Do you find that people react differently to you since you've lost weight? Perhaps they were one way to you prior to your band surgery and now they act differently towards you?

Is it them or you? really, my therapist made me stop and think of this. She asked if it was really me acting diff because I'm now more assertive and respectful of myself!

I honestly think it goes both ways...others and myself.

Acquaintances, friends and family treat me almost the same . . . afterall, my weight didn't define me as a person. However, they have noticed that I am a little more outgoing and self-confident than before. These are the people I care about so I would say, almost no difference.

Strangers treat me more differently than before, especially men but even women are a little different. However, because they don't really impact my life it doesn't seem to really make a difference to me.

People are now more likely to approach me now or even flirt. I must look more approachable than before for some reason.

Do you find that people react differently to you since you've lost weight? Perhaps they were one way to you prior to your band surgery and now they act differently towards you?

Well, what about you, Becky? Are you noticing a difference as well? You are pretty far along in your journey as well.

I feel more social and outgoing, so people I've never met usually respond to me positively. As far as family is concerned, they have been really supportive, so I would have to say no change there (other than they are happy about the success of the band).

I have found co-workers reacting in a very interesting way. Some positive and some not so positive. Some of my friends have reacted in a very interesting way as well. Some are really thrilled and supportive and are very complimentary, whereas others are reacting a bit strangely.

I guess the circumstances that made me think about this, was before I was banded (and lost weight) one of the maintenance guys who work in my office building was always cordial and nice, but now when I see him he is very friendly and talkative and likes to kid around. I didn't see that side of him 75 lbs. ago. I just thought it was interesting.

I really like to see how other people have responded to those of us who are banded and who are continuing on this journey. Personal interaction is always fascinating!

Hi NeverB4,

I would have to agree with your therapist and I think that's an excellent point. I think as we lose weight, our (true?) personalities come out and we evolve as our bodies change.

Which makes us react to people differently and then they react to us differently.

I do know that now I'm less likely to find myself being taken advantage of (which happened with my permission before), and I'm saying 'no' more often. That too can result in a change in how people react to me. I'm not being aggressive about it, just less likely to try to be the 'people pleaser' I've spent the last 20 years being (if that makes sense).

I have been thin, obese, now normal size. When I would be shopping(obese)I would never get help with doors or offered to help with anything in stores. Now, and when I was thin(younger)I never had to open a door, and have been offered by strangers(usually men) to help get something or carry something for me. I have always dressed well, even when heavy, and I can say that in higher end stores and jewelry stores I get helped immediately now when I walk in the door, which was not the case when I was obese. I have walked in both shoes and I can honestly say that I believe obese people get treated differently. And for that reason it effects your self esteem, and for that reason you become less assertive and confident. It doesn't take everyone to treat you poorly to effect you, it only takes one, that's the one we always remember. But on the other hand when we have confidence in ourselves heavy or not, that one person doesn't bother us anymore. I love this question! Can't wait to read more thoughts on it!

oh yes....no longer am i fat bit@* when I honk my car horn, I'm just a bit@$!

But seriously, I get alot of hello's and good mornings at work and on my way to work now- and for an large ad agency in NYC it's strange. I used to see the same people almost everyday for three years and only NOW do they speak. I used to say good morning and they (didn't hear me--yeah right).

Is it them or you? really, my therapist made me stop and think of this. She asked if it was really me acting diff because I'm now more assertive and respectful of myself!

I honestly think it goes both ways...others and myself.

I agree! I noticed I feel more confident and I that is with a 25 pound weight loss so far. I suspect once all me excess weight is off, my confidence is going to soar.

nume, that's exactly the kind of thing I'm running into with my coworkers as well. Some people speak to me now, whereas before I was invisible.

Funny how losing weight makes you more 'visible'

Yes... I am treated much differently than before. my friend Julie and I were shopping in Ann Taylor. Pre-op, and even in the size 14 range, I was invisible to sales people. But now, in the size 8/10 range, I had salespeople hovering on top of me as I tried clothing on. It is an interesting perspective to have... Shows how shallow people are, really.

I am the "I have not noticed vote." I really have not - but I am not at goal yet either. I am down by 52 lbs. at this point and feel the same. But I never realized in my head that I weighted as much as I did. When I see pics of me I can't believe I weighed that much. Now I look "normal" to me in pictures and such but I have almost always hovered around a size 12 or 14. We will see what the world looks like at a 8 or 10.

The them or you point is interesting and I think there's a bit of truth to it. Whenever you feel defensive, you feel that others are directing a certain behaviour towards you when in fact they may not be.

However, it is my *perception* that I have been treated differently since losing weight. And not in a good way. At a BMI of 36 I was the same as most people around me. Fat enough to be not a threat to anyone else - not gross, but not attractive, not eye candy for anyone's husbands, not better or worse dressed than anyone else, I fit right into the crowd.

Now, I'm no supermodel or beauty queen, but the kind of shape people are in these days, to be normal weight and fit, makes you stand out in a crowd. I feel jealousy, suspician and heaps of those "oh, but YOU dont need to worry about that" kind of comments. I feel I cant join conversations about clothes, weight etc without feeling like the thin girl trying to fish for complements. I get *looked* at nastily for want of a better word, you know when someone eyes you up and down as you walk past? Women do that to me all the time.

I dont notice it at uni, I'm there with so many young gorgeous things, but amongst my own age group, its a bit disconcerting.

I never ever felt ANY discrimination when I was overweight, probably because I was just overweight enough to be like everyone else, without being unusually fat.

Hi Jacqui,

It sounds like you're not invisible anymore. I know when I was heavier, the owners of my company would avoid me in the hallway like they were afraid whatever I had was catching and they'd get it too. Now they are quite charming and nice to me.

Sometimes I wonder if they realize I'm that same person...

First off there have been actual studies done that show that fat people get promoted less and in general get paid less then their thin counterparts. Personally I can tell you that I am a naturally outgoing and smiley person. I just smile at people for the heck of it and it seems to get a good reaction. I only shop at Women's clothing stores because I am a size 24, down from a size 26, and heading downward so I don't deal with that issue. I can tell you one thing though from past experience when I was younger and both fat and then thin that fat women are not even looked at by men unless it is to yell out their car windows letting you know that you are fat. As if you didn't already know this. When I was younger and fat I had no boyfriends and no dates. When I lost weight and got down to a size 10. I was suddenly innundated with dates. Men I had worked with for over a year suddenly started flirting with me and asking me out. I was miss popularity. One even admitted to me that it was because I had lost weight. As soon as I gained the weight back I was single again. On another note I have noticed something else that I find hilarious. I have a friend who is normal size and very pretty. She ia s sweety and doesn't mean any harm but ever since I got banded she has been trying to feed me every time I go over to her house. She keeps asking me if I want something to eat. She is so funny. She doesn't even realize what she is doing but I can see it. She is worried that I will lose weight and become competition. When ever we go out she is the one who gets all the looks from guys and she eats it up. If I lose too much weight she will not be the only one and subconsiously I think she has realized it. So she is trying to feed me and keep me fat. I love her to death, but I just say no when she tries to feed me. I will never be true competition for her nor do I want to. But I will get down to my goal weight and I will get some men looking. That she will just have to deal with.

Is it them or you? really, my therapist made me stop and think of this. She asked if it was really me acting diff because I'm now more assertive and respectful of myself!

I honestly think it goes both ways...others and myself.

My therapist said the same thing to me and it kind of annoyed me because I have always been assertive and I think objectively speaking it is other people's treatment of me that is different. My therapist is thin and I don't think he completely gets it.