telling friends

hungry4help · February 24, 2008

hey all... weight seems to be a, um, loaded issue in the lgbt community. my gay-guy friends tell me all kinds of fat-phobic horror stories, especially about the chelsea boys in nyc. among us lesbians, i know it's just as much of an issue. most of my friends are fat-friendly feminist types and i know some of them will have an issue with my being banded. that's prolly why i haven't told any of my friends. (i do have support from my sister and sister-in-law; my two closests buds.)

has anyone else been reluctant about telling people?

luluc · February 25, 2008

I just recently told my mom, who thought it was a fantastic thing, and wants me to talk to my older brother about the Lapband for himself. I've not shared w/friends - only hubby (also banded w/me) and my younger brother know, and for as slow as the weight loss has been (which is fine w/me) I'm glad I've not shared just yet -... so not to get the "what did you loose so far" comments. I'm sure I'll evolve & let others know my process, but right now I'm kinda private (except here..LOL) about my WLS - as I was with my weight gain....Best to you~

hungry4help · February 25, 2008

thanks all. good to hear i'm not the only one who struggled with disclosure.

Michael185 · March 5, 2008

On the topic of coming out about being a bandster, I have decided to. My friends are mostly bears (big, hairy, gay men). I decided early on to tell my friends so I could either gather their support early on or their disapproval and get that out of the way. So far, it has been fairly positive. I was informed recently that several of them had spoken and decided I didn't need it. I told them I appreciated their support and that with a BMI of 40+ and being 130 lbs over weight and assured them that I did in fact qualify for and need the surgery.

Overall the acceptance has been positive. I had to have my friends support because so much of my life with them was social eating. I also had to have them understand that my desire to lose weight wasn't a rejection of them or a judgement in any way.

It is working for me. If I lose friends along the way, then I have to question the foundation of our friendship.

Michael

luluc · March 5, 2008

On the topic of coming out about being a bandster, I have decided to. My friends are mostly bears (big, hairy, gay men).
I love my Bears (BHGM) my brother is one - and he loves I'm getting my groove back, and propping my tatas where they belong.

All the best Michael - It's about your health, and feeling good about yourself...no matter who you choose to share with.

rockout · July 15, 2008

Most of my friends are gay guys, I've only told one of them so far. Mostly cause I'm keeping it quite for now. Just my mom and him know, because he's basically my husband so not telling him I was considering something like this would really hurt him. We're so close, so he sees it as a positive for me.

My other best friend, I haven't told her yet. I'm sure she'll be supportive, we've been best friends since third grade and have been through it all with each other. She's not an anti-surgery kind of girl, but I really don't know how she'll react to this.

I know there are people in my life who will react negativily. In fact, I can list them out. So for now, I'm not dealing with them. I'm just keeping mum about the whole thing. I'll deal with them later.

Sunwyse · July 19, 2008

For me personally, I'll tell anyone who listens. I don't give a hoot what other people think about what I do with my own body. I see it as a way to be open and honest in society about weight issues. By talking about having the op, I can educate that its not simply eat less, exercise more and you'll be right mate. Its more complex than that.

Whether you tell anyone at all, only a few or anybody you see walking down the street is a hugely personal decision. If you do decide to tell people, do it for the right reason. To tell people as a way to deflect teasing or nitpicking will just arm your enemy with more ammunition. In the end its your life, your body and your decision. Don't ever lose sight of that.

sunset01 · October 16, 2008

Nope, as a matter of a fact I tell everyone, especially those who are unhappy with their weight, gay or straight. I am very proud of my hard work and my decission. I now work out every other day for two hrs and then my treat is a nice warm swim for 30 min afterwards. I am proud to say I am a happy healthy lesbian who made one of the best decissions in my life as far as my wreight goes. I have had a huge success with support from work, even HR tells me they are proud of my for taking that big step in getting healthy and loosing weight to better my life but most of all I am proud of me! and you should be too. So from one to another...you have another supporter who is proud of you too!!! Things are already getting better...keep up the great work! Lisa