DeLarla's Weekly Fun Thread
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DeLarla 14 posts
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Okay, what's the most insane diet you've ever tried? As Harley Nana would say, "fess up."
Mine has got to be the Schick Center for Weight Loss back in the 80's. All the other kids spent their money on Spring Break vacations, while I paid $1,000 (huge money for a teen back then) for TORTURE CAMP.
The Schick Centers used electric therapy to make you stop smoking and eating. I went twice a week for "Electric Aversion Therapy." Each session I had to bring my favorite binge food. I'd sit in a sterile white room flooded with heat lamps. They'd attach a battery-operated electric zapper thingy to my inner wrist, while a Nazi drill sergeant stood over me instructing me what to do. I'd have to shove the offensive junk food in my mouth and chew, then spit in the trash. With every bite he'd give me a good zap, then make me shove another mouthful in. They made me dump the candy on the table, then they emptied a huge bag of sugar on top and made me cram tablespoons in my mouth. Each time the zapping got harder till I'd jump out of the chair a little. Then I spit and started again. This time close your eyes and shove more sugar in your mouth, only when my eyes were closed they dumped salt on top of the sugar so now I'm crying with my mouth stuffed with M n' M's, table sugar and horrifying dry salt - cheeks stuffed full and mouth so dry that the salt and sugar fell through my pursed lips like sand through an hour glass. Then as if I weren't humiliated enough with tears dripping into the sugar and salt making paste on me, they squeezed fish emulsion scent under my nose while making me grab rolls of fat and visualize how disgusting the junk food was with my left hand and mashing melted M n' Ms with my right hand. Just before I sank to the floor in heaving sobs, Hitler tells me to wipe the melted chocolate all over my shirt, then yells at me when I refuse. Try to picture a fat teenager, bawling with melted candy smashed in her hand sitting next to a trash can filled with spit-up food in a room smelling like the foulest dead fish, chocolate smeared all around mouth with salt/sugar past dribbling off her chin and an electric shocker taped to my baby-fine soft inner wrist flesh.
Here's my challenge: Top that.