Procedure might help my wife. We have been round and round and round with this nagging issue for about four years. She has been battling this issue for ten more!

<!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"/> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"/> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"/> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"/> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"/> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"/> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"/> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"/> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"/> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"/> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"/> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"/> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"/> </v:formulas> <v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"/> <o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"/> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style='width:12pt; height:12pt'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:DOCUME~1ScottLOCALS~1Tempmsohtml101clip_image001.gif" o:href="http://www.lapbandtalk.com/images/smilies/default%20smilies/frown.gif"/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--> I have been very supportive and encouraging since the get go. To further aggravate the issue I am not a MD. And I assure you all that it’s not about the looks of it! It is much more than that. And this is a WE issue for sure.

I know it bothers her to the core, makes her feel uncomfortable in her own skin and feels ashamed of the shape she is in.

These are the facts of the case AFAIK:

-Was an athlete in high school always height weight proportionate. Were 160 on a 5'6.5" frame

-At age 19 gave birth to second child 14 years ago, had complications, and was bed ridden for a few months before giving birth. This is when the weight gain started.

-Since then has been approximately 260- 280 lb till 4.5 years ago then dropped to 185 by not eating anything but lettuce and water for 6 months. (This is when I met her)

-Then the climb was back on after I met her, back up to 285 ish.

<!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1026" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style='width:15pt;height:15pt'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:DOCUME~1ScottLOCALS~1Tempmsohtml101clip_image002.gif" o:href="http://www.lapbandtalk.com/images/smilies/modern/sad.gif"/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--> -Last spring I gave her come to Jesus talk about her over all health and the weight was a part of it. And that I want her around for a long time and right now she may feel fine but it is not going to last (I know this I am older and not as bullet-proof either) <!--[endif]-->

<!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1027" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style='width:28.8pt;height:15pt'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:DOCUME~1ScottLOCALS~1Tempmsohtml101clip_image003.gif" o:href="http://www.lapbandtalk.com/images/smilies/modern/thumbup.gif"/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--> -I am a cyclist and moved to CO for the riding. I begged her to participate more on the bike with me. We started to commute to work 13 miles one way at least a few times a week and the weight loss was back on and dropped 50 pounds! (225)

-All of her blood work has come back perfect and normal, BP is fine, and the only issue is excess weight. (And nagging ankle issues related to the weight). The doctors have said that she is a specimen of health! TOTALLY FRUSTRATING!

-I have been watching her eating habits for some time now and what I am seeing is this. Eating sweets is her downfall, but not addict. Not eating for 5 or more hours is normal for her or worse yet not eating till 5 in the afternoon. I am not sure if this is as bad as I think? Or is it as simple as too much in and too little out?

It can’t be good? And if she is not eating enough calories she should lose? Is she over eating?? I am so confused I can’t tell you! Am I over analyzing everything? All I like to do is help her FIX this once for all. No more failing! Will the dietician really be the fix? I like to know. We are seeing are PCP (internist) for this issue and he is on board for the band. And the Dr. is saying 1400 calories is where she should be on a daily basis. I am thinking this better said that done.

Just getting the ducks in a row is going to be the hard part (I think). The question is what you guys and gals think?

Has your wife ever been on a structured program such as weight watchers?

If not that would be a good first step. They will teach her to eat healthy and teach her portion control.

She might just have never had to learn how to eat right because her early athletic ( active ) years allowed her to eat pretty much what she wanted. Now older and less active, how much she consumes is catching up to her.

Just a thought.

i am really not so sure that portion control is the issue. There are times that I think she might be eating too much. However the overall thing might be eating too little ... then too much? Would this make that much of a difference? Did WW and was bothered by the selling of WW extras. And bowed out. I thought that was a bs move. Just an opnion.

Scottay

Yes, WW does like to sell things, but you can go the first few weeks and get the written plan and then follow it at home. I still own ( and use) my WW scale from over 15 years ago. I weigh my portions of meat on it.

From the little information, it could be that she deprives herself and then binges. Eating a smaller portion more regularly would of course be the ideal. We all eat a little more on a holiday or vacation etc, but her daily intake should be fairly consistent.

Does she say she is ready to make a change? Because that's what it will take, her committment.

Does she say she is ready to make a change? Because that's what it will take, her committment.

Through this whole post this is what I was thinking.

Honestly? If MY husband (whom I love dearly, don't get me wrong) decided that *I* needed WLS and that HE was going to drive the process by posting here?

Sorry, but F that. This is my journey, for me. My whole life I've had people (my mom, mostly) try to take charge of me losing weight. Yeah, it was because those people love me and want me to be healthy, but I'm also pretty resentful of people who take over this way. The 'come to jesus' talk that the OP mentions would have pissed me off to no end, and I don't think I'm necessarily the only overweight person to feel that way.

I KNOW I'm overweight. I know it's unhealthy and I need to do something about it. But having others decide what's best for me just bothers me.

Just my $.02. Maybe his wife is more gung-ho than she comes off, but remember that this band is a tool, and without working on eating habits beforehand it's not going to be a very useful one.

Has she visited with a licensed dietitian, and maybe a psychologist to work with any food issues? You lose the commercialism of weight watchers and still get good information.

- jen

Through this whole post this is what I was thinking.

Honestly? If MY husband (whom I love dearly, don't get me wrong) decided that *I* needed WLS and that HE was going to drive the process by posting here?

Sorry, but F that. This is my journey, for me. My whole life I've had people (my mom, mostly) try to take charge of me losing weight. Yeah, it was because those people love me and want me to be healthy, but I'm also pretty resentful of people who take over this way. The 'come to jesus' talk that the OP mentions would have pissed me off to no end, and I don't think I'm necessarily the only overweight person to feel that way.

I KNOW I'm overweight. I know it's unhealthy and I need to do something about it. But having others decide what's best for me just bothers me.

Just my $.02. Maybe his wife is more gung-ho than she comes off, but remember that this band is a tool, and without working on eating habits beforehand it's not going to be a very useful one.

Has she visited with a licensed dietitian, and maybe a psychologist to work with any food issues? You lose the commercialism of weight watchers and still get good information.

- jen

to think.... i am not sure what to say. All I know is that SHE has tried and tried and tried. And nothing but failure. Not my doing. She had been trying all along and I am trying to help and be part of the solution. Thats all. I haven't made her cry about this. She has. Period. I am just looking for a solution. Cool?

Scottay

Through this whole post this is what I was thinking.

Honestly? If MY husband (whom I love dearly, don't get me wrong) decided that *I* needed WLS and that HE was going to drive the process by posting here?

Sorry, but F that. This is my journey, for me. My whole life I've had people (my mom, mostly) try to take charge of me losing weight. Yeah, it was because those people love me and want me to be healthy, but I'm also pretty resentful of people who take over this way. The 'come to jesus' talk that the OP mentions would have pissed me off to no end, and I don't think I'm necessarily the only overweight person to feel that way.

I KNOW I'm overweight. I know it's unhealthy and I need to do something about it. But having others decide what's best for me just bothers me.

Just my $.02. Maybe his wife is more gung-ho than she comes off, but remember that this band is a tool, and without working on eating habits beforehand it's not going to be a very useful one.

Has she visited with a licensed dietitian, and maybe a psychologist to work with any food issues? You lose the commercialism of weight watchers and still get good information.

- jen

and this is what i am talking about.I am thinking that it is not a cure all. there will have to be modfications for this to work. Not a band aid. I think there might be a little bit of her that thinks this is a cure all. Thats all.

Yeah this is My text with my frustrations about this issue. not hers and what I can bring to the table to help.

Scottay

Through this whole post this is what I was thinking.

Honestly? If MY husband (whom I love dearly, don't get me wrong) decided that *I* needed WLS and that HE was going to drive the process by posting here?

Sorry, but F that. This is my journey, for me. My whole life I've had people (my mom, mostly) try to take charge of me losing weight. Yeah, it was because those people love me and want me to be healthy, but I'm also pretty resentful of people who take over this way. The 'come to jesus' talk that the OP mentions would have pissed me off to no end, and I don't think I'm necessarily the only overweight person to feel that way.

I KNOW I'm overweight. I know it's unhealthy and I need to do something about it. But having others decide what's best for me just bothers me.

Just my $.02. Maybe his wife is more gung-ho than she comes off, but remember that this band is a tool, and without working on eating habits beforehand it's not going to be a very useful one.

Has she visited with a licensed dietitian, and maybe a psychologist to work with any food issues? You lose the commercialism of weight watchers and still get good information.

- jen

and kinda what bothers me about your F that comment is that humility and pride might be an issue? Because I have many issues ... we all do. How we manage them might not be healthy and damaging to self and others. And because we are married it is a we issue.

And she was having lots of fun on the bike and occasionally tears of joy too:smile:

Scottay

It will take a commitment on her part, band or no band. The band will not do 100% of the work. At times it will be 25% band and 75% patient, and other times those numbers will be reversed.

But everyone can eat around the band. A person can drink too many high calorie things because liquids will go right through the band, with no problem. Foods like ice cream or crackers etc can also pass through easily, so the person had to be ready to choose the right foods first and that will allow the band to help.

A commitment to seeing the surgeon for visits to get adjustment/fills is needed. In the last four months, I've been to the surgeon's office more than eight times. Sure it will slow down later, but the patient must be ready to make some effort as well.

I have been banded just short of five months, I weigh less now than I have in over twenty years. I have never lost this much weight in this amount of time. I went to WW many times and I did learn a lot about weighing, measuring and tracking calories or points. That knowledge has been helpful to me now that I have the band.

If your wife is ready for a change, then why not go to one of the seminars held in your area by a bariatric surgeon and get some info together.

good Luck. Your wife will be lucky to have your support, if she decides that Lap band is right for her.

My suggestion is that she use something like TheDailyPlate.com to track her intake for a few weeks. That's a great way for her to really see if she's eating in the 1400 calorie range that her doc is suggesting, and if not, examine where she can cut down. Sometimes just the act of having to document everything you put in your mouth is enough motivation to cut down a little.

If she finds that sticking to 1400 cals is too hard because she's feeling hungry all the time -- that's where the band becomes the tool she'd probably do well with. It helps keep you feeling satiated so you don't need to eat as often or as much.

thank you for your constructive ideas. Just trying to get a feel for what is going to happen and I will still look at other posts to gather more insight.

Scottay

I have to jump in here wasn't going to but feel I have knowledge to share.

Let's talk about Weight Watchers. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it ususually is a duck. So if you felt the reason she backed out was a cope out....it was.

I have never once been pressured to buy anything at Weight Watchers. It is a wonderful program and I was very successful on it. Did I buy their snack bars-yes I did they tasted decent and I used them in my daily diet. Did I buy the measuring spoons, yes I did and guess what, they come in real handy now.

Lap band surgery has to be her choice, and any other program has to be her choice. food is an addicition, and addicitions can not be broken with out that person giving in and admitting that they will control the addiction not the addiction controlling them.

Understand that someone has to be there in their mind for this to work as well. The band is a tool. If she is not commited to changing her life style she will fail with the band as well and she will be miserable. You can't just "quit" the band, it is there you are stuck with it.

Your support is admirable, but please don't push her, you may gently nudge but do not push it has to be something she commits to and wants.

I have to say your concern for your wife is admerable, and your need to want learn to help her is awesome. Its a suggestion you could throw out to her to go to a seminar. I came here 1st and everyones honesty and understanding along with feeling like I really knew what kind of decision I was making helped me more than anyone I know or any information I got at that seminar. This is a life change and only she can decide if this is the right choice for her, but I think you being there for her is awesome. I hope your wife succeeds in whatever she chooses to do.

Despite my great respect for Shortgal (and kinship with all short people in general) I think I have to disagree with the suggestion to try Weight Watchers. On the whole it is not a bad concept but from what I saw in your original post it sounds like she has been dealing with weight issues for at least a decade. Combine that with your comments that she was both athletic and maintaining a healthy weight up until her difficult pregnancy and I would say she probably knows how & what to eat possibly better than most normal weight people.

In my own humble experience most obese people know what they shold be doing in regards to food & exercise, the problem lies in actually doing it. I know this sounds like a will power issue and I don't want to minimize the fact that in the end it is our hands putting the foods in our mouths and its our rear ends sitting on the couch not exercising. Still there are so many other issues working against us that are beyond normal control.

There can be many reasons some medical some psychological that have led her to becoming obese. But no matter how she gained the weight science shows that over 90% of people who surpass a BMI of 40 (or maybe its 30 I can't remember right now) will regain their weight loss within 18 months even when on a medically supervised diet and exercise regime. Obese and Morbidly Obese individuals body chemistry is different than that of those that are closer to a healthy weight. Whenever we lose weight our body starts sending out strong chemical signals to coerce us into eating, to change our metabolism to be more efficient and to even redirect a larger percentage of a normal caloric intake into replenishing our depleted fat cells rather than the rest of our body. There is a very interesting online radio show that you can stream that talks about this in more depth and even explains how the band can help change the pattern in more ways than just limiting our ability to eat too much in one sitting. I can find a link for it if you like. But try to imagine telling someone who just took an overdose of sleeping pills that if they fall asleep it is only because they lack the will power to stay awake.

Again I'm not trying to give excuses for my own previous behaviour or hers but I do believe it is not as simple as a will power issue or a lack of knowing what the right foods/exercise levels are for many.

...Lap band surgery has to be her choice, and any other program has to be her choice. food is an addicition, and addicitions can not be broken with out that person giving in and admitting that they will control the addiction not the addiction controlling them.

Understand that someone has to be there in their mind for this to work as well. The band is a tool. If she is not commited to changing her life style she will fail with the band as well and she will be miserable. You can't just "quit" the band, it is there you are stuck with it.

Your support is admirable, but please don't push her, you may gently nudge but do not push it has to be something she commits to and wants.

I have to second this opinion. Very few spouses would make the effort you are and that is wonderfull. But in the end this does need to be a choice she wants to make for herself.

Is she willing to attend a seminar or maybe a local support group of people that are already banded? I know I was very against surgery myself until after I attended a seminar and saw just how many other people were in the same situation as me and heard more about the medical side of my not losing weight than I had known before. It made me feel so much less guilty for considering surgery and made me feel more hopefull at the possibility of it working for me.

Despite my great respect for Shortgal (and kinship with all short people in general) I think I have to disagree with the suggestion to try Weight Watchers. On the whole it is not a bad concept but from what I saw in your original post it sounds like she has been dealing with weight issues for at least a decade. Combine that with your comments that she was both athletic and maintaining a healthy weight up until her difficult pregnancy and I would say she probably knows how & what to eat possibly better than most normal weight people.

In my own humble experience most obese people know what they shold be doing in regards to food & exercise, the problem lies in actually doing it. I know this sounds like a will power issue and I don't want to minimize the fact that in the end it is our hands putting the foods in our mouths and its our rear ends sitting on the couch not exercising. Still there are so many other issues working against us that are beyond normal control.

There can be many reasons some medical some psychological that have led her to becoming obese. But no matter how she gained the weight science shows that over 90% of people who surpass a BMI of 40 (or maybe its 30 I can't remember right now) will regain their weight loss within 18 months even when on a medically supervised diet and exercise regime. Obese and Morbidly Obese individuals body chemistry is different than that of those that are closer to a healthy weight. Whenever we lose weight our body starts sending out strong chemical signals to coerce us into eating, to change our metabolism to be more efficient and to even redirect a larger percentage of a normal caloric intake into replenishing our depleted fat cells rather than the rest of our body. There is a very interesting online radio show that you can stream that talks about this in more depth and even explains how the band can help change the pattern in more ways than just limiting our ability to eat too much in one sitting. I can find a link for it if you like. But try to imagine telling someone who just took an overdose of sleeping pills that if they fall asleep it is only because they lack the will power to stay awake.

Again I'm not trying to give excuses for my own previous behaviour or hers but I do believe it is not as simple as a will power issue or a lack of knowing what the right foods/exercise levels are for many.

like i was saying i am not absolutely sure what is causing the failure... just want to be part of the solution. Thats all.

Scottay