Leaderboard

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain. I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step. As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!! So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

Today is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!!! Hello all....as stated in my previous entries - I am still not smoking and very proud of myself! For the past two days I have had a lot of energy. Yesterday I went to my first post op appointment and previous to that I went to get my hair done. I was so busy moving around all day that I did not drink as much as I should have. The doctor checked my tongue and was able to tell....he said that the whiter it is ...the more fluid you need!!!! Other than that, the incisions are healing fine and I feel better and better every day. My blood pressure was 135/95 while at my doctor visit. I have not taken any of the medication for BP since the surgery so I crushed and took one when I got home. The last two days it has been in the normal range without additional medication. THIS IS WHY I AM SLEEVED. I already feel healthier and more energetic. Can you image when I become a pro at eating and drinking, fully healed, exercising, etc. WOW!!! Today I went to early vote with my son! This is his first year being of voting age with a major election. It took all of 10 minutes and I was so proud of him for getting out there and exercising his right to vote. So after voting, I took my car into the shop to get some warranty work done before it expires...lol and routine maintenance. The good thing is that my dealership provides loaners so I didin't have to wait on it so I came back home and cleaned a bit......did a bit of laundry, made the bed, light work. ENERGY!!!! Now what is really exciting to me is that on Saturday, I can start eating the cream and blended soups - I am looking forward to more flavor! I am not "afraid" to drink anymore and sometimes drink a little too fast and have to wiggle around for the slight discomfort to go away. I bought a nutriblender (made by the magic bullet folks) a few weeks ago so I am looking forward to trying it out starting this weekend. My liquid diet and surgery happened so quickly that I have not been able to use it as initially planned. I will definitely post again once I use it and let you all know if it is something worth your while and if anyone reading this has one....let me know what you think about it. It's time for bed but thanks for reading and allowing me to be a part of such a great community!

How exciting! I want to be like you when I grow up (LOL). I was just telling my family that we need a maid or a housekeeper or something because I just don't have the energy to keep up with a full house anymore. I am nine days post op and haven't been able to return to my regular routine yet. I experienced a great deal of discomfort after the surgery, resulting in me using the full two weeks recommneded by my doctor. My first post op visit is on Nov 8 and will definitely increase my fluid intake because my tongue has been a little too white. I thought that it was because of my low fliud intake, so thanks for posting that information. early voting - checked Sons' first x - checked high energy - checked clean house- checked 2 wk post op- checked Seems like it is now time to breathe... Congrats and I wish you continued success on your journey.

sending prayers your way! you will be fine. everything happens for areason. and it is OUR time!!!!

So I have never blogged before so I thought this would be a good way to express myself and in the coming months look to see how far I have come not just in loosing weight but also in my growth of knowlegde and acceptance of all stages I will be going through. So surgery was Oct 29th had a rough first night I did get a little too much morphine and was a little snowed, had horrible nausea and I was so scared to vomit however a lot of big burps came up. I did go back to my hotel room the next day and flew out on day 2 post op. Now Im on day 3 having a hard time getting liquids in and of the rolls of gas pain......I wish they would go away. So on word and upward I am going to walk walk walk and sip sip sip.......

Shopping for new clothes is great! I am in a misses jeans but women's. My bra size did go down. I bought a fall/rain jacket size xl misses. I have a 3x winter jacket to give away. It makes me proud to go shopping.My nephew's wedding is on the 11th and I bought from the misses department. You will love the new you to clothe. Good luck.

My condolences of the passing of your grandmother, she sounds like she was a nice person. If you sad, tired, sick , sore, mad, upset it seems like a good idea to eat to make yourself feel better. We have all been there, done that and know it doesn’t help in the long run or even the short term. I will give you the kick in the pants you need/want put down the fried chicken have some yogurt, soup or cereal till you can get some good lean protein. Hurting yourself won’t help you and i am sure your grandmother wouldn’t want you to use her passing as an excuses to fall off the wagon. But since you did don’t beat yourself up...we are in this for a long run....one small slip up doesn’t matter as long as we learn from it and try not to repeat it I have lost all of my grandparents and parents it doesn’t get any easier but the pain does fade and you can celebrate their lives (with good for you food—possible a small drink) Hang in there it will get better

Sorry to hear about your grandmother.

I just want to say Im truly sorry.....for the loss of your dear Grandmother, and with time it lessons the pain, leaving you with only wonderful memories of your dearly departed. My apologies for anything I may have said in haste. Sincerely, Sandy