I think I saw this originally posted on the forum here somewhere, but for anyone who missed it.. it just came back around to me in e-mail and it made me laugh all over again :smile:

>>A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

This is dedicated to everyone who ever

>>attempted to

>>get into a regular workout routine.

>>

>>Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear)

>>purchased a week of personal training at the local

>>health club for me. Although I am still in great

>>shape since being a high school football cheerleader

>>43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to

>>go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and

>>made my reservations with a personal trainer named

>>Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old

>>aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing

>>and swim wear.

>>

>>My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get

>>started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to

>>chart my progress.

>>

>>MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed,

>>but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the

>>health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is

>>something of a Greek goddess - with blond

>>hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo

>>Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the

>>machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in

>>which she conducted her aerobics class after my

>>workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was

>>encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was

>>already aching from holding it in the whole time she

>>was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

>>

>>TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it

>>out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and

>>push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put

>>weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the

>>treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's

>>rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel

>>GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

>>

>>WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the

>>toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over

>>it.

>>I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving

>>was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I

>>parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

>>Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my

>>screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a

>>little too perky for early in the morning and when

>>she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY

>>annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill,

>>so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the heck

>>would anyone invent a machine to simulate an

>>activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda

>>told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy

>>life. She said some other crap too.

>>

>>THURSDAY : Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like

>>teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled

>>back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half

>>an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took

>>me to work out with dumbbells. When

>>she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.

>>She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as

>>punishment, she put me on the rowing machine --

>>which I sank.

>>

>>FRIDAY : I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being

>>has ever hated any other human being in the history

>>of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic

>>little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I

>>could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her

>>with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps.

>>I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want

>>dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells or

>>anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The

>>treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and

>>nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been

>>someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir

>>director?

>>

>>SATURDAY : Belinda left a message on my answering machine in

>>her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not

>>show up today. Just hearing her made me want to

>>smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked

>>the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up

>>catching eleven straight hours of the Weather

>>Channel.

>>

>>SUNDAY : I'm having the Church van pick me up for services

>>today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is

>>over. I will also pray that next year my daughter

>>will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root

>>canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had

>>wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the

>>floor with diamonds!!!

Hahah! Love it - sharing!!