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First off, I am excited and nervous that its happening, I mean where did the time go? I am trying to pack everything I would need and leave the things I won't. My biggest worry is getting my water in and soreness. I have to be at the hospital by 730 am and my surgery is suppose to start at 930 am. I already had my gallbladder taken out but this feels like its on a whole other level. I just can't wait to see how this is going to change my life for the better!

I added you on instagram, my date is this Thursday at 8am! I'm trying to take it easy and relax and not give it too much thought otherwise I start giving myself anxiety attacks.

Today I had an "ah-ha" moment. It took 4 years, but I think I get it! It was triggered by this before photo popping up in my facebook memories from 5 years ago, (coupled with my most recent post-op photo taken last week, down 120 pounds since surgery in 2013). (attached below) ....And then reading the following quote on a friend's post: "Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you so you can be who you were in the first place." I've struggled for years since losing the weight after surgery with questions of "is this the 'real' me, or am I just pretending and the 'real' 'fat' me will resurface sooner or later?" "Can people really change long-term?" It felt like the obese, sad, self-hating "me" was a monster waiting just below the surface to re-emerge. Give enough time and the right circumstances, the "real me" monster will rear it's head and I'll find myself back at nearly 300 pounds. Guys! I get it now! It's not about change. It's not about the "sticking power" of change. It's not about willpower or determination. It's not even about counting carbs, protein, calories, and ounces of water. Sure those are tools that help. But it's not about that. It's about doing the hard emotional work to figure out why I was hiding myself behind 150 excess pounds. It was about allowing myself to have a voice and using it. It was about demanding self-respect and respect from others. It was about leaving behind, painfully as it was in some cases, the toxic people in my life who emotionally damaged me. It was about processing the feelings that I didn't allow myself to feel for 18 years. Once I realized this, once I did this work, I could little by little shed the layers that hid who I was. I don't hate myself anymore. I'm not even angry at myself for letting myself get to be 300 pounds like I was when my journey started. I realize now that I was coping. I was doing the best I knew how to do at the time. I look at that person in the "before" picture below and I feel compassion because I know she did her best. I'm able now to let go the "fear" - and trust me, it's a literal fear - of that "real me" monster re-emerging from just below the surface. I can let it go because I realize, this is the real me. It was actually opposite. It was all the hiding I was doing under the emotional eating and the 150 excess pounds that was hiding the "real me." So I have to on some level disagree with those who say this is a process of change. Sure, you have to change your behavioral choices with food and exercise or none of this will work. But for me it was not "becoming a new person" or "changing" who I am as a person. For me it was about simply allowing myself to feel and allowing myself to return home to who I was before I was hurt and who the universe intends me to be. Feel free to check out my blog linked in my signature for more of my journey!

Since I started this journey I always wanted RNY. For some reason I started second guessing myself & wanting the sleeve. As soon as I got my upper endoscopy & found out I had mild reflux I stuck with RNY because I don't want to mess with GERD & have to revise later.

I'm May 25th as well. Can hardly believe it's finally here. Would love to click my heels and wake up 3 weeks post-op but..... I know I'll get through it.

If you feel up to traveling, you can get done for 10000 or less here in the US. Las Vegas is about 10k, Florida is about 8k, and Texas is somewhere in that price range too. NC has an office that has a 9995 special. They cater to traveling patients. My surgeon is 18k too, but I get denied there is no way I would pay. Dr umbach in Vegas is a center of excellence, my local Dr is not. Sent from my XT1254 using BariatricPal mobile app

Well I am far from disillusioned, I read a 5 year study about regain and WLS patients. I have every intention of utilizing my sleeve to help me continue to lose & maintain. There are many people who are successful and they are further out than you. Everybody's journey is different. I would enoucrage any interested in WLS to look at success stories as well as those who didn't make it to where they wanted to.

I've got 165-ish to take off (roughly 50% of my highest weight) and I'm stalled at 20 pounds down on the pre-op diet. I'm struggling with hunger and impatience and defeatist thinking, but I'm trying to focus on TODAY. What can I "do right" today? This morning I got up and went for a 5k walk out in the sunshine, and thought about my goals of hiking and running and doing all my physical things. Then I drank some protein water and reminded myself again. I guess all I can say is try not to look st the huge overwhelming goal. Yes you're working toward that, but look at what's right in front of you. Do that right. And repeat.

Mine is 25 May...[emoji120][emoji120][emoji120]s

Hi there Normally if you see a title of a post look along to the right and will will tell you how many replies a post has had and how many views its had. Your not stupid no i had the same problems when i first joined a forum years ago i couldn't figure out if a post had a reply or not.