People rant

[anonemouse 1]

Okay, bear with me for a bit. I'm thinking as I type, so this might be a tad disjointed. :tongue: And to head off any bitching, no, I'm not necessarily discussing anyone on this site, but rather people in general, both online and IRL. :tt1:

Does it irritate anyone else when people are passive aggressive? I really wonder if it's just personality conflicts that make so many people seem deeply passive aggressive, or if they really are like that with everyone, not just me. I mean, it may just be the way I'm wired, but I don't see the point in dancing around crap and it really bugs me when people do that. I don't see the purpose in pretending. Does that make sense? I mean, there's no point in being out-and-out nasty to people that you don't like, but what the heck's the usefulness in pretending that you're best friends? Surely it takes more effort to be a really fake person than it takes to be honest. I would think that it'd be mentally draining, wouldn't you? I mean, they're going around pretending to be something/someone they're not, when I'm sure everyone sees through it anyway (I know I usually do). All it does is leave a bad taste in people's mouths.

And I'm not necessarily talking about people being passive aggressive towards me. When they do it to the other people around me, it bothers the hell out of me, too. Don't they realize that the people around them usually see what they're doing? You know, the people that are nice to someone's face and then turn around and gossip about them. Do they think that makes the people they're gossiping to like them or trust them? Or the people that intentionally bait folks online, making seemingly nice/unobjectionable posts that really aren't nice/unobjectionable when you read them carefully? You know the type, the people that are very careful about their word choice, taking potshots in a way that they can deny being intentional later.

What the hell's the point in it? If you don't like someone, at least have the balls to say so, or leave the person alone. I mean, hell, if I don't like someone, they KNOW I don't like them. I don't beat around the bushes, taking cowardly potshots at them and then denying it later. I don't act like I'm their friend to their faces, letting them help me with personal matters, and then gossip/badmouth them on another website or to coworkers. I try not to be mean to them or truly nasty, but I'm not going to pretend we're bosom buddies, either.

Really, is it a personality thing? Are there personality types that are more prone to that type of behavior?

Now, I know that all people are going to be passive aggressive at one point or another. That's human nature, I think. We all have moments of childishness, weakness, whatever you want to call it, when we do things that we wouldn't necessarily do otherwise. That's not what I'm ranting about. What I'm bitching about is when people do it all the time, when it's apparently their normal behavior. Are those people the ones that never let their behavior mature past high school, or do they simply have certain personality types that lend themselves to that behavior?

[anonemouse 1]

And I think it got lost in my rant, lol, but one thing I'm asking is this, "Is it just because my personality is so straight-forward that these people seem so passive-aggressive and shady, or is it that they really are that passive-aggressive and shady?"

[Manatee 3]

In truth, it may actually be something in your personality. I know that I tend to miss subtle overtones in interaction, and so I'm usually confused whenever there's multiple levels happening. This makes me seem (frankly) like a jackass at times, and it certainly makes me view others as duplicitous. Others don't seem to have that issue. What I've had to do is doublecheck my assumptions, and give others more benefit of the doubt than I would naturally.

I doubt any of this helps, but know you're not alone.

[pippinje 0]

Personality...definately personality. I can't stand that. I don't get the point. If you don't like me, fine. Don't act like you do then turn around and tell my business to someone else. These people always have to be the center of attention. maybe they didn't get enough attention at home. Maybe they have the only child syndrome. I don't know, but they love spreading gossip and being nice to people is their way of getting the gossip they need.

Disgusting.

[anonemouse 1]

In truth, it may actually be something in your personality. I know that I tend to miss subtle overtones in interaction, and so I'm usually confused whenever there's multiple levels happening. This makes me seem (frankly) like a jackass at times, and it certainly makes me view others as duplicitous. Others don't seem to have that issue. What I've had to do is doublecheck my assumptions, and give others more benefit of the doubt than I would naturally.

I doubt any of this helps, but know you're not alone.

Well, hell. Apparently, I pissed off Firefox and lost a long reply to this. Hopefully, this one will go through.

That makes a lot of sense. I've thought it was probably a major personality conflict. There are people on this site and other sites that I go to that I try to virtually avoid like the devil whenever possible, just because their posts come across as incredibly passive-aggressive to me. Which of course, irritates me to no end, so I wind up making a post that definitely conveys my irritation, so those people apparently think I'm attacking them, even when I'm not. That, of course, leads to MORE passive-aggressiveness from them, and the cycle continues, and I eventually wind up feeling like I need to start banging my head against a wall.

I just don't see the point in being all nicey-nice when people don't really feel that way. I think that people should say what they mean in the way that they mean it. But hell, that's why I suck at small-talk, too!

[green 6]

I'm pretty much a straight aggressive-aggressive by temperament. This is one of the reasons I see a psychologist; I have anger issues. This seems to have been something I learned from my father. It is probably a good thing that I don't have a lot of testosterone.

[sfeiner 2]

Things my life has taught me:

Honey catches more flies than vinegar.

If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

Being a bitch doesn't pay.

Your anger eats at you and doesn't affect the person you're angry with.

Smile lines look better than frown lines.

[green 6]

Things my life has taught me:

Honey catches more flies than vinegar.

If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

Being a bitch doesn't pay.

Your anger eats at you and doesn't affect the person you're angry with.

Smile lines look better than frown lines.

Oh, I completely agree with you. I deeply enjoy treating others with kindness, consideration, humour, and generosity. Where I run into trouble is when people treat me badly. That is when my rage problems errupt. I am lousy at turning the other cheek. Instead I become ornery, sarcastic, and then refuse to ever have anything to do with the individual ever again. This is a real problem for me. That is why I am in therapy.

[IndioGirl55 32]

I would say I am passive aggressive – I don’t like confrontation – I am not good at it. so what - that's who I am - We all aren't going to be alike - we all have diff opinions - that's what makes up the world - ya you might not like how people respond to certain situations but you can not inflict your own personality on other people and expect them to behave as you would

I hate people who pretend to be martyrs - or cry babies - but that's me - it takes all kinds I have a girlfriend who is a big martyr - that's her so what - she is a nice person otherwise - she has issues (who doesn't) I don't let that little part of her take away from our friendship - My 17 yr GS has this whole thing about not liking someone for whatever reason - they gotta make a big deal about it - I say if you don't like someone then don't be around them - what’s the use - they usually don't care if you like them or not

If we are having a conversation I take it at face value - I'm not one to try and figure out the secret meaning of what you might be trying to say - That takes too much work - but I do think if you have a diff of opinion - you should voice it - but people don't have to get nasty about it

Merely being passive-aggressive isn't a disorder but a behavior — sometimes a perfectly rational behavior, which lets you dodge unpleasant chores while avoiding confrontation. It's only pathological if it's a habitual, crippling response reflecting a pervasively pessimistic attitude.

[Chelle B 0]

I think it's a bit of both. I try never to be passive/aggressive, and at the same time try not to hurt anyone's feelings. I am the type person that tends to see both sides of an issue - I want to so that I can learn more.

I know that to uber-aggressive cyber folks - I need to be more direct. Many people look for the hidden meaning. And sometimes there isn't any hidden meaning.

I am much more direct in person - because I can gauge body language and responses of the people I am talking to.

And background has a lot to do with this as well. I was raised in the South where manners are everything. It took me many years in a tough business to learn to look someone in the eyes and be totally direct without being a bitch.

In the long run - everybody has something to offer and it bodes well for me to try and understand where a person is coming from so that I communicate on their comfort level.

So maybe we are just all screwed up.

[Chelle B 0]

Things my life has taught me:

Honey catches more flies than vinegar.

If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

Being a bitch doesn't pay.

Your anger eats at you and doesn't affect the person you're angry with.

Smile lines look better than frown lines.

An absolutely beautiful lesson....

[Daisalana 33]

SFeiner summed up my thoughts on this. Being snide is one thing, but for people to be cordial to people they don't like.. is just decency, it's not to be underhanded. I guess in my line of work, when I don't like someone, I still have to smile at them. And I always bitch to co-workers when it's over. But it's not because I'm being passive aggressive, it's just being civil... or a good business person :frown:

[TommyO 5]

Laurend I'm curious, I try to be direct and honest and you called me on it. When I explained why I felt the way I did to you in a direct and honest fashion you became upset. So I acted in fashion similar to what you describe as your prefered comunication style and yet you slammed the door in my face.

Just currious!!!

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

And I think it got lost in my rant, lol, but one thing I'm asking is this, "Is it just because my personality is so straight-forward that these people seem so passive-aggressive and shady, or is it that they really are that passive-aggressive and shady?"

I agree whole heartedly Lauren. I am also like you and think you should lay the cards on the table, I always try to! I think it is THEY really are passive-aggressive and shady maybe just follows? Does that make sense???

[anonemouse 1]

Laurend I'm curious, I try to be direct and honest and you called me on it. When I explained why I felt the way I did to you in a direct and honest fashion you became upset. So I acted in fashion similar to what you describe as your prefered comunication style and yet you slammed the door in my face.

Just currious!!!

No, Tommy, I recall asking you politely why you were acting the way you were, and I believe I asked if something was wrong (since your behavior had taken a 180* turn from what I remembered it being), and then getting viciously snarled at. I admit to calling your behavior childish, but I'm pretty sure I didn't do that until after you screamed at me. After all, I'm obviously all for ranting and raving, when there is something to rant and rave about, or when there's been actual provocation. I'm not all for seemingly randomly picking people out of thin air and deciding that they've somehow committed a mortal sin against you, when they've never said a single word to you in the past. Believe me, if I wanted to "slam a door in your face," I would have done it in front of everyone and not taken the time and effort to personally contact you to see if anything was wrong.