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Lapband Journey

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Notice Me, Please!

I am 3 months post op and have lost 35 lbs, which I feel is good. All my clothes feel looser and I have had to stop wearing some. I am actually wearing an old pair of 16's. When I look in the mirror I see a difference in my face. I know I am smaller, but........   No one seems to notice the missing 35 lbs. I am one of these nutty folks who likes some pats on the back to motivate me to continue. I work for the school system, so when staff returned I was down 20 lbs, no one said anything, then I after 35 no one still says hey you are losing weight. There are only 2 co-workers who ever tell me they can see a difference, but they both know about the surgery so they are looking for it. My husband and my mom both say they see it, but they are biased.   I know I should just be happy knowing I have lost the weight, but geez what is it going to take me loosing 100 for people to notice. I want to look good, to be pretty. To me I am still the hungry hippo I've always been. I have been obese since I was 6, so I don't know what it's like to be the cute, pretty girl. I just want some props, someone to notice the hard work. I still have a long way to go to reach goal, and I hope by then I can stop viewing myself as the big girl.   I don't want tons of praise, but just a pat on the back or hey girl you are looking good. I guess I look for other peoples view of me to much, but that is just the way I am.   Does anyone else feel like this?

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Failure

I said at the start of this journey failure was not an option. I was not going through this to revert back into old habits.   While I haven't totally reverted back, over the last week I have noticed old thoughts and desires coming back into mind.   I am not sure if this is because of my exhaustion and busyness of late or what. I had my blood work done this week to see how I am on that front. Seems I am very low on Vit D and my B-12 is low even though I am taking a supplement as is my iron. So I am going back on multiple suppliments and increasing the B12 even though I was already taking the perscribed amount. I know that these things being low can increase my exhaustion level, so I am getting back to taking them right now!   My weight is still hanging at 188-189, but I still feel like a failure currently. Last weekend, Mother's Day- which is hard due to losing 3 babies- I went to my mom's for a family dinner. While I made sure there were Kime friendly foods there, there were also some of my fav desserts. I made my mom's fav cookie, which is also mine, Carmel Pecan Crunch. I ate 2 cookies- they were heaven. Then I took some Strawberry Cloud home. My mom's Strawberry cloud is a layer dessert consisting of angel food cake, crushed strawberries and a vanilla pudding/cool whip mixture. Mom does use the no sugar added pudding and cool whip due to my Dad's diabeties. But, still this was a dessert. Then yesterday a co-worker brought in her famous Pineapple Upside Down cake and I ate a slice. Normally, cake and me don't a long, but for some reason yesterday it gave me no issues. Then last night my hubs and I had some errons to run and some things to pick up so rather than cooking at home and having to clean up we went out to dinner. We needed something fast, which I should know better than that- fast and the band don't mix. We went to Chic-fil-a I order a kids chicken nuggett. (I use to eat two adult Chick nuggets). I ate the 1st nugget and bam- stuck. Took me 20 min in the bathroom to dislodge that sucker. I managed to eat a couple more nuggets and got stuck again so I gave up. I had not gotten stuck that day before that night, so I know it was from trying to eat to fast.   But, part of me felt like this was my band telling me I shouldn't be eating this. I know chicken nuggets aren't exactly health food, but I haven't had them in forever and really wanted them and I did opt for a smaller size. Maybe I am just trying to justify my choice.   The first of the week my weight bounced up to 190 and then back down to the 188-189 marks.   The failure feeling come in that I am 11 months post of next Wednesday. I have gone from 244 to 188, while I am happy 56 lbs is gone, I still feel like a failure and I should have lost much more by this point. All the negitive things people told me before banding are swirling around in my head- "you will only lose half of you excess weight, if you want to lose more do gastric", "you should just do gastric, you will lose more", "your to fat for the band", "why do this, you will just gain it back", "you've always been big why change now". Yes, people said that to me, which pissed me off at the time, but now I am feeling like they were right. I know it's great that 56 lbs is gone and I have kept it off. It took 4 months for me to lose 10 lbs- that is so ridiculas.   Many people on this site who had surgery at the same time as me have weight still melting off, so it's hard when the doctor tells me this is natural this far out for the loss to slow. I realize I should not compair myself to others, but it is hard not to. I am second guessing myself, wondering if I should just stop worrying about and live, if I lose more fine, if not fine. I didn't want to get to that point until I got to the 150's, which is almost 40 lbs away. I don't want to gain anything back, but I feel like if I don't lose more it still makes me a failure.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Learned something new....

I went in for a fill today, my weight had gone up by 5 lbs since last week so I wasn't thrilled about going in. I went in they weighed me- up 1 lbs since last month!!!!!! I was pissed. She checked my band and gave me another cc - I always get fills with floro. I told her about my weight jump from last week and explained it was my TOM time even though I don't actually bleed. She said that the weight fluctuation was not abnormal, that everyone will have fluctuations from week to week. She also ask how many calories my fitbit said I was burning a day- I told her between 2000-2200 depending on if I work out or not. She ask about my eating habits - I told her I was only eating 3 times a day and sometimes having an afternoon snack. She ask about my calorie intake- I told her I was getting between 1200-1300 a day.   Surprise- she said I'm not getting enough calories. Now this is what my doc said, I trust my doctor, she is a Duke Doc, I have full confidence in her- do please do not bash her or me; if you doc said something else fine ok, I am just putting out there what mine said.   She said that since I am now over 6 months post that eating 1200 calories a day isn't enough. She said that having a 3-500 calorie a day deficit was good, but not more because the body would not let go of the fat- sorta like starvation mode. She said if I upped my workout routine to up calories. To try and keep my deficit around 3-500 for optimum weight loss.   So I am going to try and see what happens. Maybe it has to do with where I am in weight- I don't know, but she is my doctor, she is trained, so I will listen to her.   If you don't agree fine, but again don't bash!!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Heart Broken

Some of you know that I have had 3 miscarriages. My hub and I have no problem getting pregnant, but I just can't get past the 1st trimester. Well in the last week I have had 2 friends give birth and 2 annouce they are pregnant.   My BFF for 20 years called me yesterday to tell me her news, she is pregnant with baby number 2. She is already through her 1st trimester and just found out she is preg. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her and her husband. They have one daughter and have been trying for 3 years for another child with no luck. They had given up hope, but low and behold she is preg and 3 months in. Her due date is my granfather's birthday.   While I am happy for her, my heart does break for my babies, my 3 that I can't hold. My doctor told me I could try again this summer and we plan to, but I am just so scared. All the test they have done have come back with nothing wrong, so they have no idea why I keep miscarring. My OB/GYN says that as soon as I think I am preg, like one day late, to come in and he will do an ultrasound and if I am he will start progestrone to hopefully keep the baby.   I don't know what will happen, but I am scared. I am scared of gaining to much weight, I am scared of losing the baby, I am scared I will never have a baby.   The name of today's game just seems to be scared!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Rant and Rave

Ok, the last week has been kinda stressful and I know it's only going to get worse. My job is changing greatly over the next few months and I am having learn a lot of new things and work extra to keep up with my job while I learn a new system. So maybe I am just stressed, but I need to rant for a min......     WLS is Easy WTH. I saw someone this weekend who hadn't seen me for a while and told me I looked great. Of course the next thing out of her mouth was how did you lose so much weight? I said that I was really watching what I ate, eating healthier and moving more, and that I had lapband surgery. Her comment was, oh well you are lucky then you can't gain weight. I wanted to expload at that moment. The thing is with lapband or ANY WLS you can gain weight. Gaining weight is EASY, not losing it. I can gain by eating more than I expend- calorie layden thing (milkshakes, chips, ice cream, cake, ect). I can gain just like anyone else. It really bothers me that people still have this misconception that WLS makes it so much easier. Does it help, YES, does it make it easy HELL NO.   BMI vs Size Ok so here is another thing that is buggin me. My entire life doctors have complained about my weight. I have been over weight since I was 5. Over 200 since middle school (now 190's). Now that I am losing and I have studied info, I congnitivly know that the scale isn't totally accurate when it comes to my health. I have lost 50+ lbs, while my weight is in the 190's I am far smaller than I thought I would be in the 190's. Why, because of my muscle to fat ratio. It is often said that muscle weighs more than fat, not exactly true. A pound of muscle takes up far less room than a pound of fat. A stick of butter and a ball bearing may weigh the same, but that ball bearing is much smaller. So my muscle mass has increased, and my shape has decreased, but the scale isn't moving these days. Yet when I go to the doctors they look at the scale and calculate my BMI and tisk tisk tisk. WTH- Doc please look at the whole pic instead of one fasit. I am a work in progress not a completed project.   Fear factor I will be the first to say that I am scared, paranoid, terrified of gaining weight back. I have tried way to long to lose, now that it has begun I do not want to revert. So yes I am almost obsessive over it. Is this good, not really, but it's me. I look at what I eat, I weigh daily, I move more. Being a scientific person I like to see cause and effect. How does what I put in effect measurment and weight. I chart every thing so I can take it to my doctor.   Judgements Ok, so maybe I am paranoid that people judge me when they aren't, but I think that comes from my years of low self esteem. I often see people state, Oh you are doing what your suppose to so don't worry about the scale, don't weigh it just drives you crazy, don't worry the weight will come off. Yes, I know all the data- about the scale doesn't show the whole picture, that we should keep on doing what we are suppose to when the scales stops and in time weight will come off. But, gee am I the only human on here that while I know this, it still doesn't make me happy that the scale isn't going down.   Ok, so maybe I am judging others here, but here it goes.... some people post and make statements on here that make them appear that they are perfect. They are losing, they are doing what the doctor says, they aren't weighing daily- happy, happy, joy, joy. It's like they never get frustrated or impatient ever. I honestly wonder sometimes are they really like that, or are they just putting on a front on this sight. Because while this journey hasn't been the tooth and nail climb that diets have been in the past, it has not been all hunky dory and perfect. So my thought for them is be human, I have flaws I get stressed, and I know you do to, no matter if you want to admit it or not.   I think newbies need to know and see the entire picture. Yes, you do what your doc and NUT say. Will this be easy - no. Will you hit plateaus- yes. Will you get frustrated at times- hell yes. Will what works for me work for you- maybe/maybe not.     Okay so enough of my ranting. If I offended anyone sorry, chalk it up to me having a bee in my bonnett to day and had one straw to many put on my pile.   Thanks for letting me rant!!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Can you hear it...........

Can you hear your band?   My band I think is bipolar. One day he yells at me, the next quite as a mouse, then the next firm but forgiving. Ok- what does this mean. One day I get stuck no matter how well I chew, the next day I can eat anything I want with no issue whatsoever, then the next after two meatball George's stop, now that is enough. What is up with that, why can't he be consistant???   For many of you, as it is for me over eating was the biggest cause of my weight- rather than just what I ate. I mean I love veggies, but even to much of a good thing can be bad. My portions is what I must watch and control. I know everyone says because you can eat more doesn't mean you should- this is exactly right, but when it taste so heavenly you want just one more bite. Some day George D. Band allows one more bite, some days he slaps me up side the head and says nope, I am going to make you pay for that. Then on occassion is clamly say, slow it down girlfriend it's time to stop. I enjoy the calm days, we get along really well those days.   For instance today- breakfast: Light & Fit Greek Yogurt 2X protien with two tablespoons of granola on top- snack 5 snowpeas with ranch dip (greek yogurt dip)- lunch 2 meat balls a little larger than a quarter. Each meal George said stop and I did. Days like today, he makes it easy, but there are others where I wonder what sector of hell he came from.   At 13 months out I have only lost 60 lbs . There are so many out there doing so much better than me, and I lament. I have 45 lbs more I want to lose. I know, I eat what I want, I don't feel I sacrifice, should I sacrifice. What more do I need to do? Gotta do something?

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Waste of Money!!!

Okay I feel sure I am likely going to offend someone here, so if you are easily offended stop reading now!   I don't often get on my "high horses" but I am today.   I have heard people complain and moan and groan about surgery being a waste of money and time. Well my first questions is.... Did you follow you doctor's orders? Did you listen and follow what the nutritionist said? Did you go in to see the doctor and discuss issues?   If the answer to any of those are no then you wasted your own money! I work hard to make a living and I am not going to give my money away for nothing. I am paying my surgeon and my nutritionist a prime rate and honey you better bet I am going to listen to their orders. If I feel like something they told me is unfounded then I am going to discuss it with them and see if we can come up with a plan- for example multivitamins make me sick. For some reason multivitamins make me very ill, for a first couple of months I took individual vitamins throuhgout the day to prevent getting sick. After that I ask my doctor to test my levels and everything was great. The doctor gave me clearence to stop taking most of the vitamins only if I had my levels checked monthly. I have and everything is fine. I still take B vitamins since those have always been low.   I didn't just do my own thing and ignore his advice. We made a plan and I followed through.   My opinion, again this is MY OPINION, if you are not going to follow doctors orders then don't spend the money and waste the time to have surgery.   If you are not willing to commit totally to what it takes to be successful with WLS don't do it. It may be that you aren't ready right now, but in time you will be.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Negative People

I am just 6 weeks post of and have lost 23 lbs. While that is great and I happy to have lost it and that my clothes fit better, I am having a fat day. While I know I am still fat (221), I want the feeling of feeling better about myself to come back. The change.... negative people. I work with several banders, one succesful at 60lbs lost, and 2 unsuccesful. The unsuccessful ones think I am crazy for doing it because it doesn't work.   The one that has lost 60lbs and kept it off seems to have an attitude now. She keeps telling me that I won't be able to lose the 100lbs I want to. She said I will only lose about 40% of my excess weight. My doctor keeps telling me that I will lose as much as I work at losing-- meaning if I excercise and eat right I can lose the 100lbs I want to.   The negitve co-worker picks apart everything I eat telling me what is bad about it. Then they go get milkshakes and offer me one - hell no I don't want a milkshake. Today when I didn't bring lunch because literally the dog ate (stole it from the counter when I turned my back) I said I was going to run out and pick up lunch. Then I get- you know that really isn't good for you, you aren't going to lose weight like that. Just because I run pick something up doesn't mean I am going to make a bad choice as to what to get. I know I need to just let it go and ignore her, but when you see a person daily who is being negative it wears on you. I can't keep from seeing her, she is two offices down and literally I am going to see and bump into her. I realize this is just a mental game, maybe she doesn't want me to be more successful than her. However, her being this way is giving me motivation to show her.... can't wait to get home and hit the elliptical.   It is odd how my attitude has changed. Pre-band I would go to food due to hurt feelings, now I go work out and literally work out the frustration and then I feel so much better afterward.   I am going to do this, but the negative people are singing a chorus in my head that I will fail.   How do you deal with negative people?

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Instant Gradification Junkie

I have a serious problem with wanting instant gradification. I think I've always been this way. My mom says patience was never my strong suit. I guess this is way gaining weight was so easy for me. You eat, it taste good, instant grad. Where the calories don't build up to pounds quickly so I don't see the negive consequence so fast.   I went into this surgery knowing that the loss would not be instant, however I did believe I would have lost more by this point (only 55 lbs in 10 months). I did well the first little bit, but then it has taken me 4 months to lose 10 lbs. I worry that I've lost all I will lose, a co-worker has told me over and over that with lapband you only lose 50 to 60 % of your excess body weight, and I am right there.   With exercise I also find it hard to keep on schedule. Due to my desire for instant gradification I find it difficult to say walk, do the elliptical, lift weights for x length of time because I see no result afterwards. Now, I love cutting my grass (I push mow my .28 acre), working in my flowers, even cleaning my kitchen and house because when I am done I can see a difference- instant grad. I know I need a regular exerecise plan, but I am having a really hard time sticking to one. I can go a month maybe two then I slack off due to other obligations that get in the way. Once I don't do it one day it makes it hard to get back at it. The hubs fusses at me for this, but he does the same thing. At one point we were walking the dogs on the trail behind the house every night, but long hours at work rain, we don't do that now.   My eating I think I am doing well with. I am making good choices, eating small portions, and drinking water. I know that limiting my carbs more than I have already done may help me get it down even more, but I worry I wouldn't be able to keep that up long term. I am a meat and potatos girl, always have been.   I think basically I need to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, stop wining and do something!!! I find it easier to cut carbs than I think, I had a much easier time letting go of soda than I thought I would. The exercise may still be an issue, but maybe I will be more apt to do it if I get a gym membership- I don't like to waste money.   I am in contemplative mode right now, the pity party is over, I am planning now to get over this hump. I want to kick my want power into high geer!!   Please any one who want to kick me in the seat of the pants, bring it on. I want to move forward!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Bad Advice Buddy

When I first started thinking about being banded I talked to a co-worker who had lost 60 + lbs and gotten to a size 10 after being banded. She was really encouraging and told me if I did it she would be there to help me along.   Well after being banded she turned on me- she was always telling me I was doing it wrong and not being helpful at all. I stopped discussing the band with her to prevent any bad feelings after all I have to work with this woman. Since my surgery it's like it pushed her to get back on the wagon and she has lost an additional 20 lbs and is rubbing it in my face. Rude a little?   Now she has begun telling me things like- you can eat reg food after getting a fill, it won't hurt you- your doctor is to restrictive you don't need to drink all that water it's not good for you you are getting fills to often   I do not ask for advice, but I get it anyway. Frankly I just ignore her advice because we didn't have the same surgeon and I trust and like my surgeon and prefer to listen to him not her.   Her bad advice is just bugging me. Yes, she has had great success and done very well, looks great. I don't know if she is following the same things she is telling me or if she is trying to sabatoge me. I refuse to listen to her, but now she is giving advice to someone else who is considering the band, which upsets me because this person doesn't know anything about it. I want to step up and say something, but that person hasn't come to me to ask for advice so I feel like it would be butting in and could possibly cause some tention in the work place.   My weight loss has been painfully slow, but it will keep coming down. I am happy that I was banded and have finally excepted that my body will drop the weight on it's on time table. I gained a little over Christmas, but feel confident that I will take it off.   It's just hard to come to work and have someone rub their loss in your face and tell you that you are doing it wrong when I am doing what my doctor say do.   What's a girl to do?

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

What?why?how?

On Tuesday this week I went to my nutritionist and I had lost a total of 35 lbs since the 1st time I saw her. She went over my food journal and calorie counts. Gave me some pointers, but all in all said I was doing wonderful and she couldn't have hoped for a better turn out. Needless to say I was pleased and happy.   So today is Thursday of the same week and I had a fill. So I wasn't worried when I was weight. WTH, I am up 3 lbs since Tuesday. WHAT??? My calorie counts have been well below my BMR- right about 1200. It's not my time of the month. So how in the heck I am up 3lbs in two days.   I know I shouldn't be freaked out because out bodies fluctuate day to day, but geez!! I had finally hit 209 - single digit 200's- only 9 more lbs till my 1st major goal. But now I am up. I feel defeated. Mind you I didn't and won't do what I use to do, which is go out and binge. I don't have a desire to do that anymore, I want to do the opposite, not eat anything, but that isn't healthy either.   My hubs says shake it off I will be back down by the weekend, but I don't feel confindent. I track each morsel that enters my mouth and I work out. I am far more active now than I have been in years and I sleep better, so what in the world.   I know it's only 3 lbs I need to chill out. But I needed to vent. I am back in my office now and I have no one to talk to about how I am feeling. I am on liquids for the remainder of the day so maybe that will help.   Any suggestions for my bander friends out there?

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Blah............

It has been a long time since I have written or read much on this site. Work is kicking my butt, working about 9-10 hours a day in the office, then coming home to do house work. It's become a work, work, work atmosphere and it's getting me down.   This past Sunday I spent most of the day sleeping, I was exhausted. It's just Tuesday and I have already put in 22 hours. My body aches, I feel blah, and have zero motivation or desire to do anything more that what is necessary. Exercise just ain't happening and lately neither has healthy eating.   I caught myself today eating like I use to and it scared me. I haven't had time to think lately or put much effort into meals. Breakfast is still the same yogurt, blueberries with a sprinkle of granola. Lunch is anything from cereal to take out. Today a friend went to Moes and got me a burrito bowl. I was busy working at my desk, she put it in front of me and said eat. I said thanks and started working. I was working and eating and caught myself mindlessly eating and shoveling it in. That is a habit I never want to see again. When I finally get home from work, I have no energy left to want to cook, so it easy stuff like bag meals or delivery pizza.   Thankfully, this crazy time tends to only last about a month, before things get back to normal. I can't wait!! My stress level is higher than it's been in a very long time, people at work are ill, the new computer system at work plan out sucks and cause me to work twice as hard to do half the work. Honestly, I want to sit down and cry.   My weight is still holding in the 186-189 range, which I guess I should be thankful that it hasn't gone up considering my horrific eating habits of late. With all the stress it causes me to look at myself like I use to- like a huge fat blob that will never loose weight so why try. I know 60 lbs are gone, but I still feel huge.   I am guessing it's the working myself to the bone, exhaustion, time of the month, ect that are getting me down. I had so hoped that by this time or at least by Christmas this year I would be at my goal of 140, but I am starting to think I will never get there and why try.   Any one with some words of wisdom or some encouragement out there? Totally feeling down and unworthy.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

The Band Vs. Vacation

I just returned for a wonderful week of warmth and sunshine in Orlando, Florida. This was my first vacation and first time flying since being banded. I talked to my doc before hand about this and she advised to not get a fill and eat and enjoy food, but with in reason.   Last Saturday we had to be at the airport at 3:30, so we got lunch at the airport- first stuck episode. So embarrassing having to run to the public restroom with my hand over my mouth. We got to Florida and I just drank some Vitamin Water Zero (no calorie). First thing the next morning I figured I would go for yogurt for breakfast since I had gotten stuck so bad. Well, I just stuck on the yogurt. Again, Vitamin Water Zero.   Later in the day I was dying for something, so I got some Froyo 120 calorie with protein added. That perked me up. That night after having walked over 22500 steps I really wanted food!! At a nice restaurant I order some grilled fish and that went well- I thought I finally was good.   The week went on and I didn't get through one day without getting stuck at least once. I never knew what would do it.   Yesterday before flying home I wasn't able to eat anything at all. I sucked on ice most of the day and drank a slim fast when I got home.   Today, I have been able to eat cereal, but that is all.   My weight this morning was up by 4 lbs since last Saturday. I am however on my period and since I have eaten out for a week I am sure sodium levels are up. I am not freaking out about the weight being up, just bother by not being able to eat anything.   So I have learned lapband and vacation isn't the best mix, but I will make the best of it, because I don't plan on giving up either.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

What, I am full, already??

I got a fill last Tuesday of .5 cc to give me a total of aroud 7cc. Last week was normal didn't really feel much extra restriction. This week- wowser!   Yesterday the restriction kicked in and I think I had the best band day ever (food wise) day started with 20 oz of water 1 cup of coffee (black) 1 cup of Special K with 1/2 cup 2% milk (breakfast) Smart Ones Four Cheese Pizza (lunch) 3oz chop steak 1/2 cup scalloped potatos (didn't eat it all)   No snacks!!!   I stayed satisfied all day long with no snacks. Yesterday was the hubs B-day and he requested seasoned chopsteak and homemade scalloped potatos, so this was what we had. The chop steaks are 3 oz each. Preband I would eat 2 plus 2 sides and still have room, not now! I eat about 3 bites of steak and 2 bites of potatos and full! I thought WTH, wow, I am full on no more than that!! So I pack the remainder in a tupperware bowl for lunch today. I didn't get hungery later in the evening, I just felt good.   I am loving this new found freedom from food. I like getting my fill on so much less- it's rush.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Why can't we all just get along?

In society today people have become, well crazy. We ALL have crazy moment when we just seem to forget and make snap comments or judgement without thinking things through.   What took place in CT is truly a tragedy that I don't think I will ever be able to comprehend. I had the same feelings when reading about and see reports about Columbine, Okalahoma City, 9-11, Virginia Tech - why do people hurt innocents. These are all horrible horrible things, but what about the small things.   On a daily basis we (me and you) have the ability to hurt or help someone. In my job I can get easily frustrated with parents, kids, staff, and have to remind myself to be real. I should not take my frustration with one person out on someone else- they don't deserve it. This is also the situation with this site.   This site was created with the hope of giving support to other who have been banded. There are some on this site who have done an amazing job with their band and really have it down, then there are some who are struggling or haven't done as well, but the one thing we have in common is the band. When I respond, write blogs, ect I try to only present what has happened to me on my journey.   Each person on this site have influences that other do not- different doctor, emotional states, family situations, illnessess, ect there for the journey will not be the same for everyone. I tend to only get frustrated with those that try to tell people to go against doctors orders. If you choose a doctor and trust him/her then you should LISTEN to their medical advice!!!! If you doctor says you need vitamins, maybe there is something in your labs or history to cause the doctor to say that so take them no matter what anyone else says. If you doctor says eat xyz then do it. If you feel like you are getting unsound advice from the doctor seek out a second opinion from ANOTHER DOCTOR!!!! A bariactric specialist is the only one you should take MEDICAL advice from!!   On this site we need to be here to tell our story, how we are doing, how we are making it on journey and what we have experienced. No, we do not need to sugar coat and validate bad behavior (eating food 2 days post op- I doubt this is allowed by any Doctor). What we should be doing is being a helpful encourager to stick to the program. We all are told to eat healthier (stop eating junk food every day and greasy fried foods), to move more (I didn't say be a gym rat, just move more), and to eat smaller portions ( I think most doctors recommend a cup). If you do not like a response some one has to a comment you posted either ignore it or RESPECTFULY state why you do not agree.   The key is being respectful of each other, we can agree to disagree. I may not like what a person has to say, but that doesn't give me the right to bash them. If I expect respect, then I must give it.   What a better world we would live in if people could just respect!!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Shake the Sheets

This morning I did my norm morning routine. Got up pottied and got on the scale before dressing (TMI I know, but it is always best to weigh in you birthday suit). The hubs walks in and hugs me and says "geez I can reach my elbows when I wrap my arms around you". Then he said "I'm proud of you babe, but don't get so skinny I have to shake the sheets to find ya".   For those who don't know my husband is visually impaired. His vision is 20/800 - legally blind since birth. Granted he is well educated graduated with honors with a degree in computer science and is a well respected software engineer. He just can't see very well. So it's always been the running joke that he feel for me because I was large print (he always replied to that with you said that not me). Now he is joking saying I am getting so small he won't be able to see me anymore.   The joking is all in fun- he is very supportive of my weight loss journey and is helping me leaps and bounds.   But I must say it would be nice for him to have to shake the sheets to find me

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Truth Be Told.....

We (me) lie to ourselves a lot.   I stayed in deniel over my weight for way to long. Thinking, oh, I'm not really that big. I just avoided pictures and mirrors. If I do see it's not there, right?   Due to my weight though I over compensated in a lot of areas. I was that annoying sibling who did everything my parents wanted. I made good grades, I worked, I was honest with my parents and I never got in trouble - honestly. This drove my brothers crazy. But, a lot of the reason for this was I wasn't popular. I didn't want to go to parties and stay out late because I had no self confidense.   As an adult I am pretty much a stickler for the rules at work and every where else. My weight has been out of control so I wanted to control everything else in my life.   Once I admitted, yes I am over weight, and yes I disgust myself with the rolls, I decided to do something about it. I was scared to begin with of not being successful. After all I got fat because I loved the taste of food- real food - not junk. I talked to my doctor and told him my fears, he ask if I really wanted to lose weight- I said yes. If anything were possible what would be the best way for you to loose- I thought well food not having calories would be nice- but realistically it was for me to eat less of what I was already eating. I already ate lots of veggies, healthy grains, fruit, and lean meats - I had already made that change years ago. I can't even tell you the last time I ate little debbie- never really liked them. He told me that he could help with that - the band would help me eat less.   Now, truth be told, 4.5 months post op, 43 lbs gone, this has not been as hard as I expected. Do I have hard days, heck yeah, but looking over the entire 4 months, once I got past the first 2, it's been pretty great. I don't miss soda, I don't miss the large quantity of food. I do not miss the size 22's. I don't miss anypart of my old life- nothing. Rather than filling like a stuffed cow after a meal I feel good, comfortable. It doesn't take much for it to kick in now that I have had enough since I got restriction. Once that hits I honestly believe if I ate another bite I would be sick- I haven't pushed that, but I feel that way. I hit that point at a cup of food. Left overs abound at my house now and I realize just how much I was eating.   We all say WLS is hard, it's not easy, it's not the easy way out and it's not. However, this is alot easier than continuing to live the way I was - fat and miserable! It's a lot easier to put down that fork now than it was before. It's a lot easier to say nope don't want that now that it was 5 months ago. 5 months ago I would go for any food at any time- now unless I'm hungry I don't want it. My daily craving is water - seriously- I drink 80-100 oz now, I am thirsty.   Anyway- this is just my rant- how do you feel about your journey- has it been easy or has it been hell?

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Easy Breezy....

WLS is not Cover Girl. Easy Breezy is not a definition that can be used when talking about WLS.   In reading the comments posted on Fox News regaurding Gov. Christie's lapband surgery, I was disturbed to see that people still see WLS as the easy way out. What I would like to know is what part of major surgery is easy?   While lapband surgery is not a horrible ordeal to face, it isn't all sugar plums and roses. I was sick after surgery, felt like crap. Then I had trouble taking in enough. Then I was starving hungry. Then when I started eating again I was terrified. As the first 50 lbs melted away I was thrilled with my decision to have lapband, once I got past the 199 mark, the next 10 lbs took 4 months! I am still very glad I choose this change and committed to it.   Just because you have WLS doesn't mean your cravings, desires, wants disappear. We have to learn to manage these things. WLS success requires a huge committment to change your lifestyle. This pathway to health is worth it, but it is far from easy.   May 22nd I will be 11 months post op and I have gone from 244 to 188. I have gone from wearing a tight 18W to a very comfy 14. I know longer wear the 1-2X shirts, I know easily wear a large. These things are awesome and make then changes I committed to well worth the struggle.   Every day brings with it a new set of challenges, opticles, highs and lows, but it is worth it to finally feel "normal".   I no longer walk into places and feel like people are looking at me due to my weight. I am no longer paranoid over it (well almost there). I love walking into stores and being able to find cute clothes. I walked past the Women's sizes the other day in Belk and saw a cute top- guess what all they had were to big for me . My husband hugs me and comments frequently how small I feel and how proud he is of me.   So no matter how people view the surgery, no matter if it is hard or easy, I don't give a rats bootie- this is my life and I choose health. I choose to change. I am on this journey. I still have 45 lbs left to loose. I won't make it to goal in a year. But by golly I will make it. One day, I will see the blessed 140's. I am not sure how much more changing and rearranging I will have to do to my life style, but I am committed and I will do what I must to finally acheive my dreams!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

My Band Is Working, My Band Is Working!!!!

I had my second fill on Thursday, she gave me a little over a cc. Before now I had been holding my portions down myself and not really getting a single of I am good I don't need anymore. Since my fill on Thursday I am getting the single before I hit my normal portion size. YEAH!!   It is right before my TOM and I am craving sweets like crazy, but so far I have been able to just say no. Today will be difficult it is raining and we are staying in and normally this type of day would mean me in the kitchen baking, yet I know if I bake I will eat, so I just can't do that. I have considered baking something for my husband to take to work tomorrow for his co-workers, they would like that. I love to cook, to bake, to be little Ms Suzy Homemaker; just like my mom, but I know I have to break those habits to, but it is a hard one to break. I feel closer to my grandma and mom when I am baking, rainy cold days were the days they taught me how to cook. Those were the best days of my childhood.   Do any of you out there have a day that they allow themself a sweet treat, or do they just always say no?

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

The Retraining Of A Southern Girl

I am 100% born and bread southern girl. I even grew up on a farm. Being from a small community and a small baptist church food is everything. I mean seriously, being southern and southern baptist = we eat for every reason. The southern way is when someone dies you take food, when someone has a baby you take food, we someone has a birthday you have a party with lots of food. The old saying about baptist and fried chicken are not far from the truth. Our church go together all the time for means, homecoming, revivial, bible school, weddings, funerals, heck we had Wed night dinners at church.   At home each summer my mom, grandmother and I would work in the garden. At 31 years old I can freeze or can any veggie and make my own home made pickle. There is no fruit I can't make a cobbler with. In the summer each weekend we would make some kind of sweet treat for whom ever may drop by for a visit on Sunday afternoon. Yes, people still lived like this in the last 30 years. I am totally not complaining I had an awesome childhood. I knew how to cook by the time I was 13 and was cooking a full meal for the family at least once a week at that age. I still make my own pickle each summer, I hate store bought and I freeze fresh corn and can string beans and tomatos. I know I am odd, but I am me.   All this life revolving about food got me to nearly 250 lbs. Since I was 5 years old my weight has fluctuated up and down. In 9th grade I was already in a size 20. My senior year of high school I lost weight and got down to a size 16, but that was after an accident when lead to months of pain and physical theraphy. I manage to keep the weight off through college, but once I was out I gained that plus some. When I married I wanted to be the little ms suzy homemaker, so I would cook enough for an army because that was what I was use to, but it was just me and my husband. To keep the food and sweets from being thrown away we would eat it, so both mine and my hubs weight went up.   Now at 31 years old, I have decided to change. I have had to change my way of thinking. First off I have become the odd one who instead of bringing food to a greiving family I bring paper plates, and napkins or stamps. Since the family send thank you notes the stamps keep them from having to buy them. I have learned when hosting a party one sweet something the rest healthy ( think fruit plate and veggie plate). Instead of drinking the house wine of the south (SWEET tea) I drink water. Instead of frying everything, I grill, bake, broil and steam.   This has not and continues not being an easy transition, but it is happening and it is rewarding. Since I began this journey back in April, my husband's eating habits have changes and exercise habits have changed. He is eating better and working out more. My parents even though they are not here with us I talk to them a lot and they are trying my new healthy recipes and I have gotten my dibetic dad to change from gaterade to propel. So my trying to change me for the better are changing the ones I love. So it is worth it.   I told my husband once that nothing worth having ever came easy and this is no different. So instead of dreading each change I look forward to the challenge and will meet it head on with the help of my family. I am still a southern belle, but I won't continue all the southern traditions.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Admissions of Guilt

Here are some things that I need to admit:   1- I can not do this journey alone. My husband is awesome and so very supportive, but he isn't on the same path as me and it's makes it difficult to see him eating certain things and I have to tell myself no. I don't have anyone to call and vent to or talk me down. I thought I could do it with his support, but I need support from those on the same wagon train.   2- I am addicted to food. When all else fails eat. When you are sad, happy, mad, glad, worried, sleepy eat.   3- The only thing to blame for me not having lost more weight is me, myself and I. I choose to eat things I shouldn't have and more than I should have.   4- I am a master of excuses. If you have something you don't want to do, let me know I can give you 100 different excuses for not.   5- I have good intetions, but have trouble following through. I often "plan" to do XYZ, but then when the time comes, the excuses come.   I am starting to work on these. The journey is an ever evolving learning process. I have hidden and ignored a lot of things above, but I must face them now in order to move forward.   The last week bad decisions have now shown up on the scale. This morning as I stared down at the scale shining 191, I wanted to kick my butt. I made bad choices and I am now 3 lbs up. To many that may not seem bad, but for me it is a wake up call.   I have got to turn this thing around, I have got to reset. This started with me making a menu plan again last night. This way I will know what I will be eating and have less chance of making unhealhty things. I also made my lunches for the remainder of the week and packaged my breakfast, so all I have to do is pick and go. When I did this a few weeks ago it really worked, then life hit me and fell down.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Son of a Biscuit

It's been a son of a biscuit few weeks. At work we have converted to a new software system and I am trying to learn it all the while, trying to make sure we are ready to start school in a month with 2500 kids and two campuses. This ain't easy!!   I go home from work with a head ache and high BP each day. The only thing I want is a nap. For about two months now I have weighed between 187-189, daily weigh in. My NUT told me not to worry about it right now, that stress is keeping me from losing and right now my goal should be to maintain during this stressful time and then once things calm down I can start working toward losing again. My hubs tells me to go home and work out each day. He has been hitting the elliptical and weights hard the last few weeks and has dropped 2 lbs - proud of my boy! I know I to need to get back to exercise, without it further weight loss will not happen. I have never been a lover of working out, I rather work at something- yard work, cleaning ect. When I lived on the farm there was always work to be done- garden to pick, yard to mow and clean, feilds to work, cows to deal with, ect. Now as I live in the city my little .27 of an acre isn't keeping me as busy as the 100 acre farm I was raised on.   I know must find some way to enjoy and maintain an exercise regiment. We have an elliptical and a total gym in our home and a greenway behind our house. I have no excuse, yet I always seem to find one.   This week I am trying to go back to the basics. No eating out, eating clean and healthy. Also, I want to hit the elliptical at least 3 times this week.   While I am proud of myself that during this 13 month journey I have managed not to gain, that isn't good enough. I still have about 45 lbs that I want gone. I will get there, just don't know when.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Perspective

I've been down the last month or so because my weight didn't seem to be moving. I was following the doctors orders, doing what I was suppose to, but the scales were not moving. Then last week all of a sudden I came to realize geez my pants are falling down, my shirt feels bigger. The scales weren't moving, but the inches were. I purchase some summer shorts and capri's in 14's and 12's - holy cow, WOW!! A XL in the ladies section is to big, I need a large.   Yesterday the hubs and I went to the mall to finish getting what we needed to our Florida vacation in a few weeks. I tried on a new pair of flip flops and was standing in the mirror looking at them. It took a second for it to register I was looking at my leg- OMG- it's not huge. I look nice. I am sliming down all over. When heading to the store I was tell the hubs- last year at this time I was poured into my 20/22 capri's and wearing a 2XL shirt; yesterday I had on a pair of 14 shorts that are loose in the waist and a size large ladies t-shirt.   Wow- this has worked, I did it. I have lost weight. I feel good.   At the start of this journey I said I would be happy to get to a size 12/14, well I am here. But, now I am thinking a 8/10 would be nice. Me in an 8/10 WOW- what a thought. I never imagined that could happen and I could still eat good food.   I don't feel like I am being deprived or eating rabbit food. I eat the same things I have always loved, just less of it. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. The only thing I could totally go for that I really should avoid is a slice of Cheesecake Factory Red Velvet Cheesecake. Most likely I will get one for my anniversary (we got engaged there), but I will likely eat it over a few days vs at one time or share it with the hub.   So for anyone reading this just starting out or hasn't been banded yet, good news, you can loose weight and still eat good food. It's possible to have it all!!!   Today I am on top of the world!!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

A Life Worth Living.....

If you are anything like me your weight has held you back from enjoying many things.   Since childhood I avoided crowds, parties, public to hopefully avoid being picked on. The first time I ever traveled was when I was 22 years old. I went to New Orleans to see my cousin, my first time out of NC/VA and my first time on a plane. Since I have traveled to Vegas, Nashville, and California's Sierras. I love to travel, but some places I still wouldn't go due to my weight- beaches, warm places, where a bathing suit would be expected.   I also didn't go into fancy clothing stores, I just got my clothes at walmart. I was afraid of what the sales ladies would think of me walking in a upscale store.   Now, I have lost 45 lbs, I am 32 years old and I am sick and tired of not living due to my weight. So even though I have not reached my goal, I am going to LIVE!!!   I have always wanted to go to Disney and Seaworld, but never did due to the walking discomfort fear and all the people. Well, I booked the hubs and I a week trip to Disney for April. Mickey here we come!! I plan to do the things I have always wanted to do, not more holding back.   It's my time! I don't want to look back 40 years from now with regrets. I considered lapband 10 years ago, but didn't do it because my family wasn't supportive, I wish I would have told them on board or not I am doing it.   Next fall we are going back to Louisana (his family is there), maybe New York in the next year. No more holding back and waiting for xyz to take place. I am alive and here now, so I am going to LIVE!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

I Am Becoming One Of Those People.......

I use to have people say, oh I didn't realize it was lunch time. I would be like yeah right, how the heck do you forget lunch. Today I was sitting in my office working and someone walked into my office and ask, aren't you eating lunch. I was like huh, it's to early then I looked at the clock 12:30 - WOW I had no idea it was lunch time.   I also use to get annoyed when friends would eat a small salad or an apple and be like man I am so full. I had an apple and natural peanut butter for lunch and geez I am full. I actually really enjoyed my healthy lunch. I can't believe I am already one of those people. While eating one apple slice I didn't chew enough and felt it get caught a bit, no PB'ing or sickness just a little tightness. Wow I have a band and it's working.   Yesterday instead of cooking like I would normally do on a rainy day I got on our elliptical and worked out and it felt good. I am enjoying working out- WTH?   I am doing it, I am really doing it!!! I lost 2 lbs in the last week --- YEAH Me!! I am finally becoming the person I always wanted to be and the person who I was always jealous of. I know I will have a day again that I am doubting my band, but today I am thrilled with it. I feel like my band is helping me achieve a life long dream.   Thanks to all of you out there who inspire me to keep it up - Missy, carolina girl, jean - thanks for the help and for the post that kick me into action. Bansters ROCK!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

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