kckitty

It's not every day I put my thoughts out for others to see, I'm more one of those I have everything under control on the exterior people. This journey of losing weight has not been easy but I'm so thankful that it was a tool available. Today I celebrate 50 pounds GONE! I'm not at the half way point yet but it's in my sights and for that I feel so blessed. I decided I needed a celebratory gift - so yay new shoes
 
 
My husband struggles with kidney disease and is a home dialysis patient. This disease has changed so much about our lives and I would love to just see him healthy. My goal is to lose enough weight to be tested (and hopefully match) to give him my kidney. However, part of me also feels connected to this incredible community of caregivers who realize the strength it takes to provide care to a loved one with every ounce of energy you have and still try to maintain some normalcy. Those people will always hold a special place in my heart for I have learned first hand how difficult it is to live through that. I hope some day there will be an artificial cure, in the meantime we hope others who are healthy will find it in their hearts to donate an organ and save a life.

It occurred to me today that my weight has been stagnant for 10 days... I remember when I thought holding the same weight for 10 days was some amazing accomplishment now it's some sort of curse and I'm growing impatient.
 
A good friend of mine gave me some advice that when the scale stalls bust out the tape measure. Woo - hoo Motivation. Inches decreased all over my body! What great advice!!! So I'm back to feeling positive and trying to remember that my body just dropped 50 lbs in 2.5 months it may need some recovery time.
 
My appetite is funny, some days I can only stand a few bites and other days I'm eating a decent amount. The crazy part is I seem to lose on the days I eat more. I know I know - the body needs fuel but I can only put in what I can stand.
 
Does anyone else have some advice for when weight gets stagnant?

I've been feeling really good about my progress lately, not just the weight loss, but also my physical abilities and what i can now accomplish. I had taken the day off from work yesterday and decided to reward myself. I went to the movies and saw GI Joe 2. I know I shouldn't have bought the popcorn, but I did and just got the smallest size. The sales girl tried to get me to buy the size bigger (she was just doing her job) and although I would have loved it, I refused because I knew I couldn't eat that much and didn't want to take it home with me only to finish it off later. Then she asked the bigger question, do you want butter on that? I said yes (even though I know how bad it is), but I didn't ask her to put some in the middle as I would have before surgery. Ohhhhh....how yummy it was. Half way through the movie and I had only eaten half the bag. I put it down to stop myself from getting sick. I later picked it back up and ate a little more. I had to put it back down again because it was making me feel sick. The movie was almost over and I had the urge to use the bathroom. So glad I was able to finish the movie before rushing out, although I could have waited for this movie to come out on DVD. Not worth the money, even though I did see it in 3D.
 
On my way home, I decided that I was going to make this a "cheat" day for myself. I stopped at my favorite Teriyaki place and got some spicy chicken teriyaki. I also stopped at the local produce stand and got some fruits for the week and vegitables for the soup I planned to make for the weekend. By the time I got home, I was hungry, so I started eating some of the chicken. I didn't touch the rice because I know I shouldn't be eating it, even though this is my cheat day. I probably ate about 4 or 5 pieces of the chicken and had to stop. That chicken ended up being 3 meals for me. Yes, I did eat it again for dinner and the rest of it this morning for breakfast.
 
So, what I'm finding that even though I want to try to eat some of the things that I used to before surgery, I'm still applying some of the teachings my nutritionist taught me, by habit and not from guilt of what I'm eating. I also weighed myself this morning and I'm down 3 pounds, which made me not feel so bad about eating things that aren't so good for me yesterday. I did realize that even though the popcorn tasted amazing, I probably will try it without the butter next time I go to the movies (I don't do it very often). I also realized that the teriyaki that I used to love doesn't taste as good now. Lastly, I know that it's okay to treat myself once in a while and knowing that I still can apply what I've learned to my choices, I still can do it without feeling guilty providing that it's on a rare occasion.
 
Today, I am back on my schedule of making good choices (minus the teriyaki breakfast). By the way, I did eat my normal breakfast for lunch. I'm feeling good, possitive and happy and can't wait to see/feel the changes that will happen through out the next year. =)

Had my 3 month appointment on 05/17/13. My doctor says I'm losing weight a little faster than expected, averaging about 3 1/2 pounds a week. I thought WTF? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with that, but I thought it was a little slower than a lot of people. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it's hard not to wonder why others are losing so much more than I am.
 
I went shopping over the weekend because I'm just tired of wearing clothes that don't fit right. What a frustrating experience. I'm still in the plus size section, but just can't seem to find anything that isn't ugly, to my at least. Of course, I'm shopping at stores that the clothes cost a little less because I know I won't be in them long and don't want to spend a lot of money on something that I will grow out of fast.
 
The other issues I'm having is although I look at myself in clothes and can't believe how skinny I look in them, when I take pictures, I still see that "bigger" woman that I was last year. It's hard to get those thoughts out of my mind.
 
I did go dancing on Saturday night, which I hadn't done in about 2 or 3 years and it felt so good to be able to dance through 3 or 4 songs without my ankles hurting or getting tired.

Hubby dove me 3 hrs each way to see surgeon for post op appt today. finally under 300# (299) so I'm down 26 from first appt in Feb
Incisions are still horribly red. He decided its allergic reaction to adhesive on steri strips.
He Rec OTC cortisone cream. He wasn't concerned that I still had some pain and wrote me an RX for more liquid Vicodin. I was starting to feel like a baby. Doing great, but feeling like I should have minimal to no Pain at a week out. He questioned me on fluids and amount of protein. I guess I'm only getting in half the protein I should be. He wants 80-90gr. It's getting harder to get down the premier protein drinks as I've Been on them for so long. We stopped on the way home and bought some unflavored whey protein to add to soups etc, but when I tried it tonite...it was just too big of a scoop if I'm only eating 1/2 cup of soup. Which is too bad cause his powder has 25gr protein. But the scoop is huge! Almost 1/4 cup volume I'm sure. Back to the drawing board I guess. I'll try to get 2 shakes in tomorrow.
Anyways, between the long car rides, and being in pain. I was worn out when we got home at 2 pm. I'd taken a protein drink with me and sipped on that and water for the car ride there. And hubby got me a latte with whole milk to sip on for ride home. I went too long without enough nourishment, was dehydrated and in pain. My B/P dropped and nearly passed out. All better now. But looking forward to a pajama day tomorrow and owning the tv remote while hubby goes to work.
Will really work on liquids and protein this week so stomach heals and I can move on to soft foods next Monday!

Recipe courtesy Kulita’s Hubby
 
Prep Time:10 min
Inactive Prep Time: -- Cook Time:55 min
 
Ingredients:
1 ¼ quart water
1 ½ pounds smoked Ham Hocks ( can substitute with smoked turkey legs)
2.5 lbs collard or turnip greens
1 ½ Tbsp salt, plus extra if desired
1 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp Apple cider vinegar
1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
 
Directions
Place the quart of water and ham hocks in an 8-quart pot over medium-high heat. Cover, bring to a boil. Reduce temperature to low and allow simmering for 10 minutes.
 
In the meantime, remove any large stems/thick veins from the greens and wash them thoroughly; do so in a sink with at least 8 inches of ice water. Moving the leaves around in the water and allowing them to sit for a few minutes to allow the sand or dirt to fall to the bottom of the sink. Once clean, thoroughly drain and chop pieces in half. You should have 2 pounds of greens once they are stemmed.
 
Once the ham hocks have simmered for 10 minutes, add the greens, salt and sugar, reduce the heat to low, cover, and allow to simmer gently for 20 minutes. Add in the vinegar and pepper flakes at the 20 minute mark and break up the meat from the hocks. Start moving the greens around every 15 minutes. Once the greens have been cooked for at least 45 minutes check if they are tender ( not mushy).
Taste and season with additional salt, if desired. Serve immediately with or without pieces of ham.
 
Serves 4-6 people

I'm on day 4 of my preop diet..and decided to make my "Own" tastier Lean Cuisine type meal tonite. I took chicken mixed with Greek yogurt and curry...to be put on top of broccoli with a smidge of cheese and heated up.
But while mixing the chicken mixture, I decided to add some fresh ground Himalayan salt
The entire lid came off and dumped salt everywhere!!
I carefully tried to scoop most of it out and had to vacuumed the rest. I was Soooo hungry I tried to eat it anyway. Alas. It sucked and couldn't finish the chicken.
I want some frigging pizza!
But fear not...I won't.

Hi. My name is Liz and I was born, raised and live in the Chicago burbs. My story seems similar to those I have read here on this forum...I have battled with my weight for as long as I can remember. When I was 13 I remember crying b/c I couldn't fit into anything in the juniors section. Even back then I thought "When was I a size 6? Was it for 4 days in the third grade??" I have done Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers losing a good amount but always gaining back more over time.
 
April 2011 my wonderful son Julien was born (despite my battles with PCOS I had him naturally) but after I had him the pounds just added it quickly. I went in for a physical in October 2012 and was floored when the scale said 295! It was my rock bottom, I knew I needed to make some BIG changes.
 
My surgery is set for May 23rd. Last week I finished all my pre-surgical testing and today I start my 15 day pre-op diet. I can only drink protein drinks and clear liquids for the next 14 days. Today I had a chocolate strawberry shake for breakfast, a root-beer float shake for lunch, and a coffee/mocha shake for dinner. I was pretty impressed with my creations - all slightly different recipes the office provided me when I purchased the shake powder. I also had two mugs of low sodium chicken broth and 2 sugar free Popsicles.
 
I made my husband eat dinner out tonight b/c I knew I couldn't handle watching him eat in front of me. I was pretty strong all day, and I wasn't up for ending the night on a low note. I had to feed my son his dinner but I wasn't tempted at all. There is half a banana calling my name in the kitchen, but I'll blend it in with my morning shake tomorrow.
 
I'm trying to focus on how this is my choice. Back when I would do other diets I would say things like "I can't eat that." And feel that I was denying myself. Now I say "I can eat that, but I choose not to." I like how that gives me the control.
 
Well, one day almost done with 14 more to go. Staying strong and in control...
 
--Liz

Last night was for sure the best night of my life. Last year I went to an event with my husband. I felt beautiful but yet uncomfortable the whole time. I had on a pretty dress, nice make up, a pretty smile, and my handsome husband right next to me. But yet I felt like I didn't quiet blend. This year was a different story. I walked in and own my space !!!
 
I was so happy to be in a room FULL of food but yet my attention was not on that( Nothing taste as good as skinny honey!). We spoke to other people and flirted with each other like little kids :wub: Needless to say I fell in love with the man again!
 
I felt proud of myself. When I asked my husband to take me to the dance floor, his facial expression was priceless!! Before I would have bite his head off for even suggesting it. But last night I ASKED! he loved it! we danced songs, after songs until my toes begged for mercy lol!!
 
I am grateful to God for allowing me to see this day. I went from a size 28 to a 16 and that is the best XMAS present ever...
 
1st picture: Picture of last year VS this year with my hubby
 
2nd picture: Me, Last year VS this year

HELLO Y'ALL!!! I don't have much to report. Life has been pretty good. Because of my workload, going to the gym has been pretty impossible. Because of that, I am very careful with my food intake. Speaking of food intake, I am able to eat more!! PRETTY SCARY :ph34r: I remember at the beginning, I wanted to eat more. Now that I can, I wish I could go back to the days where two bites was all I needed :wub:
 
 
But life goes on!!!
 
HAPPY MOMENTS:
​No seat belt extender needed ( Flew to NY)
My daughter's friends called my skinny
 
SHAMEFUL MOMENT:
I ate half a bag of cheetos

I am almost at my one year mark. I really can not believe how much I have accomplished!! I am so much stronger, wiser and in control. Not only with my eating but with my life as a whole. My confidence is through the roof, my whole outlook on life and the way I approach life is different. Who knew taking control over my eating, would not only improve my health, but my life?!
 
I wish a year form now, this feeling stays the same. I wish all the good habits that I have picked up during this first year, will stay with me forever.

I'm ending day 2 of my "Liver Shrinking Diet" I have to be honest and say that I've been in tears most of it. I started out with my premeire protein drink nd made it into a smoothly with ice and 1/2 a banana. It took me or ever to get it down but I felt satisfied.....until about 2 hours later.
So I decided to have a Cup of cottage cheese for 200 Calories instead of the 160 in protein drink and the 50 in banana. I enjoyed chewing the cottage cheese and took tiny bites practicing hw my post op eating should be. But.... About 2pm I was starving again.
So I tired to fill up on water and iced tea. Chatted with friends online and just quietly cried. I mean SERIOSLY if i was ABLE to eat only 870 calories a day, then I wouldn't be 150 pounds over weight!!
So hubby took me out f the house to get some hanging potted plants for the back yard. We picked him up some baked chicken and veggies etc for His next couple of meals. I asked him to just Not eat any pizza on front of me. He understands and agrees. I've been called by the anesthesia department and just waiting for hosp call tomorrow or Fri with Surgery time. I can and WILL do this. I've lost 6 pounds since Sunday so will def meet my goal of losing 10lb a week before surgery. But I gotta say....it's Not an Easy Road.

OK- when I say "there" I don't mean my final goal- but I do mean ONEDERLAND! Weighed in today at 204....I have been trying so hard to stay on track and push this extra weight off...I'm about 1/2 way to my actual goal- and saying as it's only been 9 1/2 weeks, I'm pretty proud to report that
 
I'm excited to go through my summer stuff- and toss/donate all the old clothes from fall/winter that are now way too big, and dig out the summer clothes that I've been storing for years (that used to be too small), telling myself that "eventually these WILL fit again". I'm down 3 sizes since my surgery- which is a great feeling...and even if it was an XL, I bought a new summer dress for myself in the juniors section the other day (little victories make this so much more fun!)
I'm a little worried that those that knew me best were right, that I've become so hyper-critical of myself that I'm still not pleased with what I see. I feel better- don't get me wrong, but I'm already mentally planning to get pretty much a full-body makeover when I'm at my goal. A plastic surgeon in the area does what he calls a "Mommy Makeover"...tummy, arms, thighs, boobs...SIGN ME UP.
Anyone else feel that way? Anyone else a little worried that you'll NEVER look in the mirror and just be happy with what you see??

Hi my name is Erica, I've always been on the big bone or Heavy side so this past few months I started looking into the gastric sleeve process and I started to educate myself about the pros and con's of the surgery. when I went in to see my doctor he was so warn and understanding i then felt really comfortable going on through with the surgery. so I had to do some pre surgery tests before i could set a surgery date. That took about a month and I had my date set after the date was set i had to wait 2 weeks to allow time for my pre op liquid diet. So, I've had my surgery and all I can say is it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! the first two to three days after surgery were the worst! but, its been almost a week now and I'm feeling better. I still can't eat real food yet I'm on a all liquid diet but the pain has let off some. I have five small incision's on the upper on my stomach. I have been taking pro mod high protein liquid (it tastes awful) so its been very hard getting enough down. I've also been eating the cool pops.
 
I was under the impression after my surgery I wouldn't be hungry any longer but boy was I wrong! My family has been eating everything and I feel like I'm starving to death here but can't eat. I think this is a awful feeling and I'm hoping it will pass soon!
 
I'm Praying that this gets better! someone please tell me it will??

The pain! Oh God, the pain! - no, just kidding. They put me under and I woke up with a scratchy throat. I wouldn't even have noticed my throat if I hadn't been warned that it might be sore.
 
I was under for about 20 minutes, woke up and was back in the car headed home within the hour. If they haven't told you, they won't let you drive yourself home, but I felt alert and had no after effects of the anesthesia.
 
They gave me the same stuff used on Micheal Jackson, to put him to sleep.
 
It was funny, they put a mouth guard in so I wouldn't bite the scope, said they were about the put me under.
 
Next thing I know, I'm waking up (thinking that I had just blinked my eyes) and I put the mouth guard back in because I thought I had let it slip out. The staff was laughing at me, cause I didn't realize the procedure was over.

This is going to be a GREAT day! My daughter, Makenna had a hard time getting to sleep last night so I was up until about 12:30 because of her. Then my husband who has been also trying to get his weight under control woke me up around 4 this morning while he gets ready to go for a bike ride... My response to that was "could you take some of this new found energy you have and fix the toilet seat?!" I am not a helpless woman, I do a lot of the fixing up around here myself, but for the LIFE of me I can not get the darn toilet seat to tighten up so that when you sit on it it doesn't FLOP to one side! If he were to wake me at 4 AM because he was fixing the toilet, I would be less likely to complain about it. At least I woke up feeling better today, my sinus infection may actually be clearing up!
So I wake up, I grab my dog. I have two Pomeranians, a male name Optimus Prime and a female named Vidia. They are very important to me and I am sure I will mention them more. My little Vidia is only about 4.5# and she loves to cuddle with me in the morning while I have coffee. So I grabbed my Vidia and head to the kitchen for coffee. I get about half way through making my coffee when my daughter comes out and she has so much energy! She is jumping around, twirling her dress! I tell her to come to me so I can fix her hair and she hops over to me with big smiles and giggles. Nothing starts your day off better than a happy little girl! I begin fixing her hair and I ask her what has made her so happy this morning. She yells out "We are going to the circus!!!"
Then her twin brother, Ethan comes into the conversation. He too was excited, the two of them start talking about what is at the circus. Mind you, neither one of them has ever been this will be their first time. In my last marriage, my husband never held a job and I rarely had any money to do anything. So Ethan says that he thinks there will be clowns, balloons, and lions. Makenna says there will be zebras, tigers and camels! I add in that there will be elephants too!! Ethan gets a very worried look on his face and says to me "I hope we don't step in elephant poop mommy!" Let me tell ya, the thought had never really crossed my mind before then, but I sure hope we don't either!
After I sent the kids off on the bus I got to thinking about that statement and I laughed, but also I learned a lesson from it. I have spent the past two or three days stuck in a negative funk about my decisions for surgery and really the things that got me in that negative place are just as relevant as the idea of stepping in elephant poop. Its so unlikely to happen and if I just keep my eyes open, stay on the clear path its highly unlikely I should suffer such misfortune!
Just to prove my point, I stepped on my scale and I have made it to 300.0! I can't wait to see that wonderful 200 range again! So my plan for the day is to remain positive, to love my family, enjoy the circus and to stay clear of elephant poop!

This morning I bought a variety of Crystal light flavors and low and behold, there, on the top shelf, was Margarita flavored Crystal Light. I decided not to buy it but it is a thought for a different flavor.
 
I am trying to rule out anything I really do not like the taste of before surgery. I have yet to find a protein shake that isn't disgusting to my taste buds. I am going to try isopure next. Wonder where I can find those......
 
This week is dedicated to trying new clear drinks and other liquids....the best chicken broth, etc.
 
Once I survive the week of pre-op diet and the first few weeks after surgery diet, I can cope with anything.
 
Margarita's anyone?
 
Judy

Well, it's been a week and my life is already different ... in a good way that is My husband and I took a ride in our new car since it hit finally hit 75!! What a beautiful day. We even went to a pizzeria and I had broth with a smile, didn't even crave the pizza!! I decided that I need to go about my life as if I would normally or else I may fall into a rut. We have lots coming up soon with family and friends and I will be @ all Have a great night everyone!! Getting ready to have some broth while the family has greek chicken for dinner.

I can't believe it's been a month already!! Life is so much like normal now. I can eat out, go to parties with no issues, etc. I am down 29 pounds and feel great. I went to a communion yesterday and was able to find enough friendly protein to eat. I think the hardest part this week has been to eat enough! My calorie intake is not high enough so I have hit a plateau. I ate some shredded cheese in between lunch and dinner today, let's see how that works. It's very hard to make yourself eat when you really don't want it .... I guess that's always been my issue though. Does anyone have any snack ideas?

How long has it been? How long since I felt like I was the right size and weight and everything about my body was acceptable?
 
And, bigger question... Where did this bloated, waddling, unhealthy, wide loaded woman come from that keeps showing up in my mirror and in pictures that get taken with my family?
 
Looking in the mirror is so hard, especially in the evenings when I'm getting ready for bed and seeing "all my glory" and realizing I really am as big and ugly fat and tired looking as I feel. Arrrrggghhh!
 
Is that really me? How did I let myself get to this point? I sit in a dressing room, my cute little teenage daughter (13) trying on adorable trendy little outfits and dresses. I see her spin and pose as she gets in a pink princess thing. She walks back in to try another one on. I'm sitting on a bench holding several hangers of other dresses and feeling tired, again. I look over at the mirror and see myself and I lose it. I cry and almost start sobbing right then and there. It hurts so bad. I used to look like her and I thought I was fat. Is that what doomed me to this? Was it because I didn't thank God for how I looked then? Did I take it for granted?
 
 
Honestly, I have thought I was fat from eighth grade (5'7", 130 lbs) when I began to get taller and a little wider in the hips than my little petite and pretty and girly classmates. That's the same age as my youngest daughter. I already hear occasional little comments she makes of herself and things that are not just perfect. I want to make her see how beautiful she is and embrace it!
 
When I look back at pictures from that time in my life (high school years), I wanna go back and slap her (myself) silly for not appreciating how pretty I was. I really had such an adorable figure. No, I didn't have much in the way of boobs, but I had curves in other "right places." I got attention from boys. I looked great and was tall and thin really, until I had my second child at 22.
 
In all truth, I know a lot of the explanations and reasons that I am in this place physically. I know there are a variety of things to blame from four pregnancies, perhaps a few medical causes, nutritionally bad choices, laziness, pain, bad marriage, stress, genetics, environment, and probably a few I haven't read about or dealt with yet.
 
Now in the last three years I come to the point where I have these little break downs like in the dressing rooms multiple times, or getting ready for a night out or to go to church and just sit in my closet and cry and hate myself. I've done it getting out of bed (rather, heaving myself out). Mentally being in a state of fury at my limitations that I know are self-imposed when I try to help my daughter move out of her college apartment and I can't even carry a 15 pound box down a flight of stairs without having to rest 10 minutes and huff and puff like I ran a mile.
 
This place is my "low point"... my "end of the rope". I'm at the bottom and exhausted enough to finally admit I need MAJOR HELP. And THAT is what brought me to WLS and specifically VSG.
 
There is a change in my focus that has helped me transition slowly, day by day from disgust with where I let my weight go and my new found hope and belief in myself I have begun to feed little by little with that hope. I can do this... I can do this... I really can be healthy and fit again. There is a tool I can use that I never really considered. Thanks to where I am in my life, the fact that we have good insurance through my husband's job and the support and encouragement he has showered on me constantly... I'm ready.
 
I'm feeling that by this time next year, I'll be looking in mirrors and pictures and saying "WOW, I knew that pretty girl was still in there somewhere under all the fat."

Update: 4-26-3013:
It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food."
 
Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash?
 
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
 

 
 
 
I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal.
 
But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in.
 
You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!"
 
Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

Day 6 - Monday, April. 22nd. The weight "falling off" has slowed down. I'm seeing my weight fluctuate back and forth about 2 lbs throughout the day. Typical. My lowest weight daily will be early morning before I have any intake. I think the 3 lbs that fell off in 10 hours a couple of days earlier was a fluke (with my scales). Today, that 3 lbs is definitely gone. I awoke groggy from the pain pill I took Sunday night. I felt buzzed most of the day. I hate that feeling. No more pain pills for the sake of sleep. I used my 4-lb hand-held weights for arm and shoulder exercises/ strengthening. Even five minutes of it while sitting on the sofa is better than nothing. I ate SF Butterscotch pudding for breakfast (made with Double-Milk). The Fruit 2-O peach water has become one of my favorite drinks. So is Snapple Peach tea. I need to make a pitcher of decaf tea sweetened with Stevia. The only ready-to-drink tea I have here has caffeine in it. And, I think it is playing a part in my restlessness at night.
 
I don't think I drank enough, so I am going to log the volume now. I haven't been journaling my intake. Bad girl. Adding protein grams in my head really isn't accurate enough. Ethyl thinks so, too. (Ethyl is the name I gave my body, since I am listening to her more than ever. I'm learning she has a lot to say. Don't worry... I won't end up with a split personality from this.)
 
I came up with a great idea last night. I'm looking forward to testing it on the regular diet stage. When I crave a crunchy snack, I'll pour a little Special-K High Protein flakes into a little bowl and eat them. Dry. They taste really good. The protein is needed anyway. And, if I mince them up really good, I'm hoping Ethyl will like them, too! It satisfies the psychological desire to crunch something.
 
Showering and washing/drying/styling my hair exhausted me. I had to rest for an hour to regain my strength. My protein drink helped pick me up again. Mid-afternoon, I decided to push myself to walk. The more I move, the quicker I can flush out the toxins from anesthesia and those pain pills. So, off we went, the dog and me. Two blocks to the local park. Upon arrival, I sat and rested. I was tired! No! Just two blocks? Before surgery, I'd walk to this park and do 5-8 laps on the jogging path (power walking - not jogging). I hadn't even started the first lap and I had to rest? Okay. Ten minutes later, we were walking the lap. (One lap = 3/8 of a mile.). I had to sit and rest halfway through the lap. Ten minutes later, we resumed. And, this was no power walk. It was a nice leisurely stroll. I'm pacing myself. When the 1st (and last) lap was completed, I had to sit and rest again for 10 minutes. Trying to get enough strength to walk the 2 blocks home... Tempted to call my husband and ask him to come get me. No shame in that. I still made progress! But, I'm determined to finish what I started. So, I finally returned home. An hour had passed and I had walked less than a mile. Ha ha ha! That's ok! This is Baby Steps. I don't expect Ethyl to be able to break my walking record before April 17th. This is a new life. New beginnings. I'm doing just fine.
 
Still no nap. I should be taking advantage of this time and sleeping more. After two months camped out with my sister in ICU (Jan-Mar), I am still sleep deprived. Hard to turn off my thoughts. I'll work on a good nap tomorrow.
 
This forum has been so helpful and filled with great advice and tips. Someone told me the burnin' in my sternum was probably tomato soup. Of course! I hadn't considered that! Thank you for the good advice! And, I find I can share my story of my battle with my insurance company to help others, too. That makes me feel good to know I can give back. So, I changed my Display Name here from PBCNasher to SqueakyWheel&Ethyl. We are one and the same, you know.
 
 

I had my sleeve done on March 30, 2013. This is my story so far… even though I feel like I am eating like a bird, my weight loss has come to a halt! I am upping the exercise a bit to see if that helps. The lack of weight loss is frustrating, however, I am fitting into smaller clothes! It is the best decision I have ever made regarding my health. At first I felt very sad - I missed chewing - doesn't that sound weird? But then after a few weeks I was allowed to have soft foods and the desire to chew up some meat was fulfilled! Now I find that I don't even really enjoy food - it is a chore to figure out what I want to eat. I make sure I get my protein drink in each day and a V8 along with the vitamins and calcium citrate; the rest is just filler. Nothing tastes as good as it used to before the surgery. If this keeps up, it will be a breeze to lose more and keep it off for life!
Food was my best friend that I turned to whenever I needed to calm myself, soothe my mind, celebrate an occasion, and so on. The surgery has severed this relationship - it's been like losing a friend that I depended on for moral support. But now I realize that food was not my friend – it was a crutch that was bringing me down – not holding me up. I am learning new ways to cope with life – it is wonderful. I think anyone who has struggled with weight should consider this surgery. The recovery is painless and the scars are minimal. I can’t wait to uncover the thin person that is inside this chubby body – what a treat that will be! Good luck to all!!

Had to share Pretty damn proud of myself!!
 
Left to right (Jan 2103- pre op, 3/30/13, 4/22/13)

Starting this blog with the day before surgery. No food or water after midnight Tuesday, 16th. I took a mild laxative early on the 16th, too, thinking a flush would make this easier on me. I followed hospital instructions. Change the sheets. Check. Shower. Check. Then wash with the hibiclens, avoiding head and genitalia, and using hands only - no wash cloth. Leave on skin for 5 minutes, then rinse. Check. No lotions. Check. No contact with pets. Check.
 
Surgery Day. i showered using the hibiclens again. I worked 1/2 a day. Surgery was in the afternoon and went like clockwork. I arrived on time, got set up in Pre-op, and was wheeled into OR. My last memory before I fell asleep was the digital clock. 1:59:38. Surgery set for 2 pm. Perfect. I awoke feeling deep ache pain high up on my tummy, just under my breasts and in a very small localized area. I was aware of a couple of other tender places on my tummy, but they didn't bother me like the one high up. I kept saying, "Pain.... nausea. ... Pain... Nausea..." over and over, figuring if I was a nuisance, they'd knock me out again. The fact is, the pain was probably a 7 in a tiny spot. The nausea was about a 3... Hardly there, but I knew it would get worse before it got better and I don't handle nausea with grace. They shot me up with pain and nausea drugs and I stopped mumbling and slept, still aware of the ache, but it wasn't as intense.
 
I was in my private room by 5 pm... Maybe even 4? I'm not sure. The nurse was all over me wanting to make sure I was comfortable, offering me morphine (I can't take Vicodin, their standard pain-killer issue) and Zofran (nix the Phenergan, too...allergic). I eagerly accepted her offer. Not really nauseous, but aware that it was lurking close by. My voice was cracked from intubation. No sore throat. But my mouth was dried out and I offered $1,000 for ONE ice chip. Nope. IV hydration/nutrition given. NPO until the next morning's upper GI test. My sweet husband wouldn't crater to my begging for just one little ice chip either. He did break down and wet a wash cloth so I could wipe out the inside of my mouth. My Pre-Op Nurse had this same surgery 14 months ago and said her hubby did that for her, so my hubby decided it was ok to cheat that much. He stayed with me all night long making sure no mistakes were made. (We've experienced enough errors in hospitals in the past to KNOW one should NEVER be left alone in a hospital. They need someone to champion them). I slept on my back all night long, which felt weird, since I'm a side sleeper. No-way was I going to roll over on my sore tummy. At 3 am, I stood up and walked to the bathroom - with the nurse, of course, and I peed. First two hurdles done! Walk and Pee!
 
Day 2. Early morning, whisked off to do the upper GI. This is to check to make sure there are no leaks. They warned me that the barium i was about to swallow tastes really bad. They had a cute little barf bag handy and said, "you might need to throw up, so, take this." I was determined to NOT need to throw up. I told myself, this is going to taste bad. It will only last a few minutes and I can rinse out my mouth. Yeah, I can do this. I'm tough! I had to stand on a pedestal and drink the most Gawd-awful swill known to man while they xrayed it going down my newly designed pipe. I thought breathing through my mouth would make it easier. It made it worse. What did it taste like? The only word I can come up with is BITTER. Not sour, not fragrant. Just BITTER. To the eleventh degree. I was given water, which I gargled with, but hesitated to swallow, since I already had about six big gulps of the swill churning inside me. Nauseous? Yeah. But, I can handle it! No leaks, so I was taken back to my room. As I sat up to stand and get out of my wheelchair, the nausea went BAM! "Give me the bag." I lost that battle. But, it didn't hurt as bad as I feared. My tummy just felt a little sore. And all I did was dry-heave, so it was very brief. Ok! I CAN. handle this! I was given more Zofran and morphine and a BIG cup of soft ice. Ah, heaven! I wasn't interested at all in eating, but the ice was great to melt in my mouth.
 
A few minutes later, a tray was brought in with chicken broth, orange jello, and decaf tea. The hospital has a nurse that rounds all the weight-loss surgical patients and she sat with me and showed me exactly how much I was to "sip" SLOWLY in a fifteen minute period. Which meant I had to pace myself and be sipping every 5 minutes on something. I actually thought it was fun! (What do I know... I was drunk.)
 
I tolerated feeding very well, being cautious to not gulp. I did notice that if I swallowed too much too close together, I'd feel a twinge in my sternum that would say, hey, slow down or I'm going to start spasming. I'm learning to pay closer attention to my body and her signals. I've decided to give my body her own identity. Her name is Ethyl. Ethyl has no idea WHY I'm so mean to her.
 
The second morning was a lot of sipping and napping and walking around the unit. I was discharged and home in my own bed by 2 pm. Exactly 24 hours after surgery started. I like it when everything is done efficiently. I already had a wide variety of clear liquid choices, so I sipped on chicken broth, decaf tea, and sugar-free Popsicles. I walked the length of my house about three times. And napped a lot. I took my Ultram and Zofran pills on time (pain and nausea) because they told me to. "Don't be a hero." OK!
 
Sleep was interrupted frequently with Ethyl barking at me. Especially when I would try to roll over on my side. I learned to try to sneak side-rolling past her by doing it slowly and with a pillow supporting my tummy. It worked. End of Day 2. 7 lbs gone.
 
Day 3. Lost another lb. 8 total. At 2 am, I had my last pain and nausea pills. I'm done with them. Back to sleep. I awoke at 7 am, put on my yoga pants, t-shirt and sweater, grabbed the leash and took our dog for a walk around the block, sipping on a bottle of water as we walked. It was 38 degrees outside, so we only did one block and came back in. I started my Full Liquid diet. I had my tea. Missing the caffeine. Throbbing headache. And sinus drainage. Nothing to do with the surgery, yet a welcomed distraction from Ethyl's whining. I made a pitcher full of Double-milk. 1 cup skim milk mixed with 1/3 cup of dry non-fat milk. Double milk = double protein intake. And foods made with it taste richer. I made instant grits with it. They were really creamy and... Well... FUNKY tasting. I'll have to work on that.
 
I went on a shopping outing with my sister for about an hour, and found my legs feeling wobbly when we got home. i did well, but obviously need to lay low and quiet. I've been active enough today. I was told to go outside on Day 3. Check.
 
I mixed 1/2 can of Campbell's Cream of Chicken with Herbs with 1/2 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom With Garlic soups and 3/4 cup of Double milk. Heated it up and poured it into a deep mug. Not only did it taste pretty good, it also tricked Ethyl into thinking I had chewed up a whole meal! I just sipped on it slowly over a couple of hours, intermittently sipping on water, too. Score! Ethyl didn't know the difference! I also had SF vanilla pudding and tomato soup, along with some of a protein drink. Everything was tolerated very well. I just have to be careful to not take in too much, too Fast. If I do, I cramp. And, walking around makes it subside faster. End of Day 3. Another 2 lbs gone. 10 total.
 
Day 4. Lost another 3 lbs. 13 total. Wow! How can I drop THREE pounds in 10 hours?!? I checked again. Yep! Three pounds! I awoke feeling like I've had a setback. Guess Ethyl didn't like all the activity yesterday. It's noon and I'm still in bed only sipping tea. I need to go make some soup. The caffeine-withdrawal headache isn't as bad today. Time to walk. I feel lousy. Nothing specific. Just weak... Disjointed... And bummed that my adrenaline high is gone. I'm weepy. Broccoli Cheese soup mixed with double milk and heated. Peach tea. I need to cut myself some slack. I'm still on track and the intermittent blues are to be expected. No significant pain. Nausea totally gone. Today will be a Still and Quiet day.