friends!

Hi everyone! I have to say that I'm a little tired today. I went out with a LB support group friend last night and didn't get home until 11:30. That is late for me!! We met for dinner then went to see the musical Dreamgirls. We had a GREAT time! I feel so blessed to have met her. But I had a hard time getting to sleep and (pardon my TMI) I am feeling constipated the last couple of days. That is unusual for me so I'm getting a little annoyed with it. I think part of my problem is my lack of exercise this week. It will be a full week for me today without ANY kind of organized exercise. I feel sure that once I get back to it, my energy will take off. I have Jazzercise tonight, so that will be fun. I am supposed to go see Master Bruce tomorrow night which is fine, I guess. I have really gotten to the point I dislike him and don't want to go anymore which is too bad. I only have 4 more prepaid sessions I need to use and then I can focus on trying something else. Any ideas? I am trying to think of something fun to do probably once a week that would be a little different (to supplement the Jazzercise and running.) Mostly, I'm just looking forward to a weekend at home! I loved going to Louisiana and Kansas, but I'm ready for a break. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!! :thumbup: