Yes, you read it right. My boss, an extremely vain,

narcissistic man, is traveling to Mexico tomorrow to have a Lap Band procedure. Of course he has to go to Mexico, no US surgeon in their right mind would perform it here.

In his words, he refuses to get fat. Or have stretch marks when he dies. Am I wrong to be offended by this? Insulted? I have been totally honest, he knows how I feel, but I have a feeling that since I am going through all of the Lap Band drama myself, he is going to try to turn to me for "support". I can't guarentee that I can give him that. He is turning a procedure that to me was a life saving option, into a vanity move. And I resent him for it. How can I get passed this????

You want me to be honest?

Yep, I think you're wrong to resent him. You cant know all his issues, you cant know whether he really struggles to maintain that weight or not, you cant know how much even a little extra weight bothers him. Its really none of your business.

This makes me quite mad. People are SO quick to scream discrimination at every turn, everything that goes wrong is because they're fat, people hate them because they're fat, people judge them because they're fat. But you're doing the exact same thing.

In Australia, they band from a BMI of 30. Because that is obese, and obesity is serious. They dont believe you should have to become ill before you can be banded. Prevention is WAY better than cure. I got banded at a BMI of 35, before I was sick or had comorbidities. I wanted to prevent them, I wanted a healthy old age and above all else, I wanted to look much much better than I did.

Really, where do you get off judging someone else for what you consider a "vanity move"? So what? Do you never do your hair, wear make up, or dress nice? Are you not going to enjoy the cosmetic benefits of your band?

Sheesh. There is enough band surgery to go around everyone. What the heck would it matter to you who else had one? Or why?

Well,

in your bosses defense... this is one of the main reasons I haven't felt it safe enough to tell my co-workers. At work, I have always dressed with girdles, etc and as careful as possible to cover my size. I've talked about this for years at work as others watched me go up and down and down and up in weight (hiding it as much as possible) - mentally too. When I started talking seriously to a few folks... they said, you don't need that. At 220 - 5' 2" - it's miserable for me. I was on my way to a size 22/24 and it started hurting me - mentally & physically. I didn't say much - just smiled and sometimes I say a little something to my husband.

While at our jobs insurance fair two months ago, I was asking our 'outside' insurance rep for the job if adjustments were covered (I told her I had the surgery-but my coworkers didn't know.. so I was whispering). She said, girl - you didn't need to do that.. do like me - I just lost 5 lbs by watching what eat, etc. I told her I've lost that 5 plus 45 and have found them and more, over & over again. I was angry with her - but I didnt let her know that. I just smiled and walked away. We never know anyones inner struggles.

BTW: At 190 - I feel a whole lot better already (inside & out).

Good Luck

Thanks you two for your opinions, I appreciate and respect you for offering them.

My issue is not with discrimination, I am not crying anything. My issue is soley with his reasonings for proceeding with this entire process. With a BMI under 28, he is definitely not a candidate in the US, and I honestly think that is for a reason. My boss and I have talked at length, and it is soley because he is a snacker. Period. He noshes all day long, and feels that he can not stop. He feels that the band will correct him when he goes wrong, and we all know that it is so much more than that.

I understand and respect his struggles, because weight issues are so individual. We all have our crosses to bear, and I do not judge him for his. That does not mean that I am obligated to agree with him. Please do not judge me for feeling that he is taking the wrong path. I merely posted my feelings here looking for feedback, not judgement. Thanks all!

Lisa when I went to the Dr to get my band I asked him to help me justify getting this surgery because although I just needed that justification. Sure my vanity wanted me to look better, doesn't everyone deep down? Most importantly I wanted to get healthy and stay healthy. My Dr asked me how much weight I was gaining a year and I answered 10 pounds. He told me that by the time I am 50 years old I could be 350 or more. That was a huge wake up call for me. He told me the surgery would be preventative for me and that I should go ahead with the surgery to keep me from getting any bigger. Maybe your boss has been putting on weight and wants to keep himself from getting any bigger. Please don't judge his motives as this is a very personal choice for almost everyone. I am not trying to be mean but let him make his own choice as you have made yours. It may not make much sense to you for him to do this but it's his life.

Thank you for your input Jaymie, I totally understand that this is a personal choice. I know for a fact that a few people in my life feel that I have made a mistake, and judge me for it. I am trying to be as accepting as possible with my boss, I really am. I just went thru so much to get my surgery, and he makes a decision, a quick phone call, and now he gets the Band. He is a thin man. I know I am not supposed to judge, which is why I think I posted here for guidance to begin with. Yeah, I resent him a bit. But, it is what it is I guess.............

Please do not judge me for feeling that he is taking the wrong path. I merely posted my feelings here looking for feedback, not judgement. Thanks all!

OK, I'm sorry for the harshness of my comments, but do stop and examine your own feelings. Your own thread is teeming with judgement of him. You call him vain and narcissistic and are petulant that he's taken what is an important surgery to you and somehow trivialised it. It actually struck me as a really nasty thread.

Really, all that should concern you is YOUR journey. I'm a bit mystified as to why you'd waste the mental energy on resenting other people for theirs. Its not a competition between you and him, but it seems that on some level, you've seen it as such.

So in the spirit of feedback rather than judgement you asked how to get past it, I would say, why would you need to? Its none of your business. You have your band, he cant threaten that, you have the potential to make the most of your weight loss and whatever he does is irrelevant. So relax and enjoy YOUR journey.

I can see both sides here, although I have to agree with Jachut.

But if he thinks it will help with the snacking, I think he will be proved wrong. Because as I have found, and many of you have found as well, junk food goes down really well.

His BMI is not that high now, but who's to say it won't get higher without the band? Maybe he is doing it in order to prevent getting bigger and getting health problems. I can't say I blame him. If I could have gotten it sooner in order to keep me from getting to 255 pounds I would have.

I would have a problem with this too, though I'm not exactly sure why. I think Jachut and the others made some excellent points that make a great deal of sense to me, but...I don't know. I get a sense that you don't think your boss is a very nice person anyway; I probably wouldn't look as kindly on a situation like this if I didn't like the person, either. It does sound like HE may be a bit judgmental or at least insensitive, if he's acting like a bit of weight gain and stretch marks make his life less worthwhile. But...there could be things going on that he's not saying. Good luck dealing with this. I would be very conflicted too in your situation.

I'm with L12 on this one. It bothers me a bit too. I think the bit about the stretch marks and not wanting to ever be fat. Like fat people are worthless and flawed. Those are hurtful remarks for someone that is sensitive (like me!). If he had said his reasons were health related and not purely vanity, then it would be different. Then again, who cares? We've all got our issues.

I'm glad to see with these responses that there are more people like me - on the "lighter" side (for once to be on the lighter side of anything). My BMI is 35. I guess I need the validation that it's okay to nip this weight thing in the bud before I get bigger.