Since being banded in early June I've steadily gotten worse & worse about sabotaging myself, which seems completely counter-productive in light of all I went through just to get this procedure done. After really thinking about it awhile, I realized that, for me, there is a payoff to staying fat. No men! I've had 4 failed marriages & am not willing to put myself in a position where men will notice me or want to connect with me. Has this been discussed on this forum before? Is anyone else dealing with this? I was also sexually abused as a preteen by a stepfather, which further complicates my thinking. It's not that I think men will be rushing to be around me. It's my own judgment that is untrustworthy. It's just better to avoid men altogether than to risk my tendency to get involved too quickly. So, I've been hitting DQ 3-4 times a week for a Blizzard. It's like an addict going after a fix. If anyone has any insight into this type of behavior, I would appreciate your input!

This book and the visualization CD that comes with it has really helped me with similar issues. I can't say enough good things about how it has reduced my cravings for "bad" food. The book explains why your body may, indeed, want to remain fat. What an eye-opener!

The Gabriel Method

Electrawoman, I actually own this book, although mine didn't have a cd with it. I did like I usually do with books that look like they may be helpful; read a chapter or two, then set it aside. I'm more terrified of success than afraid of failure! Failure is familiar and therefore comfortable.

Counseling is so expensive, but in my heart I know that I need it for the men issues. I will see about finding that cd that goes with the book and maybe give it another go. Thank you for your encouragement! BTW, I live in Texas, too, although I have no clue where Little Elm is!

You can download the cd from his website if you already have the book. Just look in your book according to the directions for the password.

Oh and little elm is near dallas and Denton.

How cool - I just downloaded the cd - thank you! I'm going to start over again. If it is helping you, then I feel hope. The main thing is being able to still feel "safe", bec. I know that's what Jon Gabriel says is the reason our bodies hang onto the fat. I just wonder what that feeling of safety is replaced with? Just thinking out loud....

So, we don't live too far apart; I'm a half hr. south of FW. Thank you from one Texas gal to another!

The way I understand it is that our bodies either feel safe fat or thin. In the overweight, our safety trigger is set to fat. In other words, fat=safe. So we have to retrain our primal brain to think that thin=safe. That's what the CD helps with.

That makes sense. I'm about to burn the download to a cd. Again, thanks for responding. I just needed something to give me some hope that this could turn around.

To dowbload this I need to put in the last word on page 50. Can anyone help out with this?

TIA

the word is heart.

I've posted this before, but I thought it was relevant to your post here:

Years ago, when I was at my thinnest (after nearly starving myself and losing 30 lbs in 6 weeks), I bought a denim mini skirt. That mini skirt attracted male attention--attention that I was not comfortable with! I unconsciously put on 5lbs--just enough that the mini skirt no longer fit--and then I felt a wierd sense of relief that I didn't have to wear that skirt again! Fat has some benefits that we often don't want to admit we're ok with: fat lets us be in the background; fat says I don't have to compete fashion-wise, sex-wise, friends-wise, work-wise; fat says I'm off the market sexually and will be a faithful wife; fat says I can get by with just being the funny one; fat says I'm motherly and nurturing; fat says I'll be the one that survives a famine; fat can make me feel larger that life; fat can make me feel protected and shielded...! Fat can bury so many emotions and protect us from ourselves and/or our pasts. As the weight comes off, we begin the excavation of our past selves, and that can be very uncomfortable. We are all so much more than just our bodies. Good luck!

I would suggest to you to get some counseling. It has helped me so much. Although I still struggle with things I learned alot about myself . . . things that I was carrying around and had no idea. I went through my church association. But there are a lot of places that offer a sliding scale for counseling. We spent a lot of money to fix our outsides . . . what could be more important than our mental health. Trust me it is good to talk it out and learn coping skills to help you. Good luck!!

Thanks, Willowcat and 123Crod, for your input. I appreciate your words of support.

robin, can say that i know what you're going through. feel that subconsciously i am doing the same thing... lost 90 lbs, and gained 40 back and due to complications but psychologically, I wonder if I didn't sabotage myself because the attention was too much to handle. think that the best thing is probably what 123crod recommended, some good ole soul searching, and counseling to see what lies we are believing and how to replace them with truth. freedom is always better than bondage.

here's to freedom for you and i, sister.