What am I supposed to do? Wear a sign letting everyone know I have a band? Make an announcement at the table?

First, it was eating too much.

Now, it's not eating enough.

Why can't people mind their own business?

Now, when I go into social situations I can see people whispering about me thinking I have an eating disorder.

Has anyone else delt with this and if so, what did you do?

It's like I need a shirt with a flashing arrow pointing to my stomach saying

"lapband" and then I need to hand out information on it because then it monopolizes the entire conversation.

if you want to , you can simply say that you had stomach surgery. people have surgeries of different types, for ulcers, intestinal, etc..., which affect how they eat afterwards.

you can always tell them you had surgery for ulcers and you have to watch what you eat. simple and most people would "buy" it.

I'm not telling anyone I have lap band, because there might be judgement.

they might make judgements like fat people are lazy, and they need a quick fix to lose weight (surgery).

i just got banded 4/2 and extremely few people know.

i definitely don't announce it

at work and other situations, I just tell people I'm on a diet by choice and trying to lose weight. if you sound confident they'll respect it.

it works well, because I was on a diet for a while before my surgery and was starting to lose weight, so people are already used to it.

as a matter of fact, others at work have started joining me at the gym and drinking Protein shakes for lunch!

good luck

Me personally i dont care who knows. No one has ever said a word to me negative wise ( but then again those who know me know better too...lol ) . If i didnt know them and they said something I might be tempted to PB on them ...lmao. When ya think about it its a great defense mechanism

I actually wanted my coworkers to know, so that there aren't any misunderstandings. Only one was against me having the surgery. I have given them a very good education on how the band works, that it isn't a miracle surgery, and that the weight loss can be slow. Everyone is so supportive of me and they try not to tempt me with snacks. I feel more comfortable knowing that they now know ... and understand, too!

I actually have had issues with the cute 70 year old woman who runs the diner down the road from my house. We go there for breakfast on Saturdays, and lately she's been getting offended if I don't finish my food and asks if it was ok. For a few weeks I asked for a doggy bag and just threw it out when I got home, but eventually I explained I had stomach surgery and wasn't able to eat much. I felt badly when I knew she felt badly for saying something, but now she's always trying to talk me into ordering something smaller--other than the omelette I want. I finally just explained that I really do want what I've ordered, even if I don't eat much of it. Who would have thought I'd be in this position?! :biggrin:

Well, I agree with everyone here that says #1. it doesn't matter what anyone says. YOU need to get to a place where you don't care about the opinions of others....people will make you feel bad about your ear lobes if you let them. #2. Although I am in behavior mod classes right now and hope to have my surgery by the end of May or early June I don't plan on telling anyone outside of my immediate family (note to self: remind blabbler mouth sister to keep her trap closed). So, for least 3 months people at work have seen me change my eating habits and know that I'm exercising so I don't think that's an issue. For you, you just simply need to (don't feel obligated) simply say "I've had stomach surgery and it's caused me to change my eating habits completely - the up side is I'm losing weight. Enough said and end of discussion. Good Luck to you!

I'm sorry, I know it isn't funny, but I just had to laugh. First, people think we are lazy and that we eat too much. And now that you are doing something good for yourself and eating less, they think you have an eating disorder. Unbelievable!! I hope you find a happy medium; something you can tell them without making yourself feel weird. I know it's hard. I've told a few close friends at church and then Wednesday when those few were discussing how I was feeling, others overheard and were startled that I'd have surgery and not let everyone know. Not because they are nosy, just because they are caring and wanted to at least be praying for me. Now that it's over. I really don't care who knows. I've made my decision and I think it's the right one. It was definitely not the easy way out, and I better not ever hear anyone saying it is. Good luck.

I agree with the "stomach surgery" line. It's really nobody's business unless you want them to know.

I made the mistake of not making it clear to DH that I did not want his family to know...they are rather simple people, though very nice and caring, I knew they wouldn't have a clue about this type of surgery. His mom had a stroke and has trouble talking. He went and blabbed to them when I had the surgery 1 1/2 weeks ago, which of course they don't understand as predicted. Now every time I see/talk to them, all they ask is "what do you have in you, what can you eat, etc, etc" I try to minimalize it in hopes they will get the message -I don't want to explain about it to them, over and over...but I know this will go on forever now...plus they will comment every time about how I look (thinner, fatter, whatever).

Tell people you want to know, don't tell those you don't want to know. Make it clear to the people who know it's private, personal information. Let the rest think what they want.

And I agree...nobody better say this is "the easy way"!

It is too late at this point, my social circle is very gossipy. Hey, that's how I decided to get it done in the first place. Someone told me about someone else who had it done. So I am sure that people I didn't tell know and are watching me like a science experiment.

The "big secret" is out. I'm out of the pantry(closet) ha!

The only good that has come out of it that it keeps me accountable for the most part. Which is also annoying because people ask "can you have this" and I'm like "I don't know yet until I try it and if it gets stuck, then I can't" (So Back OFF or I'll PB of you!!!)

I was looking for one of those Idiots Guide to Lap Band surgery before I had it done, and they only make one on WLS with a little info on Lap Band, but I really wish they would devote one just for LB.

You are right, it is nobody's business. But this is one of the reasons I tell everyone about my surgery. There is a lot of kind of funky behavior with the band and I wanted people to know why my portions were so small or what was going on if I had to jump up mid-sentence to PB.

I also get really tired of telling waitresses I REALLY don't want water or lemonade or iced tea or coffee or soda... I REALLY don't! If I change my mind, I know who to ask!!! I have gotten to where I just order water to shut them up then push it to the other side of the table to avoid temptation.

I dont want to announce to all and sundry that I have a Lap Band but for the first time EVER I felt "looked at" on Friday. I went on a "plan your own day in the city" excursion with Ewan's grade - they had a school camp in the city, it was awesome. Since the kids planned their day in groups of 4, they planned McDonalds for lunch. We ended up at one in the city with about 3 other groups, I knew the other mothers that were helping, so we all ate together. McDonalds is the one thing I can eat virtually nothing of, only the nuggets go down well. So I had a coffee and 4 out of a 6 pack of chicken nuggets, whilst the other ladies had other things. They didnt eat huge amounts either, I dont know many women that WOULD eat a quarterpounder large fries and a thick shake in front of anyone else, lol. They had wraps I think and only one lady ate a burger. It was quite obvious that I was nibbling this puny meal of nuggets VERY slowly! It was quite an uncomfortable feeling.

Finally the lady eating the burger said wow, you dont eat much. I just said I hate McDonalds, which is pretty much true.

I usually order the Asian chicken salad there. I can eat the grilled chicken without issue and pick at the veggies and edamame as I go....I have been french fry free since December, though I did attempt to eat a few homemade ones--didn't agree with me. I also find myself picking at the meat and leaving the bread, regardless of what I order. I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with the social situations often, though I did have a family dinner last night with my brother, sister-in-law, mom, and dad....and had one too many bites of food. Only my sister-in-law noticed anything amiss. Apparently I've learned well to push my food around and make a mess of my plate so no one notices the changes in my eating. Do any of you get the hiccups after eating? I frequently get them and it's kind of embarassing....particularly when it's loud!!

I dont understand why some of you want to keep this secret? I've always been an open book, I shouted it from the roof tops when I was approved. Everyone already knew how long I'd been fighting for it anyways. And everyone already thinks fat people are lazy and they WILL think your taking the easy way out. WHO CARES?? Arent we use to these behaviors? I've been fat long enough to know when some skinny person is staring in disgust as I eat. I know whose inside of me and she's much better looking than all the negative nellys out there.

As far as not wanting people to know...I truly think it has to do with a variety of reasons, at least for me. First, it's the shame. I've been raised to believe that fat people are lazy and out of control. Well, this out of control woman paid for her own education by playing sports on scholarship. I was internationally ranked and continue to hold records where I went to school--but my weight was an issue back then, too. (Now over 14 years ago) In order to stay at 210# or so in college, I worked out 3 to 4 hours a day. That just isn't possible for me any more. While my strength and agility were an once an advantage, the weight is now too great for me.

In addition, I feel like this is something very personal. My struggle to gain control over my weight--while certainly apparent to all who know me--is a source of intense frustration and embarassment to me. I've been successful in all other realms of my life. I have a very active social life and have climbed through the ranks of my school district very fast. My only two counterparts in my job are 15 and 17 years older than I, with lesser education. I successfully earned my way through 2 Masters' Degrees and have more education than most of the people who work in my school district, regardless of their age. So...with all of those wonderful things in my life, I hate to admit that I am horribly ashamed of my weight. As a powerful, intelligent woman, I don't like to look weak. For me, this was weakness.

I applaud all of you who talk openly about your surgery and have the support of your friends, family, and coworkers. I workout over an hour every day and will continue to watch my diet carefully. No one needs to know that I have had some help with controlling my food intake. It was a very personal decision not to share my story with my family. I attended my initial meeting in October and had surgery the first week of December, less than 2 months after the process began. My mother's mother passed the week before my surgery, and I didn't want to burden her with this stress. I couldn't--in good conscience--tell others and not tell her...so it was all one big mess. I may someday tell them...but I may not. Until then, I'm happy with my decision. Some people binge in private because they're ashamed, I have surgery in private...I will be 36 years old tomorrow. I'm done with justifying myself to my family and friends.

I dont need to hide it, and I didnt from my family and friends but I dont want absolutely *everyone* to know either, I dont tell complete strangers - for many of the reasons you mention luv2teech - I've been successful in other areas of my life and I did/do feel that a weight problem was a weakness, self indulgence and laziness and to be completely honest, in large part it was. What I do now to keep control of my weight I always should have done, I really WAS a fat lazy slob who sat around on her backside and ate too much. I dont necessarily want people to know that about me.

I haven't told anyone about the band and I have several ways of diverting attention.

My first method is using my son. I have a one year old and I generally make it seem that I'm just so busy feeding him that I'm unable to eat normally. I say I'll just take the rest to go.

Another thing I do is split meals with my husband. No one has noticed that he eats about 3/4 of the meal and I only eat a tiny bit.

My last method is when I don't have my hubby or son to hide behind, I tell people I'm a weird eater and that I eat VERY small meals every few hours. The other day I could barely eat a few friest and two bites of my sandwhich and I thought for sure my coworker wouldn't keep buying my lines but she did.