Hey 50 & over gang We have a new spot

[pj_txlady 0]

Joanne, when are you leaving for Korea? How exciting you must be.

oops...how excited you must be. This happens to me all the time, after I hit send I notice a misspelled word. :lunch:

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Helene I am so glad you're okay. I hope you can get some rest. Please just keep telling people that you just had major surgery and nearly died. You need to be assertive here and I know it's easier said than done, but certainly you can explain that your body was starving for months and you need to recuperate.

[JoannMarie 0]

PJ - we leave for Seoul early on April 7th. It will be a long day in the air - about 20 hours total (that includes the layover time in Denver and San Francisco). The overseas leg is almost 13 hours. DH is staying 2 weeks and I am staying a month - continuing to play grandma, of course. We will sure be happy to have them back in the States when this tour is over this summer. A 4 or 5 hour flight will be nothing then!

I am excited to see their little family! DD saw the doctor yesterday - I'm anxious to hear from her about how baby is doing. He has been very busy in there - probably getting pretty crowded by now. I would call, but it's 4:45am there - they probably would not appreciate a call from me now. I've been working on his baby quilt - have the top done and the backing is pieced. I will probably starting quilting on it tomorrow, should not take many hours as I am not going to quilt it densely, just some outlining and cloud shapes. I will post some pictures when it is finished.

Helene, ditto on the advice about taking care of yourself. Your mother and your youngest daughter owe you at least an apology! Is it HER daughter you babysit for? If so, she owes you BIG TIME! and who would be driving your mother and father everywhere if you were not there to do it? Rest - heal - pamper yourself in any way you can. You deserve it.

Hugs to all,

[Apples2 19]

Helene...I agree with Joanne....time to squeeze some time in to take for of yourself. No way should you have had that drama right b/4 surgery. It's hard to take back words that are said but an apology would have lessened the pain. When you are feeling better and can be out and about, take a day for Helene. Go out for lunch with a friend, take in a movie, go sit in the park. You have been through sooooooooooo much in the last few month. Time to create some time for yourself and not feel guilty about it.

Joanne...I know someone else reminded you of this; make sure you get up and walk on the plane and stretch your legs to prevent clots. I have had trouble with clots in the past and feel it is very important to move, especially during long trips.

I bet you are get more excited by the day to see your family. You will have to keep us all posted.

[lynnt1215 1]

Helene - I so agree with everyone else. you need to take time to heal. It is tough to be assertive, when you know you are depended upon, but it is a neccesity for recovery.

This is definitely a time to say ME FIRST!!!

[Elayne 0]

It's very exciting/scary to see that slider move closer and closer to the surgery date.

27 days and counting.

I have a twist to this "quest".

My husband and I recently separated (after 25 years) and we are putting off the legal papers until after the surgery and recovery. We both agree this surgery is necessary to get my health back and don't want the insurance to get into nasty red tape.

I've come to terms with the split (MOST of the time) and although it's a painful painful time - I've been at this LBS Quest since August 2008 and it's helping me find the strong person that I once was.

I think I'll spend more time on this forum - 'cuz I need some real "girl talk" and support.

Yikes - 27 days!

[lynnt1215 1]

Elayne - sorry to hear about your separation. I am sure the added stress of thst decision is not easy.

Always here for your "girl talk".

I divorced after 21 years of marriage, and we shared the house for the first 6 months after the bdivorce and for the whole year before while separated.. economically the only way I could survive at the time, Now my ex and I are better as friends than we were as a married couple.

[Katydid 0]

It's very exciting/scary to see that slider move closer and closer to the surgery date.

27 days and counting.

I have a twist to this "quest".

My husband and I recently separated (after 25 years) and we are putting off the legal papers until after the surgery and recovery. We both agree this surgery is necessary to get my health back and don't want the insurance to get into nasty red tape.

I've come to terms with the split (MOST of the time) and although it's a painful painful time - I've been at this LBS Quest since August 2008 and it's helping me find the strong person that I once was.

I think I'll spend more time on this forum - 'cuz I need some real "girl talk" and support.

Yikes - 27 days!

Hi Elayne,

My heart really feels for you. It is sooo good that your husband is at least prepared not to make the stress worse for you in the leadup to your operation.

Once the pounds start falling off, you will be surprised at how different you will feel about yourself and other people will notice the changes too. You may feel strange about accepting the compliments at first but hey, the feeling will be marvelous. Don't make excuses, just say "Thank you" and know you deserve it.

Best wishes, Helene

[Katydid 0]

Hi Everyone,

Took your advice and pulled out of collecting my Dad from hospital tomorrow. He had cateract surgery this afternoon. I didn't get to sleep until 6.30am again because of pain and although I picked my Granddaughter up from school today, I decided that I must rest tomorrow to get ready for the big drive to the surgeon in Waikiki on Friday morning. The hospital is arranging to send him home by taxi through Veterans Affairs and I'll be able to speak to his surgeon over the phone.

I do feel somewhat guilty but I'll just have to get over it!!

I agree with your comments about an appology being needed from my daughter and my mother but it will never happen, just doesn't work that way with those two.

If I end up having to go into hospital again for the hernia, I'll try to sneakily get the surgeon to explain to them. That will be the only way. My mother has always been a very hard worker and especially since I've had these problems over the past five years all up, I can't keep up with her. Being that my folks live with me now, my daughters keep telling me "not to let Grandma do all the work". I do but she gets up at 4 - 5am, I get up at 7am normally. What there is to do she has done, so I give up!

Gee, I won't need to go to my psych next week, I've spat it all out on here. Aaaaaah, I feel better now.

Best wishes, Helene.

[lynnt1215 1]

Helene - great that you are taking care of yourself, rest is key..

This site is great for letting ourselves "vent" our issues..ask questions and just enjoy the company. We all can say that it is nice to have others understand what our bodies and minds are going through!!

[Elayne 0]

Thank you Helene,

It'll be hard accepting compliments - but I'm sure I'll welcome and enjoy them.

I don't want to hear -

Wow - you look so much better NOW

lynnt1215 -

We were married 25+ years, 2 grown children and another from my first marriage - all FABULOUS, healthy, smart and independent except for the youngest who is looking for a grad school after one more semester.

We're also living in the same house which fortunately is large enough to give us distance except for the kitchen.

We're almost past the arguing phase and mostly amidst the hurting stage.

It's really bad at night when my thoughts wander and I lock the side door realizing that my children aren't coming home that night.

But -

With the sun, flowers, birds, warm air AND the upcoming changes - I'm trying to focus on a new life-style.

I'm a semi-reclusive ex-1960s artsy fiber/needlework fanatic who used to work full-time as a computer programmer.

With a retired ex-art teacher friend who now teaches small classes at home - I'm "hatching" a plan to teach embroidery, knitting at home and when I get my confidence back - maybe teach and/or lecture in the "outside world"

Thanks girls -

I need the chats and experienced guidance through this transformation.

(weigh-in today with nutritionist and Lap Band support meeting tonight)

BTW - I'm having the REALIZE band

[lompocbander 1]

Helene,

Glad to hear you are not doing the extra driving, that is much too stressful after surgery. Time to heal up, girl!

It seems your family dynamics have you firmly wedged into the middle--caretaking for dad, granddaughter, and taking the heat for anything that goes awry (such as your daughter making you feel bad for making your mother do work about the house.) And you can expect that it might go from bad to worse over time, if, for example, your dad's health continues to fail, or (god forbid) your mother starts to fail.

So, I don't know your financial situation or your agreements to family, but if it is not possible or desirable to change the arrangements, to get yourself out of that difficult role, it might be possible to take a big step back and re-view the whole role and see it as your "job". If you doing what you are doing is what financially supports you (such as your parents supply the home, your daughter supplies funds for food and utilities), then it is your "job" at this point. So what is your job description? And how reasonable is it? Are you on call 24/7? Do you get days off? Evenings? Are you free to accomplish the job the way that you feel it should be done? Perhaps you can establish some boundaries that make it clear that you have your own goals, needs and objectives while taking their needs seriously, too.

And it is time to ask for some medical leave of absence! Any reasonable "boss" would grant you that for the next few weeks, at least, after what you have gone through!

Anyway, just my thoughts, for what they are worth...

[flowers 0]

Hi Helene, I think many in our generation are in the middle, it's just how it is. My Dad is 90 and shouldnt be behind the wheel, and my mom freeks out and my only sibling has seizures and a slow learner, so I am the only one who drives. I used to live in S. Florida and moved across the country to come home and help about 4 years ago.

My mom has emphaseyma (sp) and my Dad has heart, eye, hearing, broke his hip, multiple problems. Luckily my mom can still help out around their house and I live 1 mile away, walking distance. I know the time will come when I need to do it all. Like some say, I think of it as my job. We plan doctors visits around me getting out and playing bridge, on off days when we can and I can do short trips, most of the time. Have had to cancel some, and I cruise from a nearby port because of the time and distance issue.

Hopefully, you can just go with the flow, that's all I do. Things are a little better right now, but my Dad was in Rehab for a while and that was a daily grind where I couldnt do anything on my own.

[JoannMarie 0]

Elayne, I have the Realize band, too. I don't see a real difference as far as weight loss, food problems, etc. Either band is a great weight loss and maintenance tool as long as you follow the guidelines about healthy food, small portions, and exercise. I have not had any problems with foods getting stuck. I have good restriction since my 3rd fill two weeks ago. Overall, I've been happy with it. Talk to your surgeon about fill philosophy - my doctor gave me my first fill (3cc) 5 weeks from surgery, then 2cc (4 weeks later), 1cc (3 weeks later). The object is to give you some restriction, but not so much you will bring everything back up. It takes a while to find that right spot for you and everyone is different.

I'm sorry to hear of your family difficulties. It can be hard to stay focused when you have those problems in the background all the time.

I am a needlework fanatic, too - primarily quilting, but I do love to knit. Since my quilting is 98% machine work now, the knitting is my evening and quiet time pleasure. I look forward to it every day.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Helene, I am glad you made that decision to not go and get your dad. You definitely need to take care of yourself , since nobody else is!

I really dread when the time comes that my dad can't live on his own. He's doing very well for 90 but I know some small thing could happen and change that in a moments notice. I really don't want to move to Arizona and he hates it here. It's big problem.