First let me say I'm 50 years old, a mother of an 11 year old and a widow. My husband died 4 years ago at the age of 41 (he was obese). I'm scared to death of making this decision to go for lap band, you'd think it would be a no brainer, but it isn't. I have told only a couple of people that I'm thinking about doing it. I'm 250 lbs, bmi is 43 and I've tried many of the diets around. My fear is what if I fail and put myself in a bad place physically. I need to be healthy to do my job so I can support my daughter. I just need some words of encouragement. I'm also worried about how do you know if you'll be successful vs. cheat and eat some of the foods that will pass through. Any words of wisdom?

Pat

You have all the motivation you need! Your beautiful 11 year old daughter. Congrats for taking the time to do research.

At my doc's seminar, he raised his hand about 3 feet from the floor and said, "here is your risk of lapband surgery." Then he raised it about 5 feet from the floor and said, "here is your risk of gastric bypass." Then he raised his hand up as far as he could over his head and said, "here is your risk if you do nothing."

That was an ephipany for me.

Will you cheat? Only you know you. I did not cheat. I was done with being the fat girl. The fat had cost me too much...and I'm not talking money. The fat shadowed every aspect of my life. EVERY one! My mantra was, "who am I kidding?" I could have a heart attack or stroke or get diabetes. Should I wait for that to happen and then do something--if I survive?

What do you think your beloved husband would tell you?

I won't tell you it is easy, I will tell you that I have NOT struggled. The surgery was more discomfort than pain (the only pain was I was a self pay). I am always prepared (grocery shopping wise) to make good choices in eating and I do exercise (which I have come to love...???who thought THAT would ever happen). I have followed the band rules, but I have experienced sliming and PB--I had to learn my limits. And yes, you do have to be aware and conscious about this new lifestyle...it is not a diet. But I was DONE with the way it was. The lapband was not suffering---I was already suffering with the weight. Going through the surgery, the hunger at times, the choice to say no to some foods---that is the REWARD.

And so is how I now feel. I have gone from 217 to 160 in 4 months. No BP or Cholesterol meds. No chafing. No heavy breathing. I even run with my dog. I get lots of "You look good," to which I answer, "I FEEL good." I am proud of myself and plan to live a long life. You?

Won't it be fun to one day get down on the floor and play with your grandchildren?

Wishing you well,

Judy

Wow I can totally understand where you are coming from. I'm a single mom myself and kept wondering the whole time if I'm making the right decision for my girls. Needless to say I'm glad I have the surgery and I know I made the right decision for me. Talk to your doctor about it mine was very supportive and said the risk is very minimal compared to being able to be around for my kids longer for me it was a no brainer. Everyone is different though so I would say take your time and weigh all of your options! Good luck!

I agree it is a very scary decision to make, but compared to the alternatives it was an easy one for me. I think cheating is a fear everyone has, mine is still there. Do I cheat? NO I have found that is just is not worth it. I don't want to go back to what I was, I think if you make the commitment, you will really change your life. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. This is a way of life that is completely different from what you are doing now.

I never have regretted it, only that I didn't do it sooner.

Jb,

That was the BEST post. You are so right. I KNOW at 37 years old that this weight issue is to much for me. I did lose a significant amount of weight before I had my son only to gain it back plus a whole lot more! I can't wait for the day until I can get my band and start being healthy. I have a 7-year-old whom I adore so much. Even though I am fortunate not to have diabetes, I do have hypoglycemia and PCOS and can tell my joints are suffering a great deal by being this heavy. I am READY for this change.

I just had to say that was a very motivating post. Thank you!

Thank you for your kind words. Happy to help.

Your 7 year old deserves the BEST that life has to offer. I know you would swim rivers and climb mountains to do whatever you have to for him to have a great life.

And that life begins with a healthy and happy mommy.

I repeat, won't it be fun to get down on the floor and play with your grandchildren one day? Picture your child, now a grown man, watching you play with the grandbabies, so grateful that you took care of yourself.

As great as all this is--do it for YOU!

Send me a private message if you want to talk.....

"Aunt" Judy

I want to thank each of you for your words of wisdom, they are so much appreciated. I have a supportive doctor and meet with her this week, thank you for your kind and thoughtful remarks. I know each of you have gone on your own journeys and have made your own decisions. I will make mine soon. I can only dream of being around to hold my grandchildren and to be a great example for my daughter today! I can't foresee all the health problems that are ahead if I don't do something, but I know they're there.

Pat

dear showmepat - I can identify with you. I became a widow 3 years ago at age 54. My husband died of cancer. He was not obese. I had been diagnosed with breast cancer the year before he was diagnosed. So we were both battling cancer at the same time. I am alone now since both my children got married last year. I have intractable back pain that often makes it impossible to do things I have to do by myself. This banding is my last chance to get my weight to a normal weight with the hopes that it will help my back. You need to make this decision for yourself and to help you get to a healthy weight so you can be there for your young daughter. As for cheating. We're not monks. I am sure everyone has something they shouldn't once in awhile. But establishing healthy eating habits is what this is all about. And limiting capacity. Good luck to you. I wish you well. I know the heartache of losing a husband so you have my sympathy.

Thanks Cleo's mom, I appreciate knowing there's someone else out there dealing with this decision also. I'm sorry your husband died, I know it's hard and lonely each day. Some days just float into the next. I wish you the very best on your journey.