Hello world. I'm back again with another update. I hope this post's title didn't confuse you. I promise it will make perfect sense by the end of this enthralling read. So you're just gonna have to wait a bit. And of course, read today's entire rant.
First... Next week will be one year since I wrote my first blog entry. Today's column will be my 54th attempt at keeping you updated on my weight loss journey. That's about once a week. I hope it's enough for you. I know it is for me! In the past year, we have had over 18,000 people view the different pages of my moronic musings. It still amazes me that so many people, from all parts of the globe, want to spend a small part of their day keeping up on my fat fight. Obviously, the majority of my readers come from the U.S. But the top five other foreign readers are from, in order, Latvia, France, Russia and Canada. Yup! My second most loyal followers are from Latvia. The Latvians just can't seem to get enough. Maybe I have the "kevorka" like Kramer on Seinfeld. However, I will not be bathing in garlic to break the spell.
Now the big news of week. I had my monthly check up with Dr. X and staff at the Center for Fat-ass-i-ness last week. The news was once again, very good! I lost another 5.5 pounds since late December. That means I have officially eclipsed the 70 pound loss mark! Yippee! Think about that. Seventy pounds. That's a whole lotta ass and blubber.
I'll bet you didn't know that the following menagerie of items weighs about 70 pounds:
-187 bananas. A full years supply for a large silverback gorilla.
- An average sheet of drywall. That's about 8 foot tall and 5 feet wide. Yup, the size of my old ass.
- $34,019 U.S. dollar bills. Stuff 100 bills in each of your pockets. Now times that by 17 in each. Whew.
- 100 cans of beer. That's 8-1/2 cases of tin and liquid. Think about drinking a twelever in a night out.
- A bag of concrete.
-12-1/2 red bricks. Use the concrete and you could build a small wall.
- 300 apples, 7 large bags of flour and 300 sticks of butter EACH weigh 70 pounds. Sounds like pie ingredients for a small village.
- 5 high performance bicycles. I got nothing here. I haven't ridden a pedal bike since 1975.
- 37,500 plain M&Ms. This is disturbing. These chocolaty delights were a go-to for the former me. I betcha I fired down a couple thousand at least once during a food bender.
- 5 extra large hams. Who here hasn't eaten a whole ham? C'mon don't lie.
- Some reports have the semi-famous Nicole Ritchie checking in at 70 pounds these days.
Of course, I'd be remiss if we didn't check back with the family. If you recall, at 50 pounds our average boy was 7 years old and had a medium sized terrier. At 70 pounds, our boy is now 11 and the family canine is now an average Alaskan Husky. My ass is shrinking but the family continues to grow.
It's been almost 11 months since I started this quest. It has taken a lot of focus and so far the rewards are uplifting. Seventy pounds is a LOT of weight. Hard to believe I have pooped out the equivalent of a 6th grader or a sled dog. Not to mention a minor celebrity.
Catch up soon!
Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
I will answer all you're questions and, who knows, you're pithy comments might make the blog!
Reprinted from my blog: