Leaderboard

In the WLS journey we will meet all sorts of people: negitive nellies, debbie downers, encouragers, motivators, ect. We will find people at all stages who tell us we are making a mistake, or we will not succeed or we will gain it all back. Then we will find people who will encourage and motivate us to continue on the journey and keep working hard. However, I think the worst enemy we run accross is ourselves. I have long know that I was my worst enemy. I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. For many years though I took a break from honestly looking at my weight. Once I did confront it and realize where I was and I had to do something about it, I have been really hard on myself. Maybe I don't forgive myself for allowing me to get to the 240's. Now I am always second guessing myself- as I losing enough, what am I doing wrong, did I eat to much, did I eat enough. Honestly, the first months weren't to bad, the weight easily melted off and it was a true honeymoon period. Now, I am in the trenches fighting for ever ounce. I am always asking myself, am I drinking enough, am I eating to much - to little, am I moving enough. Can I, Will I? The bottom line is I, me, myself is the ONLY one who can make this journey a success or failure. My doctor and NUT want me to succeed, hey it only makes them look good. The negitive people want me to fail. However, I am the only one with the power to do it or not. I must make the decisions to eat as I am told, to eat better higher quality foods, to move more and sit less. There are people on this site that have done nothing short of AMAZING!! Amazing isn't a strong enough word here. I mean Missy- come on- 200 lbs in a little over a year- WOW that is fantastic. Carolina girl- 100lbs in 9 months- fabulous. Then there are the people on here that complain about the band not working or questioning is it okay to eat a whole pizza or did they just hurt their band by doing it. Then there are people, that I count myself in, that are trucking along- that aren't having grand losses, but aren't gaining either. I have to say I am the one to blame for not doing as well as some. While I do move more than I did, I don't move as much as I could. When I got home yesterday, I should have taken my fat hind parts and hit the elliptical- instead I took it to the chair and relaxed due to a exhausting day at work. Those are the days when I need someone to slap my hind parts and tell me to get the h$%% up and MOVE. I also am not as strick in my food as others. I was afraid that if I cut certain things out of my diet (carbs) that I would certainly relapse to being over weight. I wanted to hit a balance of eating anything I want just not as much. Well, that has worked pretty good (lost 50+ lbs), but I am starting to think after a 3 month SLLLLLOOOOOWWWW down in loss that I may have to reevaluate the situation. What can I cut or what can I cut more than I have. Like I said I am the only one with the power and I must enforce it. I know that I will be to the point I am no longer obese and I believe I will get out of or at least to the low over weight BMI range, but I will do it in time. I will not do it in year, but by the 3 year post op mark I want to be in the wonderful 140's or at the least 150-155. I have the power to do this- I just have to use the force!! May the force be with you to!!

I was sleeved on Friday, March 15th. I consider it the day I changed my life and I'm grateful for the opportunity. That day was hard, I remember waking up sore and feeling different. The next week was hard as well but each day was better than the past. Now I'm one week post op and I no longer feel like I took a beating to the abdomen. My incisions are sore and my appetite is taking some time to get used to but I'm prepared to take a lifetime to learn my new changes. I've been sticking to doctors’ orders but when I find myself being tempted too much to veer off, I'm beginning to close my eyes and find the place I want to reach... The place that I won't get to if I let those temptations take over. My family is supportive but not aware of the struggles I face when they cook fried food, stews, and pizzas in addition to bringing home fast food EVERYDAY! I'm thankful for the inner strength I've found to not let my old eating habits to take over. On Friday, (exactly one week after surgery) my favorite cousins begged me to go out to dinner to celebrate a birthday the new tradition we started a year ago. I didn't want to disappoint them so I went. I figured I'd just order some soup or mashed potatoes and enjoy their company. However, I didn't realize how much they would ridicule me for something they couldn't handle and remind me of how much they love food! Fortunately for them, they aren't overweight like me nor suffering with the health issues I face... and fortunate for me, I don't love food more than myself nor did their discussions alter my drive, focus or compassion towards the decision I gratefully made. Although I realized that I was nowhere near ready to go to dinner. I did order smartly... I ordered grilled fish with mashed potatoes after one of my cousins (the RN) promised me that fish would be fine at this stage for only one night... I did taste the fish but veered back on track by only eating four spoons of mashed potatoes before getting full. I listened to my body and stopped. They continued to eat and I felt empowered to not let my mind overpower my body. Since we always talk the entire time we are together, the conversation helped me get through the rest of dinner with ease. Although I successfully made it through dinner, I WILL NOT GO BACK OUT TO EAT AGAIN BEFORE I'M READY! Today is my follow-up appointment with my doctor. I agreed to not go out to buy a scale to prevent me from being addicted to my weight progress and comparing it to others. My NUT advised me that by only weighing in during visits, it would help me to be more surprised, successful and focused on the process instead of progress. I do know that I will still be obsessed but I won’t drive myself and my scale(if I bought one) crazy by weighing myself every day/ 10 times a day!!! Also my first weigh-in is in 8 hours too! Wish me luck!!

I can understand your points about being hard on yourself I do the same thing. It sounds like to me you have the right mindset Weight loss, YOUR way and nothing wrong about a healthy slower loss. But what I get from your post overall is you have a great attitude towards this and an internal monitor that is not going to let you fail at this! Keep up the good work!

Let me just say that I don't like Head Hunger. There is such a difference in real hunger vs. head hunger. Sadly, it has taken me more than a year after being banded and a lifetime to learn the difference. Since I was very young, I've fought the fat fight. I became a dieting expert....I was the professional at it. I'd loose 10 lb. then gain 20 lb., loose 20 lb. then gain 30 lb., loose 30 lb. then gain 50 lb. Well, you get the idea. I did this until I became a whopping 80-85 lb. overweight expert. It has taken me my lifetime to realize that my stomach isn't hungry....it's my head....it's my psyche. Now that I've learned that, I'm learning how to be an overcomer and a success. During the discovery of this revelation, I've lost 45 lb. I still have 40+ to loose. But, that's not even the best of it....it's getting my psyche under control. I'm on my way at 45 lbs. lighter. Not bragging, just grateful.

What a wonderful day. Today is the love of my life birthday. He went to work at 1am and was home at 7. It snowed all day and as of tonight the snow is almost gone. We love living in the mountians as a family. It is amazing that my daughter goes over a hill and goes WEEEEEEEE. I love it. With all my life I have fought for everything I have and now finally the only thing I am fighting is my weight. I have the love of my life and my miracle daughter. And I am working on getting the weight under control. So this year will be an amazing year I know it. I would love to know what protiens you used after surgery and what vitamins would be greatly appreciated.

You look ABSOLUTELY STUNNING! You're gorgeous Lady! Congradulations on what you've accomplished so far & Good Luck on the rest of your journey. I ate half a bag of those chicken & waffle chips. I felt so bad until I realized that I hadn't eaten anything like that in months & this wasn't something I would do on a regular. So I ate the other half a couple of days later but made sure I drank an extra 20 oz of water to compensate.

Way funny, thanks

I was always the "big kid" - 100 pounds in kindergarten; 140's by 3rd grade. Food was my comfort. Grandma equated love with feeding you and she loves me a lot! Lots of carbs. Moved with mom & step-dad in 3rd grade away from grandma and her goodies. Through necessity I walked over a mile each day to the bus stop and back from 3rd grade through senior year. Stayed 140 from all the exercise and swim team. Teased a lot in elementary school - "MacTruck" haunts me to this day. I remember retreating inward and closed myself off. I always had boyfriends but I let them control me. Didn't think I was worthy of being treated well. Abandonment issues with biological father I found out years later in therapy. Never made solid friendships. I was popular and involved at school but I never went to parties. Never hung out with crowds. Never ever ate lunch at school, but would stuff my face every afternoon while watching Oprah. She was my hero. She was fat and successful. The one girl I thought of as my best friend betrayed me by sleeping with my boyfriends. Learned to not be vulnerable. Moved in with grandparents in college. Grandma's home cooking again. She plans lunch while you're still eating dinner! Gained 40 pounds. Didn't make 1 friend in college, but graduated with honors. Graduated and started teaching. Late night planning = cereal. 20 more pounds. Age 24, 200 pounds at wedding. Miserable. What I remember most is hiding behind a huge flower bouquet. Never thought I was pretty. Married a man who doesn't treat me well. He went out every weekend like a single guy while I worked 2 jobs to support us. Constantly being told no one else will want you because of how you look screws with your head big time! At 29, joined WW with a fellow teacher. I loved the meetings. I felt like these were "my people" - I excelled. I lost 80 pounds and was HOT. Problem was I didn't think I was. I saw the fat girl still in the mirror. After all, my husband was still gone every weekend and still telling me he drank all weekend because of things I did. I was so messed up in the head that I believed him! When he told me he would change if I had a child, I stupidly believed him. Duh, he was afraid I would leave him and he knows my abandonment issues so he knew I would never divorce him and leave my kid without a dad! Hindsight .... I remember being so sad when pregnant. I started eating carbs - hello, old friend. I forgot how much I need you all day long to deal with the dull ache in my heart. I was on the table pushing my son out of me and pleading with my husband to do right by us the entire labor. Pathetic. You can't change anyone. You can only change yourself. Spent the last 7 years working through that. Stayed with him through jail and rehab for drinking because I wanted him to wake up and realize I'm worth it. Hell, if I stayed with him, he should kiss the ground I walk on. All it did was make him think of me as more pathetic and a door mat. Even after I let him back home with no license and no job, he cheats on me with his old girlfriend he found on Facebook who is also married and lives far away. Instead of kicking his ass out, I cry alone and eat my feelings. In the two years since finding out, I've eaten myself up to 255 pounds. I'm ashamed of myself. I hate having to take my son to sports because I'm that fat mom in the baggy sweatshirt surrounded my the skinny moms in skinny jeans. I am dead inside. Every day is a struggle. I feel physically uncomfortable in this fat body. I don't make eye contact with people. I look down all the time and can't find one picture of myself with my son since he was one because I'm so horrified by the way I look. I know being thin will not make my husband love me. I know being thin won't erase the past. I do know I need this surgery to gain a piece of myself back a little bit every day. Right now I'm a hollow shell. Empty. Tired. Defeated. I know I don't have the fortitude to divorce in my present mental state. As I lose pounds, I'm hoping to get my desire for life back and with that the strength I need to make life changes. I am having this surgery to get back to me... Because I'm worthy and worth it.

Great job! You look Amazing!