and I am having a really hard time wrapping my mind around it: I look like a normal average person. I dont look sloppy. I have no food stains on my shirt. I can get up early and make it through the day. I dont ache all over. I dont have to wear fat people clothes. I dont recognize myself in the mirror anymore. LOL. The moment came yesterday when I was standing outside in front of our big window and I caught my reflection and I had to blink, it was really me. that normal size person was me. I have been so focused on being so close to goal that I forgot to look at myself. I am not fat anymore and I can hardly believe it.

Lol, I've gotten around this by just obsessing as much as ever over my now (almost nonexistent) faults.

Now I worry about my tiny muffin top, my saggy boobs, my old lady ass. I worry about my wrinkles, the bags under my eyes, my grey hairs. It keeps me on my toes, always wanting to improve and believing that once I get those cosmetic fillers, life will be perfect lol.

Sigh.

then I see a photo or catch a reflection and am blown away. I may not be a supermodel, but sheesh, I look totally and utterly normal. No, better since most 40 year olds I know have had a couple of babies and gone to pot, everyone is overweight these days! There's hardly anyone around my age who looks thin and fit.

My problem is I hang with the wrong crowd. Being a university student at 41 means I spend my days with gorgeous 21 year old creatures. I just need to hang around people my own age.