Today I weighed 173 pounds.
At the moment I think my proteins are too low but its just because Ive been too busy to think of food.
Ive also added carbs back into my food but that means 3 french fries or a fishcake that has some potato in it.Or one home made South African rusk with my morning coffee.
When you eat on the run or when you are staying at someone elses house you sometimes just have to go with the flow or stay without food.
On sunday we are going to Cape Town for Christmas and new year and I will start doing one protein shake per day just to not bottom out with the proteins.
At 9,5 months out I think that if I was eating too much or stuff that was very wrong I might have started gaining.It seems to me trying to find that balance is really important and whereas a lot of people stay super low carb or very in control about what they eat,I want to believe that a balance might just do it for me for now.and this do seem to be a day by day process,for the rest of my life.
today I am 232 pounds.
I have realized that I am gerting closer to half way than I ever thought possible.All in all I am much more realistic in my expectations.
With the band I got to just under 200...198 to be exact.And I didnt have a vision of losing it all.I just couldnt see it happening,and because of that,it didnt.
This time I will do what ever I have to, to lose it all.I will not obsess as much as I used to.I will not count every calorie to the point of going insane,I will not cut fat and carbs and every little pleasure out of my life ro the point where there is no point to it all.
I will adjust and readjust what and how much I eat all the time along this journey.When my weightloss slows down I will exercise more and eat cleaner.I will always do the protein as the primary food on my plate.When I dish up a teaspoon of chinese fried rice my housekeeper made,it is just to satisfy the mind...I dont even touch it but should I have wanted it,I might have.or not.Good choices I have to make at the moment I am confronted with the choice,not as a all inclusive rule,but a momentary choice.
Thin people have to make those choices all the time.Before they eat,they have to make a choice about what they will eat,how much they will eat.That is how I want to live my life after the weight loss,as a thin thinking person.
Of course I will have "momentary lapses of reason" and that is ok.To get back on track with the next meal is just par for the course.
I love my sleeve.Having said all this...I am losing quite fast at the moment.Easy to be positive when things are going great..lol
As I cannot comment while on the Ipad (dont know why) I thought to write about it.
I honestly hope it is not my galbladder.Before my sugery I decided that as I am so scared of surgery,I will have my galbladder out at the same time as sleeve.When I went fo galbladder sonar I told the radiologist to find a stone...just even a 2mm stone pleaseeeeee!He said he would.He spend such a long time doing an xray and doing a sonar and searching for something wrong with my galladder.then they did a functional galbladder test where you have to go and eat high fat food,wait half hour and then do test for when the galbladder start working....well mine took almost 2 hours before it started and yet he didnt think it was delayed.Just slow but normal.No stones.the surgeon came to look an said hey dont like taking out such healthy organs.At That I backed off...he said 60 persent stays healthy only 40 persent gets removed...I asked him what if I am one of the 40% and he said but what if you are one of the 60%.
I am not planning on another sugery before I leave this country.I only have 3 months left of end of year issues at school,gymnastics competitions for my daughter and a trip to the USA to see where we are moving as i've never been there...and a Month holiday in South Africa to see my folks...moving from one country to another takes some planning and dont need the stress of surgery as well.(and as it is the company has complicated issues with the possibility of a move to the UK instead of the US but we think living in America will be nicer)
So no,it is not my galbladder.I have gastritis or something that will clear up tomorrow after I have played squash for the first time after sugery....lol.I am on super soft to mushy foods to help the stomach recover.
xxo
This morning I weighed 184.Looking back at this blog I can see the weight is still coming off.Good!
I am having a very challenging time keeping my cals low while upping my protein.My hair is falling out like crazy again and I cannot figure out why.
I have also increased my healthy fats.We need them and for years now I've been low fat even when I was eating rubbish it was just saturated fats.Now,Im trying to teach my kids a balance and kids dont learn by telling them stuff.They learn by example.adding a tablespoon of olive oil per day has increased my cals with 133 wich puts me closer to 1000 than to 800.Cant really lower the food intake the I go low on protein again.Wont give up my milk in my coffee for no one...lol.Will keep tweaking this.I am different than others that mostly eat e same stuff every day as that sets me up for a snack attack..lol.I like variety and will keep making different things that is yummy!
The exercise is going a little better.Still havent started with a trainer but I am running and playing squash and doing reformer once a week now as it hurts my knees a lot.Will phone the trainer for an appointment today.I dont know why I am so resistant about the toning and weights with the trainer.Im scared I cant do what he wants me to.
Anyhoo,this is an ongoing process and last week I fitted at least 20 dresses for a big function we had this weekend.I fit in a 14 but I hate my stomach.This has now inspired me to lose faster and to start exercising more.Will post pics of the weekend on the yacht.It was awesome and I didnt feel self concious for the same reasons than before but because I got so many compliments.
O,just one more strange thing.This week about 5 different people asked me what Im doing to lose weight.These are all people that knows that I've had the surgery.So,to everyone that dont want to tell people.They dont care anyway and seem to forget or not really understand what it means...lol.Even though I told all of them again,they still want to know what diet Im following and still all say now they feel ashamed of not losing weight....tooo weird as hallo,I cut off 80% of my stomach,you cant compare yourself with that...lol
Time to get moving again.
this is for my own info.When I want to do the stupid again...lol
Refined carbs and sugar makes you feel sick stupid!!!!!! Hehehe.
We are celebrating all kinds of things,birthday,the move,the qell....we are just having loads of visitors and last night the lady brought brownies.
So tonight I decided that a little bite of a brownie and a few crisps will not kill me....but I forgot how sick I feel when I eat stuff like this.I can not understand or explain the sick feeling bur I feel so aweful.Just sick.
so,now I have to get through this and hope I have learnt my lesson.
from tomorrow I am eating only food that come with a label to tell me the exact calories in it.That way I wll be sure that I dont overshoot on calories.100 ml milk only.No string cheese.
In all my life I have never felt as powerless as right now.I have always been abl to lose weight at a faster rate than now and no matter wha I do....it is just super slow.Up the cals down the cals,exercise, no exercise,more protein less protein....nothing helps.
I am feeling very frustrated about it and it is not even like a diet I can fall off of....lol
http://www.fitday.com/fitness/FoodLog.html
I decided to put my food log in my blog and on my signature to help keep me accountable.I could do less calories by reducing milk,cheese and carbs in general.Why can I eat so much?
On Monday I am getting my first overseas visitors post sleeve.We will be doing all kinds of stuff like a dhow dinner cruise,a dhow cruise to Musandam,a beautiful area in Omani waters where you snorkel and of course eat! A desert safari,and of course eating in the desert...o and lots more.This will be a real challenge for me as I dont know what to try and eat at events like these.Will have to think this through carefully.
Beginning of May is th next set of visitors...we are going to stay in a desert resort that makes the most devine food...o well,no better moment than these ones to teach me to accept my new life without th loads of food I always ate.
xxo
Ever since my surgery I've not once experienced that trigger of madness that carbs use to cause before.Until yesterday.
Everything was fine until about 17:00 when I decided to have a slice of christmas fruitcake.One slice became 2 and I thought I was fine.But I couldnt stop eating after that.I want to list what I ate,so that I can remember how easy it is to just slip right back into old habits if not cautious!
We came back to the B&B at about 18:00 and that is when the binge started.Over the next 6 hours I had 3 rusks (about 40 carbs and 200 calories each) one of those round lindt chocolates,5 blocks of fruit and nut chocolate and then I decided I needed protein (not!) and ate about 5 thai pork riblets.
Now Im not sure if it the gin and tonic I had before the fruit cake that made me not think things through or if it was just the sugar that triggered me.The thing that bugs me so much is that until yesterday,I couldnt touch chocolate as the taste was just to revoltingly sweet.It would make me feel so aweful.But for some reason in combination with everything else It tasted wonderful and I could munch away at it just fine.
Not having access to a scale today is driving me absolutely crazy now and I am wondering how AM I GOING TO PRACTICE WHAT I ALWAYS PREACH.I can eat a breakfast of 1 egg and a sclice of bacon but as for the rest of the day,the whole family's going to spend all of this day on the beach and I have no idea what food there will be.I find myself eating fried foods and not grilled (by choice,bad choice) and I have had quite a couple of french fries already this holiday.
Maybe I should first find out where I can weigh.Then I should see if I can find any shop thats open (small town,everything seems to be closed on boxing day) to buy some deli meat (ham or turkey if they have) and then I should just stick to 3 meals and a few beef jerky sticks as snacks.
No one seems to understand that being so close to goal,I dont want to gain any weight now.It is not a matter of just losing it again.I have to try to get to a point where I dont gain with every special event in life.
Anyhoo,no use obsessing about this as a lot is out of my control at the moment.This is why I prefer hotel stays to Bed and breakfast stays it is just easier food wize.
Ok,now to tackle the issue of 1.no umbrella for the beach 2. ME NOT WANTING TO EXPOSE MY FLAPPING ARMS,BOOBS AND LEGS in front of all these people today.
Happy holidays everyone!
today I weighed 198 pounds for the first time in many years.
It seems I really did need an attitude change...lol
The food is still mostly proteins.No obsessive behavior there...a few carbs makes no difference but boy do more exercise make a huge difference.
We now run up to 6 km 3 nights a week.It is still 95 degrees some nights and it takes a lot of mental strenght to go out there.But I want to lose weight.
Tuesdays and Saturdays we play roun robin squash for more than 2 hours.
Sundays and Tuesdays I have reformer pilates class.On Monday,Wednesday and Friday we run.
I also try to do some circuit training in the gym twice a week.Should step this up a Little to build more muscle but its a work in progress.
I am very,very,very,very achy all over.My right leg (in front from the thigh right down to my lower leg) aches all the time and sleeping without pain killers is DIFFICULT.But I want to be thin.
We went to a Ill Divo concert last night and this morning my friend told me that I looked very pretty last night.She says people looked at me.This really freaked me out as I am tall and my hearts desire has always been to just blend in with thw crowd.Now I feel even taller for some reason and I know one notices taller people just because we stand out.All this means I have to start dealing with my fear of man or my life might be a little difficult in future.
I will post pics of before and after tomorrow if I switch on my mac.Ipad does not upload onto this website and I cannot figure out how to upload with my Iphone.
So,I've now lost 99 pounds.To celebrate we are going for a run tonight.Also to see how far we can run without stopping so that we can start with a more structured running program
Yes,last ***ht I had the fright of my life and decided to really start exercising.
I exercised yesterday and today.Still play a mean game of squash even with no energy!
Also did some arm and leg circuits and I can feel it!
Of course I immediately wanted food afterwards but had a cup of tea and will have a nice protein dinner!
Today My weight is the same than last week but I am doing good.No gin and tonics..lol,clean eating!
Cauliflour does not agree with me,even when pulverized in the food prosessor,dont know why.
ThenI decided to put what I ate in December,lost nearly 17 pounds in 6 weeks,into fitday to see how many of what I was eating.Calories worked out to 1200 plus per day.Fats were 55 plus and carbs were about 70.
At first I thought I must have made a mistake.But I did it twice and the results came out the same.
This is shocking as all I ate for weeks were the following.I would take chicken breast,cup into atrips or veal cut into strips or pork cut into strips and dust it with flour.17oz of chicken takes about a cup of flour.Then I would put olive oil in the bottom of the wok and fry it.When the oil was gone,I would add more!I didnt measure it but I am sure that it was a lot that I used!
Now,maybe I didnt eat as much as I think I did.Maybe I ate less of it after a week or so as usually when I eat protein only I gradually start eating less.I had 5 cups of tea with milk and 2 dolci gusto cappuchinos per day.Very little water,maybe one small bottel during the day and half at night.
With only 2 pounds to goal I am going to try that again this week.
At 10 and a half months out I do feel that I can eat more and should start weighing my food again.I ate like this because I regularly get a stomach ache when I eat veggies.Any veggies.I also cannot eat fruit as this causes acid even though I am on a PPI.
Now to just reach goal already and then to decide if I should drop more weight.Acouple of my friend's husbands no less,have commented that I am now getting to skinny.Thr girls just say they dont recognize me!I just wish I could see what other people say they see.(they might always be lying..lol)
I now wear a size 12 pants and top even though I havent lost more weight but it is very clear that my shape is changing,and not all for the good.I have saddlebags on my upper legs that appeared over the past couple of weeks and my boobs are now a size 36 C.One thing I never realized was that as we get older our waistline increases even when there isnt fat anymore.I use to be very curvy when I was young but now I am straight as a plank and my waist seems to have widened...lol.But I need to just get this weight loss phase over and done with now.It still takes up too much of the space in my head and I just dont want this anymore.
I had a bit of a realitly check today when I witnessed a motorcyclist die in an accident.Life is short and all this seems so much less important tonight and in the bigger scheme of things.Accepting myself and others and living life the way the Lord has intended fo me to do is what my focus should be on all the time.I am second!But while Im counting and weighing and logging and cooking and posting I do get a bit consumed with myself which is not the way I should live my life!
One more week to goal (positive self talk..lol)
So we are having our first international visitors and have been going out to lunch and dinner every day since Monday.They leave on sunday again.I havent found it too difficult once I made the choice to just survive this week.I still have the pain in my abdomen and back all the time and I have some acid issues and this crazy throat that just feels so hairy/fluffy and is driving me crazy.I had zero energy all week and I look like a ghost with these dark circles around my eyes....that is until tonight.
We had a big BBQ cook out here at our house tonight.There were crisps,biltong (dried meat) and hummus and mutabal.I had a few crisps and few tiny pieces of biltong.Then I had taste of red wine and then I had 1.5oz o fillt steak n 1/5 of a baby potato,just a bite really.Just relaxed without overdoing it but enjoying every moment of it.
I am shocked to see how easy the crisps goes down...I wont be eating that again.Th guilt wanted to overwhelm me afterward but then I realized that I am normal and I ate very little when all is said an done.I am petrified of the scales however!
Maybe this will be the night that I sleep well....I really need a good nights rest.
xxo
Since I've stepped up the exercise again I am stalled and I want more food.I dont know if I am hungry but somehow I want to eat more often.
Tonight the grils made Indian food.Popadoms and kadhai chicken.i had to eat some.I did not eat the chapati or rice but I had 2 popadoms and about 3oz of the chicken.It is super spicy so I had some fatfree cream fresh with it.The only thing about Indian food is they use a lot of oil.But I dont think I ate too much as I am not too full,just full.
See,this freaks me out about where I am at with the eating at the moment.I still eat like a bird but now I also lose weight like a bird,ounces instead of pounds at a time...lol
Maybe I should quit worrying about losing more in the next few weeks and focus on eating to not gain as we are going abroad for christmas and maintaining during the holiday is super important to me.
Anyway,183.3 is ok but boy would I have loved it to be under 180 before we leave on the 18th.I just dont know what to do to get there in 2 weeks.
Ugg,how do I speed up the weight loss?If I had to go by calories in calories out I would lose 1 pound every 3 days but it just isnt the way it works.
Today we went back to playing squash.I actually whipped the ladies I played with and couldnt walk the rest of the day..lol
The stomach feels a little better.Still sensitive but not aching like yesterday...I know it is getting better.Am eating quite carefully at the moment.
Tip for newly sleeved.Listen to the wize people that says start exercising immediately.
Now that I have started I can see how much more wobbly I am than befoe.Previously when I had to exercise from day one I was muxh more toned by the time I had lost 40 pounds.My legs are especially soft and now hat I have started I dont know why I didnt do it before.
Will start doing weights this week to see if I can catch up a little.
For some reason I am sure the weight loss will start moving again as well.
xxo
Ps.for some of the comments The speed with which your food passes depends on what it is and how much fibre is in the food.That is why I am eating more fibre.Maybe salad doesnt have nutritional value but it for sure helps me not be as constipated and it gives me great pleasure.Mind you I now add other stuff like grilled veggies too as I like it and I have missed it so much.I cannot oly eat proteins.My serotonin levels goes vwry low for some stupid reason (always have) if I cut out all my carbs.so unrefined carbs like veggies seems to do the trick for me and I am a happy sleever.I will start tracking calories burned the moment I get my new BODYBUGG.MInd you will try the old one until it gets here.
If I burn 500 additional cals per day while eating 800 I will lose weight,I know this for sure.
xxo
Somehow I struggle to get motivated to do exercise.So I do what I can at the moment.We played an hour of squash an I still love this more than any other exercise.
so for the past week I have been exercising seriously.With that goes the weight that gets stuck even though you expect to lose load just by sweating..lol
I am learning to make peace with the slow weight loss.I srill second guess myself all the time about food but I guess I am doing fine when all is said and done.
Now I just have to keep it up,eating good proteins and fresh veggies.
xxo
Tonight we had friends over for a BBQ for eath hour.The disconnect I feel with food (even knowing what to give the kids for dinner every night is a nightmare to me,I just cannot think about food) was an issue but my friend and my housekeeper took over and all in all it was a great success.
I really dont have an interest in people or going out at the moment.Its as if I have lost interest in life as it was.I know this will get better when I start eating again.I suppose part of what I feel is just a lack of energy because of low calories.
Life just seems so boring at the moment.I cannot walk for longer than 25 minutes.Shopping seems a bit pointless.Cant swim yet,wounds are not healed yet.But day by day I am feeling stronger and I know soon it will all be better and back to some sort of nomal.
It really sounds as if I am whining but I am not really.I said I would be honest and I am.Eating was a big part of my life and I suppose I miss dealing with my emotions by eating.So,I will keep truckin and I will overcome.All will be good in the end.Down 22 pounds today.
xxo
Its so stupid how being at my parents house and seeing them so old and frail can trigger me into some serious emotional eating.
Of course we cant eat a lot but I actually grazed yesterday for the first time since surgery.
Had protein meals,that was fine but I ate the following that I shouldnt have:
Crisps-about 10,a slither of milktart,twice!10 mini crackers with a pate on it and not little bit of pate,a lot.
A piece of quiche that had a flakey crust,which I ate.Dont have an idea what my cals were.
This holiday sucks so far.There was a crisis with the caregiver of my 82 year old diabetic uncle ( he's got senile dementia as well)My folks are old themselves but had to take him in for now,you cant abandon an old person to a old age facility just before christmas,that would just not be right.Problem is he need constant care and sits and sleep all day and was up all night making a huge racket.I sleep on a sleeper couch in the lounge (folks are in retirement village and mom freaks out if I want to stay somewhere else) so I am TIRED and get very little sleep.I am cleaning like mad as all the domestic servants go on holiday in December which I think is rediculous as they are not believers and dont celebrate christmas,which is a religious holiday as far as Im concerned.
Thank goodness I am leaving on Sunday for Cape Town.But then it is the crazy inlaws.Luckely I insisted on staying in a hotel apartment so I will have my own space and can get away when I need to.
It is just so sad to see the family getting so old.Even sadder to see how little time working folks have for themselves and others.
But the point remains that I cannot allow myself to feel so guilty about my life and feel so bad for them that my only response is eating.Life will be full of challenging situations in the future.My coping skills will have to change if I want to keep my weight down.
Will post my weight when I can get to a scale a little later.
Today was the day that I realized that I feel as if I can outeT the sleeve.I suppose in reality that is not really possible but I have got a lot of stuff going on that makes me want to eat (now my child wants to stay here in Dubai and finish uni and I just dont think it is the right thing to do,but she is grown up,what can I do)
The plan is from tomorrow I have to log everything I eat.Fitday.com is a program that I like...I find myfitnesspal difficult.So,it is me and y compulsion to eat life better,to eat stress away that is getting tested so early in this weight loss process.
The fact that I am so aware of the want to eat is good.I look at the brownies and walk away.I look at the cookies and decide tomorrow.Maybe this is a good thing to have to flex the portion muscle before the portion size gets bigger a few years from now.
Today I travelled across the city to find shirataki yam noodles and frozen edamame pods.
I am delighted to say that not only did I find these at the only Japanese grocer in town but I also found sugarfree bullets (popcicles) at another shop.
The bullets like sf jello gives me a little bit of a feeling in my esophagus (almost heartburn not quite but I do have a feeling)
These I now use as I need to snack on something instead of smoking.It would be way to easy to just gain 10 pounds this week but I refuse.
I have workd out an eating schedule.My calories are about 1000 as I have added the edamame and the bullets but my goodness this is better than the last 2 days!
My kis are sick with a cold and my head has been aching so badly for the past 3 days (thoughht it was because I quit) and my throat is scratchy.I have been taking zinc and vit c to kick this feeling.
Tonight I will do my first after dinner loooong walk.It worked so well for me before to exercise in the evening in stead of sitting wishing I could eat or smoke or drink copious amounts of wine,which I dont,I just want to.
I just wish I had a squash partner for every day of the week.This would have been such a blessing at this point as hitting the ball releases tention and of course it is excellent interval training.
O well,will just have to put on music and walk,walk,walk!!!!!
for some reason I still cannot reply on the comments.
I usually feel "mentally uncomfortable" when I am full.Sounds crazy but full is in my head before it is in my stomach.But not when I am eating for comfort.I feel that maybe I eat faster then and the speed of my mouth outruns the speed of the head if that makes sense.
However I almost got a second helping tonight but then the pain struck and I felt aweful.
Wont be doing that any time soon again.
xxo
So I needed to do a little emotional eating tonight and decided a half cup of wholegrain/flaxseed spaggetti with green pesto and a little feta cheese whould be it and boy am I paying for it.I have pain in the lower left side of my stomach and I am foaming big time.
I just dont have a cue (hickup or sneeze) when I am full like some people do.I did hickup when it was o late though...lol
This is not nice.I should know better.I try to never eat to much and have never felt like this since surgery.
Now I am paranoid about stretching my stomach,stupid I know.Next time I will stick to my protein and veggies and have a sf ice lolly to self sooth when needed.
Life's become so complicated since I had this surgery...so many changes like moving to either the US or UK in 2 months (not knowing drives me nuts) and then my sweet old aunty died today and now I will have to decide if I am going back to South Africa for the funeral and abandon my 11 year old while she had to compete in 2 international gymnastics competitions with an injury.
The thing is I think wasnt neccessarily easier before...I just ate my way through all the problems and it did give me great comfort....now,nothing!
Anyhow,at some point I will have to find not addictive coping mechanisms.And I know I will.
This sleeve is so far the best thing thats happened to me...I would have gained another 30 pounds in the last 2,5 months if I didnt have it.
xxo
