ok, maybe it's the preggo hormones in overdrive but i received the following email from my sister:

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I am sending out invitations tomorrow, but b/c i am behind, as usual, just wanted to give you a heads up on the date:

**** Aug ****. **pm

******** in ******

******* is registered at Toys R Us .com just search his name.

Like i said, i am hoping i get a lunch tomorrow and can get them out!!

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this went to our entire extended family and friends (had probably 25-30 recipients...)

WTF????? i've never heard of this. i mean yeah, he's my Godson so duh, i'm going to get him something, but everything on his list is $50+ !!

i dont even know where to begin to respond to her email.

Mini-Mac wants an iPhone. Mini-Mac whines "it's not fair" when she is told she is not getting one. If she keeps whining, she's told we can always take the phone she has away. That shuts her up pretty quick.

I've got a great idea, instead of picking something from the Toys R Us registry, pay for an etiquette expert to go to the family home and teach the entire family some etiquette. It will be an expensive gift on your part, but I suspect it will be money well spent!

It's happened to us. Our nephew registered at Wal Mart for Christmas one year.

What drives me nuts if they give us a "list" for Christmas or b-day and then buy him everything on it so that if we buy something from the list, it's been doubled and they have to return our gift. I make them do it. I refuse! It stinks for a little kid who is so excited to open his gifts and then it's something he just opened 2 hours earlier!

What I've done so far for our DD is, if they (family) want a list, I will give them one. I will also give a different list to different people so stuff doesn't get doubled up. Or if we're buying something (like her kitchen for her b-day), we let them know in case they want to chip in or buy accessories for it. BUT that's only AFTER they've asked what we're doing for her and what do we need/want or what can they do!

We're trying to keep things at a minimum for her and not much in the way of electronics (NO video games!). For her 2nd b-day party in May we did the "no gifts please" thing. She still got a few things and some money that went into her account. She really doesn't need much. If she needs clothes I tell the grandmas when/if they ask or like I said earlier, the bigger gift/chip in kind of thing IF they ask. Otherwise, everyone knows we're trying to keep the toy thing minimal and tend to abide by it.

My BIL's wife is the one you have to watch. For DD's first Christmas (7 months old) she bought her a doll that DD couldn't play with for another year (18 months or older!)! It sat in the LR, in the box, until DD was old enough to play with it and she hardly touches the thing, unless it's to beat it up or throw it. The evil part of me purposely left it in the box in the LR (so everyone could see it when they were over) and thinks it's funny that DD won't play with it. The wife was SO excited about the dumb thing! She's the type to think she's the perfect ... whatever and she pays more attention to my DD than she does to her own son, which TICKS us off. Thank goodness they live an hour away and don't see them often. Although we love our nephew and the BIL is great, there's a whole slew of issues with the wife.

Anyway, I think the whole gift/party/whatever is getting out of hand. HAS gotten out of hand. We try to keep the party stuff minimal. We DO NOT give out gift bags (puuuleeezzzeee!) at the party. We were going to do her last b-day party at the park so the kids could play but we got rained out and ended up at the house but we are involved now with soccertots and they have an indoor arena/play area that we could have her party at next year and that would be fun. How original! Cake, ice cream, friends and PLAYING!! WooHoo!!

B'day parties were out of hand when MacBoy was a kid. And he's 16 now.

Everybody asks what the kids want for Christmas or birthdays and I tell them. I am glad they ask because there are a lot of things we don't allow (toy guns, certain dolls, etc). I will tell different people different things to minimize duplicates and later returns. I never suggest things that are too much or hard to find or whatever. What I hate is when people (my mother in law) don't listen and buy whatever they want--why ask if you aren't going to take my suggestions? THEN, at whatever event, despite my protests they help the kids open up the package. I will return things that aren't appropriate or allowed so I get so annoyed when they let the kids open things and I can't take it back. My kids have WAY too many toys so I often ask for clothes for them. My mother will give them money in those cases and I will buy the clothes. My MIL will not buy clothes because they aren't fun.

If she doesn't think clothes are fun, she hasn't met Mini-Mac.

LOL My DD loves clothes, shoes, accessories. She loves to shop too. She's such a girly girl.

I am gonna get flamed for sure.........

When I buy a gift for my goddaughter or any other child, I am buying something that I want to give to the child. It may be a toy or game that I enjoyed as a child, it may be something weird and new that is not on the list because they've never heard of it, maybe something from a different country, something that will inspire, something that will unleash creativity...........I once bought a camping chair for my niece, (so she could open something) but the real gift was a camping weekend for the 2 of us.

I will not buy things that parents say the child NEEDS. If you are the parent, it is your job to by your children what they need.

OK rant over...........really bugs me that the word GIFT has lost its meaning in todays society

If my mother in law put 1/10th of the effort into gift giving that you describe, Michee, I wouldn't dare return a gift. But the fact is, with her, she will buy a whole load of crap out of a clearance bin rather than consider what the kids really want. Then the crap sits in my house forever until it is finally thrown away without being played with.

One problem with gifts for my children is that my 7 year old is on the Autism spectrum. His social skills aren't exactly up to par and until recently, he didn't understand that gifts will come from mommy and daddy, and grandma and grandpa, and others. So if he opens up something from say, my MIL and she has decided to buy him something that doesn't fit with his interests (which are really obsessions), he would have a meltdown. Besides, why spend money on something that the child doesn't even like? When I buy gifts for other people's children, I find out wht the child likes, what their interests are, etc., and I buy accordingly. The gift isn't for me, it's for the child.

I don't see anything wrong with a parent giving suggestions especially when asked or a child making a list. I think the registry thing is strange, especially including the information in a party invitation and when all of the items are so pricey.

Crikey! (to use a colloquialism). I even get my nose out of joint at wedding registries. Like my g/friend getting married next month, all they've got is contributions at a travel agency. They've got stuff, they've been living together, they've both been married before. They're not even insisting that that's ALL they want, they're happy for you to buy a gift you've thought of yourself. I just keep thinking, what if I put $200 into the travel registry and only a couple of other people do the same. They've not got enough then for a holiday and my $200 just sits there uselss for however long until they've got the money to add to it. Or friends that dont want to ask for expensive presents so put tons of $20 crap on their registry and there's nothing there to buy as a big group present, or anything that costs even remotely as much as the price per head for each guest (which, etiquette dictates, is about how much you spend on the pressie).

But birthday parties? Sheesh. I'd buy him a $5 huge lollypop just to really piss his parents off. That would really annoy me. Birthday parties are out of control these days, we really feel the pressure with our kids. I got one or two in my entire childhood, they want bigger and better every year. We have a rule $300 per birthday (older kids). That means big party and that's all. Or small party and reasonable amount for presents. Or no party and a really good present, like a DS and a game or two. Their choice. But I aint doing parties and big presents!

Eliza's had one birthday party, she's five. Before that she had no friends, lol. She got tons of cheap crap that got thrown away a month later. Which is exactly as it should be because that mean that every mother took her daughter to choose Eliza's present and they chose the most beautiful sparkly things that five year old hearts desire. Where's the fun if they're told what to buy? For a kid buying the present for a friend is special.

With my daughter, it was fairly easy, she was born the end of November, so we always combined family celebrating her birthday with Thanksgiving. It has actually been on Thanksgiving Day a few times----well every few years it rolls around. We would bake a cake to have along with all the pies, and the family celebrated then. We had the usual 1st birthday cake for her that she got to eat with her own hands---a small version of a bigger cake---but it was just the family and friends that gathered for the holiday anyway!

We did it that way until she turned 4---and had attended several other kids parties and wanted her own! So she was allowed to have a tea party birthday party and invite 4 friends. For her 5th birthday we went to a local fast food party place---and she had 5 friends! One friend for every year. We stuck to that rule until she decided, a sleepover was what she wanted----and we went back to 4-5 girls, and that was IT!!!

We never had the clowns and the big huge party favor themed parties!

Then when DH and I married, I had a birthday in Sept., one in Oct., and hers in Nov. it was steady!!! So we could NOT go overboard crazy!!!

Our kids are still not greedy people. My DIL likes to have the HUGE parties. My grandson turned 2 in March, and she rented a room at a local restaurant, had 3 big transformer cakes, and close to 50 people there!!! It was chaos, we didn't enjoy it, neither did he for that matter. There have been divorces, and remarriages on both sides, so exes were everywhere you looked---it was silly and unnecessary. They live in a small home, and were inundated with gifts, too many clothes to wear before he outgrew them, and little cars, he would never have time to play with them all.

DD has a child born 2 days after her own birthday----so she just does it like was done with her----celebrates on Thanksgiving. Wonder if she planned that??!!!

Kat

It is my youngest granddaughter's birthday next week and I have to admit, I do the doting grandmother thing and usually buy a big present. This year, I'm hiring a pony for the party (with her mother's permission, of course). Yeah I know, only spoiled brats get ponies on their birthdays but this is something I've always wanted to do. I'm really looking forward to it but I am pretty sure that some of the mums of the other kids there are going to be sending daggers my way, for inspiring their kids to ask for the same...oops :crying:

People always ask me what my kids want so they have wish lists I can send to people when they ask. But you should never include it in an invitation. That's bad manners.

I agree, it's one thing to ask the parents if there is something specific the kid wants but to send out a Registry for Birthday's or Christmas or anything of the sort is ridiculous and embarrassing.

I'll be honest - I do the Christmas Toys 'R Us list every year. My parents live out of town and visit only a few times a year, so they really don't know or remember the toys/clothes my girls have. I register the girls every year there and they go to a store in their town and buy them a few toys from that. It is their "Santa List". They will have a couple of toys from them and a few from Santa they give us beforehand (which we've asked them to stop doing - but they won't). When the girls were younger we had money problems and couldn't afford to get the kids much - they helped us out in the early years so the kids would have a few things under the tree - that's when the "Santa List" started. It is what they prefer now.

As for the birthday list - no. Our kids expect too much as well. They go to other birthday parties that are absolutely outrageous! They expect he same thing. My eldest DD turned 8 yesterday. She wanted her birthday at the fun park - that is $250. There is no way I'm paying $250 for a party!! No Way!! Then she wanted to rent a Water slide!! That is $200 for 1/2 a day. She's lost her little mind. I told her we'd have some of her friends over and cookout and I'd bake a cake. I'm now being cheap and she won't be as cool as the other kids. Tough sh**! Some neighborhood kids were over yesterday and one I didn't know comes out of DD's room with DD's clothes on and asks if she can wear that to the birthday party. I told her to march right back and get her clothes back on. She hadn't even been invited - I had no idea who this child was. I asked who she was and who her mom was and then proceeded to tell her to go home. WTF? Rude little kids!!! Her friend asked if she could spend the night. I just sat there dumbstruke and said NO. She said, "Why not?" I told her she needed to go home, both of them needed to go home.

I asked my kids who these girls were and why they were at my house. They ride there bus and live a few streets over. What kind of parents to they have not to know where they are? It really p'd me off.

Sorry for my rant...I don't understand kids today.

Leslie, kudos for being "brave" enough to share that you have used these lists. Honestly I've considered it before myself. I get what the others are saying about it appearing rude or materialistic, but I get tired of having to either return duplicate presents for my son or worse like the other poster said those that I can't return as they were already opened but never get used.

We have a fairly large extended family even more so with divorces and remarriages and its hard to come up with a list that is long enough to parcel out bits and pieces to all the different people who will call and ask for ideas. Our son just doesn't need that many things. The list either ends up so small I'm practically telling each person exactly what one item to buy or I end up giving a few the same suggestions and invariably get two or even three of the same item.

Having a registry with a selection of sensibly priced items ranging from clothes, necessities to toys & educational items seems like a pretty good idea to me. Assuming the relatives are open to the idea. I don't think I would just send it out unrequested to everyone on a birthday guest list. And it wouldn't be a big deal to me if they just used it as a starting point and purchased something off the list that they though my DS would like. But it would be nice to have available for those that are always calling for ideas.

The one that burns me the most is when my MIL (who believe it or not I love) will call me up with some idea she has for a present for my son asking if I approve. But in all reality she has no intention of listening to my response and just forges ahead anyway.

For example I live in a neighborhood with no sidewalks and too much traffic for a 4 year old to play in the street even supervised and yet she insisted on buying him a big wheel for Christmas even after I gently pointed out he would have NOWHERE to ride it. So here it sits never used. Worse, my son loves the idea of it and frequently laments (OK Whines) over his not having anywhere to ride it.

UHGHH! I know she meant well but how inconsiderate is it to buy something you KNOW isn't appropriate and put the parents in the position of dealing with an upset child? I'm not saying she didn't have a good idea. It just wasn't feasable in our situation and yet she was completely unwilling to listen to reason even though she asked for our opinion before buying. Honestly that's what bugs me the most. If you have no intention of changing your mind on what you are going to buy then don't ask the parents opinion!

Oh and back to the list idea. Like I said we don't need many materialistic things, so I'm always trying to encourage the family to think outside of the box and give them suggestions of presents that you wouldn't buy in the store like a "gift" of a Picnic in the Park with Granny (or Cousin/Aunt/"Fill in the Blank") Or a day at the Zoo, or baking Cookies together. My son would get more pleasure and long term memories from any variation of the above than he would a new toy robot, pirate ship or dare I say it Game Boy.