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depressed as nothing changes



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I go back to the doc Sept. 23rd for a fill under flouro because my port is shifting. I have lost no more weight but haven't gained either. I am just feeling sorry for myself. Problem with that is, that I am the encourager of those I talk to. I should know better. I know that things may probably get better in time and keep up working on myself but these days, it's hard to keep your chin up. I'm hoping for brighter days ahead.

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Girlfriend I so get it, hang in there. I just lost 6 lbs but hadn't loss anything since January. I had to get the right fill level, join Weight Watchers and just try harder. You can do it, I believe in you.

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My port is shifting too, even though my doctor says it cant be shifting, he stitched it under two inches of fat.

I am getting filled (I hope if they can get to the port) tomorrow under fluro to look at the port.

I woke up one night and knew the port had moved and immediately felt for it ..... and there it was. Wasnt there before so I could just feel the edges of it.

Im feeling like tomorrow will never get here so I know whats up and if its turned too much or what. The fill doctor Im seeing, only does fills every other Sat in one of two cities, so I have been waiting since last week to go see her.... Tomorrow is finally almost here so I will know.

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Thank you all for the kind responses. Encouragement always takes you farther than a chocolate donut ever could. I find out on Sept 23rd about fixing my port or just doing fills in this awkward manner for a while. The doc is currently having to "search" for the opening whenever I need a fill. Ouchy....dig and repoke. I'm tough though...:)

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Just curious as I seem to have a loose port too. Is your fill doctor doing the fills under fluor?? I thought thats what fluor did, was show the port so the doctor didnt have to prod and poke.

My fill doctor says even if the port turned 90 degrees, she can still get to it, even if its a little harder that way.

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Oh man- I needed this post! I am so discouraged because I haven’t lost any weight since Feb. UGH. I am so down sometimes that I won't even come on LBT, because I don't want to see how good other people are doing, and what a failure I have become. (Wow that feels so good to type that out loud. It feels so doomed when you keep things bottled up inside, and they eat at you until you feel empty.) Well two days ago I decided that I have to do something about this. There is no turning back, I am moving on with my exercise, eating, and staying in contact. (No more shame.) My goal is to lose 3 pounds. Has anyone ever had such a tiny goal before? Maybe not but it will be mine. Thanks for letting me ramble on. (Oh jeeze I am crying right now...see what a heavy “weight” can do to you.)<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

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I have to go under x-ray to find out how much my port has turned. Normally, doc just fills in office by feeling around. It hasn't been easy to find my port to last two fills.

Amy..I understand..boy do I understand about the same for me. And I haven't felt like coming to LBT for the same reason. I take it personal that I (or my band) are failing. Who feels like ever sharing that kind of news...? But I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone. Good Luck to all...

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I think I asked above, why are you doing x-ray instead of fluor. The doctor should be able to see the port under fluro too. I dont understand why he is feeling around, doesnt he have fluro in his office or access to it.

I had fluro yesterday and you can see everything, the port, the band around my stomach, the barium going down thru the lapband into my stomach (gross).

You could see the port quite clearly.

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Oh man- I needed this post! I am so discouraged because I haven’t lost any weight since Feb. UGH. I am so down sometimes that I won't even come on LBT, because I don't want to see how good other people are doing, and what a failure I have become. (Wow that feels so good to type that out loud. It feels so doomed when you keep things bottled up inside, and they eat at you until you feel empty.) Well two days ago I decided that I have to do something about this. There is no turning back, I am moving on with my exercise, eating, and staying in contact. (No more shame.) My goal is to lose 3 pounds. Has anyone ever had such a tiny goal before? Maybe not but it will be mine. Thanks for letting me ramble on. (Oh jeeze I am crying right now...see what a heavy “weight” can do to you.)<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

Amy, I know how you feel. I keep fighting to lose the same 2-3 lbs over and over. I have set myself a small goal to have those 3 lbs gone by next thursday when I go in for yet another fill. Maybe this one will be the one that gives me restriction. I haven't seen it happen yet. I think its great to make small goals. Easier to focus and tell yourself you can do this small thing. Then when you do it, its wonderful and makes you want to set another small goal. Baby steps work. If i focused on my goal to lose 75 lbs, i would never get there. But by taking small steps, we can do it. I do this with exercising too. Don't focus on getting all around the walking trail....I just tell myself to make it to the next turn or the next tree, then set another goal. Dang thing about our trail, its a loop so I have to go all the way around to get back to my car! lol Hang in there!:thumbup:

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I think I asked above, why are you doing x-ray instead of fluor. The doctor should be able to see the port under fluro too. I dont understand why he is feeling around, doesnt he have fluro in his office or access to it.

I had fluro yesterday and you can see everything, the port, the band around my stomach, the barium going down thru the lapband into my stomach (gross).

You could see the port quite clearly.

My doc doesn't do flouro in the office. I must go to the local hospital for him to provide flouro and/or x-ray and he does it there. I am just hoping Sept 23rd with be a good day for me and my band.:blush:

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
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