Come out of the band failure closet!

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

I'm sorry if it came across like that. I should have said more. I think what you said, even if it was harsh, could be true for alot of people. I should have wrote himself not HIMself I apologize for being lazy. I didn't have anything to say about what you said, I could see what you were trying to say, that's why I didn't respond to it. I used you as an example, but I didn't mean it to come across like that. I just had a problem with "tell it like it is", which had your name in it. Really, no judgement here, just a problem with a phrase

I don't feel like you are uncompassionate. I don't think you should "zip it". I think you have alot to say, and I believe you were trying to help.

I am pretty satisfied with my band, it goes slower than I want, but it works for me, but I could see someone not making any real attempts then throwing there hands in the air and making claims that it just isn't working. So I'm not being defensive, I was just arguing against a phrase that someone else said, not you. It's one of those things like "Always" or "Never".

I tend to focus almost entirely on the micro, not the macro. I was making comments on individual situations, not you in particular, but I did use your name, and it's print not the spoken word (which can always be misinterpreted). Sorry if that wasn't clear. I also understand that you received a good bit of slack about what you said, so I understand your assumption that I was being scornful. I hope that this clears that up and there will be no hard feelings.

Edited May 20, 2008 by ReadySteadyGo
addition

[brandyII 9]

WCFG,

Jeese, make me a saint why don't you!!! Listen, you're a very sincere and open and kind person with their own experiences and own issues with life and lap band and no one can know what it's like to be in your shoes.

No one here wants to bash the lap band and take the good that it's doing for most people away. If it's working for you and you for it whatever that's wonderful and we all realize it's not easy for you. It's not easy for anyone but there are a few of us, not just Saint Brandy II, who have issues that are complicating their ability to lose weight on the lap band and we don't need to be labeled as people who are for example: just making excuses, don't choose to follow the plan, aren't exercising blah, blah, blah, and more blah.

There are a lot of us out there that have suffered with getting the fill right, having fills done incorrectly, etc... and that can play a roll in our weight loss in a psychological way. Weight loss/gains can be affected by our minds in many ways.

A lot of us have hormonal problems that play a part in our weight loss struggles, typical of women especially.

A lot of us have suffered with stress, anxiety and depression (chemical imbalances in our brains) and that also plays a major roll in affecting our weight loss/gain. Many are on medications that may affect this and we choose to be sane/happy/not anxious and struggle with our weight which can add to our depression/stress/anxiety and it's a vicious circle. Trust me losing weight does not necessarily equal no more depression, anxiety or stress! We wish it did!

These are things we've been struggling with prior to the band, some of us for too long, and after the band it didn't quite work out the way we had imagined. Remember not all of us joined forums prior to being banded and we all went through similar routes of "lap band knowledge". Even if we had joined prior the information from the people not losing weight and being somewhat disillusioned by their band was kind of stifled by many people who didn't want to see the lap band struggles brought out into the open for some reason. I think it's possible the fear of it happening to them but I'm not a doctor nor a saint and play neither on TV or on the lap band forum.

Anyway you are the majority of people here who are thrilled to be banded even if you have struggles you know you depend on it for your current and eventual weight loss and we wish you the best of luck with that and are very happy for you.

Do you think we would have put ourselves through this surgery if we knew in the end we would stop losing and put it back on, not lose weight, spend hours in the er vomiting our own saliva because fill mistakes. Unfortunately a lot of surgeons when they see you're not losing weight or if you're gaining will happen to go towards over-filling than under-filling and that causes a lot of problems.

Anyway all we want is a safe place to discuss, we may need a bit of hand holding once in a while, if that's what it takes to get us back on track then so be it. We want to try to work it out in an "open forum" where we don't feel like we have to hide our feelings because someone who is insecure about their lap band may want to rant on us because we may not have necessarily made the best choice but are trying the best we can anyway.

If we want to be beaten up all we have to do is look in the mirror and we can do it in our own heads, (I'm not talking voices) but maybe some of us have them too and that's OK!!

Anyway I put this thread here not to attack you WCFG but becasue I wanted to respond to your post and it was the best place to do it. I want an open forum where people don't have to "hide in the band closet" or hide in a "Social Group". I feel it takes strength and courage to admit when we've made mistakes for whatever reason and our weight has always been a thorn in our paws and we have to love ourselves whether we're fat or thin or whether we're losing or not losing weight or gaining weight.

It's not a bad thing to think that way and I know a lot of you think I'm a trouble maker, a thin person hater and want to bash the band but it's not like that. I know how hard emotionally my struggles with my weight have affected me my whole life and I can't be the only one out there that still does. Sincerely brandyII:smile2:

[brandyII 9]

I am not a HARD*SS! I am probably the most compassionate person you'll ever meet! I nursed my dying father ALONE from the time I was 14 until he died when I was 18... wondering everyday if that day (or night) was going to be his last. Wondering in my heart if he would ever even be able to see my graduate from High School. Bolting straight up from a dead sleep to his cries in the night that he couldn't breathe. That his heart was racing... that he needed nitro-gylcerin... or needed his oxygen machine cranked up.. or needed his breathing line drained because the condensation was making him feel as though he was drowining. I KNOW what pain is! I KNOW what sacrifice is! Nursing one my dearest friends in the world from the day he was diagnosed with HIV until his eventual painful haunting death of AIDS... looking at his dead body in his bed knowing that I could no longer do ANYTHING to bring him back... to give him one more day... to hold him and hug and him and tell him one more time that he was loved by me and soooo many other people.

WCFG,

It's really hard to imagine what you must have gone through as a "child" dealing with your dying father like that. My mom died when I was 14 of lung cancer which caused a brain tumor so I kind of can relate except for the fact that you had the extra anxiety of having to actually worry about "saving" your father which is even a much bigger burden on any human let alone a child!

I think I know now what made you such a special and caring person or actually that's why you were probably given and took on that burden because you were so caring and special of a person.

Anyway it take a long time to get over something like that and you deserve a big pat on the back and probably didn't have the support system you needed at the time it was going on and I too can relate to that as my father became an alcoholic during this time so it definitely made the situation much worse for me and I believe that's when I took the step of being an overweight child to an obese teenager.

Anyway I just wanted you to know again if I didn't state it plainly enough that I wasn't actually directing my last post to you personally although I brought it up on your thread because it gave me a good place to put it. I don't think anyone here wants to attack you and do enjoy your insight and your passion and enjoy reading your posts. Take care brandyII.:wink2: an East Coast Fat Gal

[BJean 16]

You know what West Coast? I am the one who said zip it. And the reason I did was because I have been in my head where it sounded like you were. I have tried to be supportive but frank when I wrote a post to someone who was whining about their band not working. But when I read Brandy's thread starter and some of the following posts, I thought this place was a little different than the usual "I was able to eat pizza and a load of bread yesterday" post. So I was defensive for everyone who had posted their heartfelt feelings on this thread and I didn't want any of them to be discouraged by having fingers pointed at them.

The fact is, what you posted generated tons of great posts, including your second post! I mean these are some of the best and most honest things I've read in a long time. So I hope you'll never pay any attention to me and never zip it West Coast! You go boy. :wink2:

[Keywestgirl 0]

Wow WCFG I am so sorry for your losses. I can honestly say I feel your pain that way. I moved in and took of my father for the last 2-3 years. Through cancer, stroke then Alzheimers until he was taken by a massive heart attack right on the kitchen floor in front of me and my 10 year old son at the end of last year. Which was a blessing in disguise that he went so quick. But no matter how much you may pray for God to take that loved one out of pain, you are never ready for that moment when they take their last breath. It took all I had not to do CPR, I felt so helpless. The minutes never went by so slowly. And my mother was also sick when I was in highschool. She was just in her 5 yr remission with breast cancer when it came back as ovarian cancer and *poof* she was gone in months. I have yet to recover from that. Time does not heal some things. I also held the hand of a young man who died of AIDS. I was there for his last breath. He was a patient of mine on and off while I did my clinicals at the hospital. It was so sad. Not one person was with him when he passed except myself. I called the nurse as the number of breaths whittled down.

My heart really does go out to you. Your right, some people will never even fathom what you have seen or experienced. All we can do is go on and draw strength from the memories of our loved ones. Kind of live each day as healthy as we can in their honor. You deserve happiness and love, we all do. So if you have a not so good day, brush it off and do your best the next. Life is so precious, we should not be sitting around wondering if we are failures but give it our best to enjoy each day we are given. You are my inspiration today WCFG, to go out and knock out my walk that I was getting ready to say forget it, because I am already tired. Thank you.:biggrin2:

[sdbeachmom 1]

I think if someone does the real homework and sees the actual statistics they will find the average weight loss-per JAMA- for the band is around 40% of their excess weight.

Reading about someone's great loss at the one/two/three year mark is not a concrete stamp on the band's effectiveness.

The five year mark is generally the point where it appears that band "failures" are prevelant.

I feel like a failure because I got to the tiny size 8, and wasnt' able to hold on to it because of massive reflux I can't keep my band filled. I am still glad for the weight I lost, but let me tell you the struggle I have now is mind blowing. Talk about one day at a time. And I had hoped all that was behind me.

I am almost 6 years banded by the way.

It might be wise to consider all methods, and look at what long term statistics are.

Failure might be in the eye of the beholder....at least we are trying right?

Cookie

[brandyII 9]

I think if someone does the real homework and sees the actual statistics they will find the average weight loss-per JAMA- for the band is around 40% of their excess weight.

Reading about someone's great loss at the one/two/three year mark is not a concrete stamp on the band's effectiveness.

The five year mark is generally the point where it appears that band "failures" are prevelant.

I feel like a failure because I got to the tiny size 8, and wasnt' able to hold on to it because of massive reflux I can't keep my band filled. I am still glad for the weight I lost, but let me tell you the struggle I have now is mind blowing. Talk about one day at a time. And I had hoped all that was behind me.

I am almost 6 years banded by the way.

It might be wise to consider all methods, and look at what long term statistics are.

Failure might be in the eye of the beholder....at least we are trying right?

Cookie

Sorry to hear that SDBeachMom,

I've never had the reflux problem a lot of people have but know too well what it's like to get down to a small size and put it back on. To me it's more devastating than never having lost it at all because you were there and got to "taste" thin, and then you have to deal with all the people in your life who wonder or say how could you go back to that size again and they obviously have no clue whatsoever of what a real struggle it is.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just fooling myself thinking I'm actually going to get this to work. But I walked today on the treadmill and that in itself made me feel better and everyday I deal with my band failure, although no one likes to hear it called that but what am I to say "my failure", I'm trying to be specific, I could have many failures going on at the same time, who knows!!

But anyway I don't know your whole story about if you've gained it back or just are at a standstill for now but good luck with whatever you choose to do and this is a good start for talking it out, it's been keeping me from jumping off a bridge, brandyII.

[sdbeachmom 1]

this is a good start for talking it out, it's been keeping me from jumping off a bridge, brandyII.

__________________

Boy, Brandy are you so right. Sometimes it's a minute at a time to keep from being so depressed. Sometimes I eat and think and feel like I did before I got my band.

Thanks for your thoughts

Cookie

Banded almost 6 years

[brandyII 9]

SDBM,

Well it may seem like we're alone out there but we're not. There are plenty more of us who have issues they're just not always comfortable coming out about it. Maybe if they were they'd be able to get more help to turn things around. brandyII.

[sdbeachmom 1]

Can someone tell me how to add the ticker at the bottom? I see how to make it, just don't know where to put it in.

Thank you

[MyTurn 4]

sdbeachmom, Me too. i'd love to put a ticker tape on my posts!!

[PattiU 1]

I was banded Aug 2005 . Through my own fault I lost some weight and gained some back. I fight the same 5 pounds up and down all the time. I must go and get a fill, and I am totally ashamed to go back to the doctor.

So I had lost 23 and now went back up almost 10. I need to go back, start exercising, go to support group and get back on the ball. I am a failure. I need support and help.

Patti

[brandyII 9]

Can someone tell me how to add the ticker at the bottom? I see how to make it, just don't know where to put it in.

Thank you

Go to "tickerfactory.com" and there should be instructions. Of course I depend on my husband or kids for computer help but I think there should be something instructional there.

[brandyII 9]

I was banded Aug 2005 . Through my own fault I lost some weight and gained some back. I fight the same 5 pounds up and down all the time. I must go and get a fill, and I am totally ashamed to go back to the doctor.

So I had lost 23 and now went back up almost 10. I need to go back, start exercising, go to support group and get back on the ball. I am a failure. I need support and help.

Patti

Patti,

I don't think you're alone when it comes to losing weight and then it stopping and putting it back on. I've heard from several bansters who are in the same situation. I myself found that many factors kept me from losing after being banded and then I put back the 25.

Talk to your surgeon about what's going on and see how much is in your band and if adding more should be an option for you or if you're too full. Either one can sabotage your efforts.

Everyone is different but some people seem to do better with something more regimented like following Weight Watchers and they can tell you exactly how much food you can consume a day and still lose weight.

We all put ourselves through hell by our weight gain and you know what we're better than that. March into that doctor's office and say I have a problem with some weight gain let's get this thing turned around. It's your life not his/hers! Do you think you need a punishment for gaining weight, well too late you're already punishing yourself! Do you think you're the first patient your doctor has seen put on weight, no. If things continue to get worse then say to your doctor what do we do next? Be proactive with your health and good luck, and don't hate yourself, you're not a failure by all means!!!:thumbup:brandyII.

[plain 12]

sdbeachmom and MyTurn, I pm'd you on where to place the ticker