My DH is right behind me if I feel this is what I need to do but when he was complaining about his back last night (he's about 25kg overweight too) I said to him "would you consider this too?". He said "no, I wouldnt risk a general anaesthetic with you and the kids to consider for something I should be able to handle on my own".

I said no more about it but I was thinking on it more later on. He had a long surgery for compartment syndrome in both his legs about 2 years ago, our little girl was only 7 months old at the time and we've got two older boys.

Why can people not view obesity as a debilitating condition that needs to be fixed, just as his compartment syndrome was, just as the heel spurs and wisdom teeth I've had removed under general anaesthetic were.

Why can he watch one of those plastic surgery shows and tell me if I get all this weight off I can get my boobs done? Like why is it OK to mutilate your body to stick a few bits of silicone in your chest, but not OK to get banded to ensure you live 15 years longer in comfort and health. That your sore, wounded self esteem is fixed?

Its nuts.

I have to be honest and say that I decided to keep my surgery a secret. I did this because I didn't want to live my life as "the guy who had that surgery."

Jachut, I think you touched on something very true. I have recently come to realize that no matter how much thinner my body becomes, I am still a 300lb man. This isn't a bad thing, just reognition that I have "fixed" my body (medical) but not my mind (psychological).

I hope you have your DH read all of these comments & your post. Maybe he'll understand after he reads them. Maybe he won't - but at the very least you will have explained your feelings & I am sure he will support the wife he loves so dearly in the end. Best of luck to you both in having good support & communication.