Help...

[blkshadow91 0]

Hello everyone!!! I am here in hopes of finding, HOPE, support, comfort, information and whatever else I can. I am at the worst point in my life right now. I have never ever been so heavy and so depressed in my entire life, it started about five years ago and has become increasingly worse every year. I give myself and others this analogy...I am in a massive, deep crater, I see the light (so I know there is some hope) and I feel the light, but I can't get off the bottom of the crater to do anything. I looked in the mirror today and cried!! I haven't looked in mirrors in three years and I was in utter shock!!! WHO IS THIS PERSON, L0OK WHAT I HAVE BECOME??? LOOK WHAT I LET MYSELF BECOME!!! I AM REPULSIVE TO LOOK AT, SERIOUSLY...I AM A GOOD PERSON ON THE INSIDE BUT THE OUTSIDE IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. i HAVE NEVER EVER WEIGHED THIS MUCH. I couldn't believe the person i was looking at in the mirror. just rolls and cellulite and fat everywhere and i am young. I am tired all the time, i am so depressed i just cry, have no interest in any activities and merely eek out existence everyday just going through the motions, no happiness or satisfaction in life. the only thing i look forward too is when i can go to sleep again. I want my life back, i want the person i use to be back. i want to be happy again. i have wasted so much time, YEARS. i have a surgery consult monday for the lap band. I am scared but I don't know what else to do. I have tried everything. I am trying to get things right. made a dentist appt. today since i let my teeth go to hell in this downward spiral, got cymbalta from my DR. going to make a counseling appt. but i just feel so weighed down and sad. Any advice...AM I CRAZY...i feel like it sometimes, teetering on the edge of insanity.. i am a single mom of two children, take care of them and my ill parents, lost 4 important people in the last five years and have become a whale in the process...HELP:frown::party::frown::thumbup::confused::biggrin::thumbs_down:

[mammanan 0]

Boy it sounds like you have had a rough couple of years....but.. you have already taken some huge steps ...Making a decison to get healthy and to ask for help is HUGE!!!... I can so relate with that feeling like you are in a insurrmountable rut... but you are taking all the right steps to climb out of it!!! Remember that nothing happens overnight.. meds and counselling take time to work and this lapband process can be a bit frustrating so just hang in there.....

Welcome!!!!

[cruisemissile 0]

hang in there, sounds like you've been through alot.

the sun always comes out after the rain and clouds.

[bugsbuni70 1]

My worry is my doctor won't me let me do the lapband. I fell like it's my only option .

[METALMAMA74 0]

I KNOW there are a lot of peeps out here who felt the same way you do and some probably still do. You have definitely made a step in the right direction. We are here for you, we know how you feel because we have been there too. There is much support here so don't lose hope and we are your buddies.

[kathystrick 3]

Hi and welcome to LBT!

You have taken some very important steps towards making yourself happy again, just by realizing you need help and taking the steps to get it. After you take the Cymbalta a couple of weeks, if you aren't feeling any better, call your doctor and get on something else! I went through 3 different prescriptions before I found an antidepressant that made me feel better (and didn't make me fart :biggrin:). I also had to have extensive dental work done because I did the same as you. I had forgotten how good it feels to smile.:biggrin2: But you will smile again, I promise. We were all scared at some point during this process, but eventually you reach a day where you are more excited at the progress you are making than scared of what it takes to get there. You have 2 children who depend on you and I know you want to be there for them. Take your focus off of the things that have already happened and focus on where you want to be and what you want to happen in the future.

Good luck to you! Let us know how you progress. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[kathystrick 3]

My worry is my doctor won't me let me do the lapband. I fell like it's my only option .

Why do you think your docotr would not let you do the band?

[Kat56 0]

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and to tell you that you just typed out what so many women feel so thank-you for letting "us" know that we're okay! And we're going to get better. Together.

Kat

[agreatknead 1]

Hello Blkshadow,

I recently watch a DVD of Louise Hay working with a group of aids patients and one young man said "it's time for me to stop asking what am I dying of and start focusing on what am I living for. When you look at yourself in the mirror imagine you are looking at someone else that you love. Would you be that critical or would you say "your perfect just the way you are and now you just need to get perfecter!" :biggrin: Let the meds do their work and try to shift your focus to the good things in your life. They say your energy flows where your attention goes. Beautiful children and an opportunity to turn your physical body around while you are still young. You are very blessed. We will all be here for you helping in what ever way we can but you need to do the rest and it sounds like you are. Good job.

Blessings,

Sally

[blkshadow91 0]

thank you all so very much for your responses...I cried when I read them of course, that is all i do is cry lately...I know that I truly am lucky in so many ways and I have wonderful children and a great family and things to be thankful for and than i beat myself up for still feeling depressed...like what the hell is wrong with me...WHY CAN'T I JUST DO THIS AND DO IT RIGHT AND STICK TO A DIET...I am so glad I found this site and I look forward to conversing with all of you...again from the bottom of my heart thank you...

[Frenchie1959 0]

It's going to be okay. What is wrong with you is that you are depressed. But there is nothing wrong with your character that has caused your situation. At one point in my life I could've written your op. The good news is that you've started some meds that may help. Make an effort to stop looking in the mirror and beating up on yourself. If I did that, I think I would eat even more. Do you mind if ask how old your children are? Do your parents live with you?

We're here for you.

[blkshadow91 0]

Thank you captain jack...i really do need any encouragement i can get...i did the seminar and consult last year and chickened out because i am afriad to be put "under" afraid i won't wake up...but hey when its your time its your time...and I need to do this...I NEED MY LIFE BACK, I NEED ME BACK...IAM TRAPPED IN THIS BODY, DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET OUT...you rock..

Seminar: 4/9/08 DONE

5/12/08 surger consult

Than x/ray, ekg, blood, psych, nutrionist...and surgery

really hoping it is within the next two to three months...

[blkshadow91 0]

Frenchie1959.....my children are 15 and 6 and I have a dog and two cats and my dad stays with me...my mom is still pretty independent and is married...she has unstable angina....but dad is a whole new ball game although he is fairly independent if i did not have him with me he would not take care of himself, he has several health ailments....most of all i miss the people who have passed away in the last 4 years of my life, five of them...but i know life goes on and they would not want me to feel this way...i believe i have several underlying problems besides being a grazing heffer....I love the inside, my heart, my spirit, my kindness, my compassion, my stubborness...BUT I AM NOT HAPPY WITH ME AS A WHOLE AND I CAN'T CONTINUE TO GO ON LIKE THIS...I HIDE OUT IN THE HOUSE, I DON'T GO ANYWHERE ANYMORE IN FEAR THAT SOMEONE MAY SEE ME I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS AND SAY "OH MY GOSH, LOOK HOW FAT SHE IS" throughout the past 7 years EVERY single time I have had a confrontation of any kind with anyone of Low character or intelligence or even some that think they are normal it always resorts back to the same thing..."your fat", "your a fat you know what" "how can you be hungry look how big you are"..."your bigger than me, why can't you look like your mother" you know all those great things..and I wanted those to be incentives to make me do this and get angry and instead i went the other way....boy i do need helpp.....

[Frenchie1959 0]

blkshadow, sounds like you have a lot of responsibilities but also a lot of love surrounding you. It's great that you can identify all those good traits about yourself. Where you thinner or normal weight as a child, teen, young adult? I was and am terrified of seeing people who knew me then. On the other hand, I don't like meeting new people because of my weight. But, I'm getting better and it's because of the band. I am 48 years old and have every expectation that I will live out the rest of my life without the burden of being overweight.

[zoomomma 1]

Oh, honey. I feel for you. I, too, have been in the crater. I finally decided enough was enough. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to be here for my children and their children. :thumbup:Congratualtions, you have made the first steps of many and we will all be here for you, loving you just as you are. Encouraging you as you get healthy. Praying for you and sending {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} your way.:thumbup: