DeLarla

300 calories a day? He should be shot. I bet he couldn't eat a 300 calorie snack.

I would have tried Gas-X if someone would have suggested gas! I had the same fierce pains on the left side the day after surgery. You should have seen the look on the Urgent Care doctor's face as I tried explaining there's a tube shoved in my abdominal wall and "I SWEAR, that's not what's causing this evil pain." DQ

Do you ever wonder where some screen names come from? For example, I always think Vinesqueen has one of those cool gardens with a fragrant, beautiful garden with green vines crawling along the house. I picture Darcy with a little white nurse's hat. And I imagine Jammin&loosen doing aerobics till her loose pants fall off so all her clothes must have loosened up since she's jammin and loosen. I still can't figure out why Kelly moos! DeLarla was a name a crush gave me years back. He was this darling bartender where I often caused a little weekend "DeLarla" bad girl trouble. One night he looked at me with his baby blues and said, "your Mamma named you wrong, you aren't a Lisa, you're a DeLarla." Everyone called me DeLarla since then, but only when I'm being bad (being fun, that is!)

I've had horrible pains in my lower right abdomen. It started as a light pinch a few weeks ago, but yesterday the pain was becoming unbearable. The kind of pain that takes your breath away. I made an OBGYN appointment for next week, but yesterday my friends freaked me out thinking it could be an ovarian cyst, an eptopic pregnancy or a gallbladder attack. The more I fretted, the worse the pain got. I ran to Urgent Care and had a pelvic exam. Diagnosis = GAS. What a dork. I had a glass of wine and farted so I'm fine now. Thought you'd all enjoy a good laugh.

Let's not talk about yesterday (as if this morning has a better chance?) Breakfast #1 1 chicken wing 10 Dangerously Cheesy Twisty Cheetos Breakfast #2 2 small servings No-Peek Chicken (chicken n' rice dish)

Sorry for laughing, Shelly, but I'm still trying to figure out how you came up with THAT one! This one's not so funny, but I became frighteningly addicted to street speed. When I was a teen I stole Dexatrim or bought it if I had the money. But I moved in with a new roommate and found little black pills in the carpet. I learned she was dealing Black Beauties. At first I was horrified, but after trying one and not eating for two days, she became my supplier. There were days I'd crawl on hands and knees raking the carpet for a pill. It eventually got to the point that I'd set 2 pills on my nightstand. I set my alarm 1/2 hour earlier than I needed to get up just to take the 2 pills and go back to sleep. 1/2 hour later I'd spring out of bed. I was riding my bike 1 hour to the gym for 2 advanced aerobic classes then ride home. I ended up in Urgent Care where the doc said, "thanks for stopping by on your way to the mortuary." That was rock bottom, so I quit speed and caffeine cold turkey. The saddest part of all this is that there are still young girls doing the same things, only now there are so many new ways to assist in killing yourself. Dexatrim turned to ephedrine. Black Beauties turned to crack. Sigh.

Penni, have you kept track of the votes? Is everyone willing and ready to set a date in stone? EVERYONE is invited... but, last year I learned my lesson so this year I'm not making any suggestions or recommendations on hotels! I didn't pick Howard Johnson's last year, but all the girls puked when they saw the rooms. Well, not all of them, and they really didn't puke, but a bunch of girls were running around at the last second looking for other hotels. I think any of the ones on the Strip will be fine though. Since Penni is in control of my life, I nominate her to make the decision on the date.

We'll all be here with big hugs when baby gets here. Make sure mom listens and rests!

"drinking two large glasses of whole milk and eating two small apples every morning. I'm lactose intolerant... (need I say more?)" OMG - you have GOT to tell more! This one rules!

Gobble gobble. Hey, I can joke since I have a waddle too! I would LOVE to have it lifted, sliced, removed, dissolved - just get rid of it.

The only time they embarrass me is when the mean and too-serious partner of my firm calls me in his office then asks me to come behind his desk to assist him on the computer. You just can't hide the noises with that kinda closeness. Maybe if I let a little gas go he won't ask me to help him again.

Teresa, sorry but my spare room as already been spoken for. Sorry!

TRUE CONFESSIONS - here goes! Breakfast burrito coffee w/ cream 1 glass wine 1 Bloody Mary 2 Vodka cranberrys 1/2 bag popcorn 1 frozen fish patty w/ too much tarter steamed veggies w/ butter 15 potato chips 1/2 can clam chowder 1/4 beefy sandwich almost 1 PB All day... uhhhh, like only 3 cups water.

Cracking up over Greg's McDonald's story! Penni, my friend got bad stomach problems but the docs couldn't figure out what was wrong till they found out she was eating vinegar every day. When she learned it had no calories, she practically drank the stuff on salads every day. She was literally pickling her stomach. I remember all these diets. What about the Beverly Hills Diet? I lost and gained 60 pounds by eating very strange combinations of exotic fruits. I can never forget that one cuz a woman named Pearl from my office was losing weight like crazy on it. But she had zero pride, so the whole company knew when she was in the bathroom cuz she'd let it rip and the noises would echo throughout the entire warehouse! I'd rather die then let someone hear me poop (yet funny how I can discuss it on the world-wide web.) Rebecca, please un-edit whatever you wrote! I want to know all the poopy details of the Milk Diet! Sorry, but I'm laughing, can't help it. We are a sick but lovable bunch, aren't we?

I got good news today. Mary hadn't seen the wound in a week, but today she said it was smaller and looked really good. The bandage is bright green, a funky neon color, but she said it's not infection. Kinda like some chemical reaction from the peroxide, like I know what I'm talking about? Paula, a woman told me to soak the bandage in collidal silver. She told me her father had cancer and a wound wouldn't heal till they used the collidal silver, and she swears it healed him. I laughed a lot today! Then again, I drank a lot today. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! Thanks for all the nice thoughts.

Silent but here. Please come post and let us know how they are.

I can't believe anyone would put you down or make you feel bad for making a mistake. I'm like Vera where sometimes I simply forget that I'm not supposed to eat something, so I spit it out. Just yesterday I needed blood work, so I wasn't supposed to eat anything. I skipped my coffee and my morning Water, then as I was putting my Vitamins in my pocket to take later, I took a nice gulp of liquid vitamins without even realizing I'd done so. Luckily the lab said it wouldn't change my results. The point is that I drank it without even thinking. Opps, call me human. Did you chew the bites really well? My doc said only Clear Liquids, but the day after surgery the hospital gave me apple juice that was thick like applesauce. After a few swallows I called my doctor and told him they gave me thick sauce. He said that wasn't a problem and allowed me that apple puree the day after banding. So just start all over again. If you think you hurt yourself, call your doc. Promise to be good to yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. For Heaven's sake, we are all the same morbidly obese people. Just because some lost weight, that doesn't change the fact that we have all been morbidly out of control in the food department, so nobody has the right to judge you.

Another dog lover! YEAH! Dog hair on my plate Unconditional lover snoot Slobber bobber

I eat like Calista Flockhart every single day... but then the sun goes away and I eat like a pack of wolves. Maybe I got bit by a warewolf? Saturday Breakfast Burrito: 1 egg, 1 hash brown, 1 slice cheddar, 1 tspn olive oil wrapped in a wheat tortilla and shared with 1 feline and 2 canines.

Does everyone agree that we still have time before setting the date in stone? I look forward to seeing every one of you! Francesca, bring your darling sister!

Can't a girl get through a day without crying? You guys rock my world, I swear you do! Zoe, I'm trying to cry and laugh at the same time. Energy crisis answered, someone hand her the prize! Paula, I've had so many suggestions about Vitamins and herbs that I can't think straight, so I decided to stick with a beefy multi-purpose vite that's got lots of Vitamin C and 2 tablespoons of Collidal Silver (sp?) which is supposed to help you heal. I'm worried about the wound, I think infection is setting in. Mary will confirm it today, and we'll most likely call Dr. Billy, who will probably prescribe me another round of delicious antibiotics. Mmm, maybe he'll tell me to start taking Iron too (anybody that has to take iron for anemia knows that you'll never poop again - ever.) Another deep sigh, another deep breathe. Thanks for keeping the fight alive - maybe it's in me somewhere and will explode like a raging bull once this boo-boo goes away. I'd be scared if I were them. Ya know what I love? I love lurkers! Those of you who pop in after all this time rejuvinate me. I honestly mean that. Thank you.

Denise, I take thyroid meds but nobody ever told me I can't eat for two hours. Am I doing something wrong? Also, my doctor told me to eat 1200 calories a day, but he admitted that most people will eat more than that, which is why he told us not to count the calories in veggies. Nobody really binges on veggies, and they are so low in calories that you don't have to worry about counting them. Unless it's corn or potatoes, don't even worry (unless they are loaded with butter or dressing.) Lettuce barely has anything in it. NANA, I hear ya, sister! Michelle haunts me with her discipline! Your comment about being able to eat more after the sun goes down is what destroys me every day. I can't eat much during the day, but the Band is wide open after sunset. You are not alone, I'm fighting nights badly.

Greg, of all people to get scammed, sheesh. My credit card company calls all the time to verify excessive activity, but it's a recorded message telling me to contact the security department. Therefore, I'm the one calling my bank. But they never ask me to give them information. Careful people, the boogey man wants our dough!

Okay, what's the most insane diet you've ever tried? As Harley Nana would say, "fess up." Mine has got to be the Schick Center for Weight Loss back in the 80's. All the other kids spent their money on Spring Break vacations, while I paid $1,000 (huge money for a teen back then) for TORTURE CAMP. The Schick Centers used electric therapy to make you stop smoking and eating. I went twice a week for "Electric Aversion Therapy." Each session I had to bring my favorite binge food. I'd sit in a sterile white room flooded with heat lamps. They'd attach a battery-operated electric zapper thingy to my inner wrist, while a Nazi drill sergeant stood over me instructing me what to do. I'd have to shove the offensive junk food in my mouth and chew, then spit in the trash. With every bite he'd give me a good zap, then make me shove another mouthful in. They made me dump the candy on the table, then they emptied a huge bag of sugar on top and made me cram tablespoons in my mouth. Each time the zapping got harder till I'd jump out of the chair a little. Then I spit and started again. This time close your eyes and shove more sugar in your mouth, only when my eyes were closed they dumped salt on top of the sugar so now I'm crying with my mouth stuffed with M n' M's, table sugar and horrifying dry salt - cheeks stuffed full and mouth so dry that the salt and sugar fell through my pursed lips like sand through an hour glass. Then as if I weren't humiliated enough with tears dripping into the sugar and salt making paste on me, they squeezed fish emulsion scent under my nose while making me grab rolls of fat and visualize how disgusting the junk food was with my left hand and mashing melted M n' Ms with my right hand. Just before I sank to the floor in heaving sobs, Hitler tells me to wipe the melted chocolate all over my shirt, then yells at me when I refuse. Try to picture a fat teenager, bawling with melted candy smashed in her hand sitting next to a trash can filled with spit-up food in a room smelling like the foulest dead fish, chocolate smeared all around mouth with salt/sugar past dribbling off her chin and an electric shocker taped to my baby-fine soft inner wrist flesh. Here's my challenge: Top that.

I load my tuna on carrots and celery alternated with a few wheat or rye crisp crackers. This way I don't feel like I'm eating just veggies, plus I'm always trying to sneak in fiber. Carrots keep my system "happy" if you get my drift.