I have such mixed emotion over this, and I feel bad for that. Need to get this off my chest in a big way, and it's much more rant than logic.

On one side, my parents have completely given up with their weight. They were always hefty, but not always obese. Now - especially in the last year or two - they're out of control obese. My mother is pretty much out of all store-bought clothes. We tried to find her something to wear to a wedding in the spring and at Catherine's (sells the largest sizes around here) she was in their largest, 6x, tight. My dad is about 5'10 and in a 52 pant. Neither of them can walk from their car to their house without being completely out of breath. Hell, neither of them can get off the couch without being out of breath, and I don't feel sorry for them, I feel sickened. All they do is sit in reclining furniture and watch TV, eat 5 or 6 plates and 3 or 4 deserts at buffets, and wonder why they're gaining weight because "I don't eat that bad." (as my mother says, while she claims to be eating healthy grilled chicken, which is actually a grilled chicken breast smothered with cheese sauce and sour cream). My mother is the type who doesn't like to own her actions, and is constantly seeking out a medical reason for her obesity (her latest is that she thinks she must have Cushing's, because she has a large pannus) and the next big cure, book, herbal remedy, whatever it may be. *sigh*

They don't admit to giving up, but they have, and this is going to be one of the only things that will help them. I KNOW THAT WITH NO DOUBT. I want them to be healthier and live longer, so I am in support of them getting the band. I even made their info night seminar appt, went with them, answered their questions, did their insurance battle for them... just about did everything for them (once they started expressing interest). I want healthy parents. We're going on vacation in Spring and my concerns are 1) they will not fit on the plane and will be humiliated, 2) they will not be able to walk with us and will opt out of some activities rather than face am embarassing compromise like a wheelchair or scooter, 3) they will be disappointed that the trip is not planned around food. When I go on vacation with my parents, those SHOULD NOT be my top worries. I want them to move beyond their weight, and I KNOW that some type of surgical/behavioral/manual intervention is the ONLY way it's going to happen. I want my parents around for a long time. I want them healthy, and able to breathe and fool good about themselves. So in that sense, I WANT them to get banded. Very badly.

Their insurance JUST started approving the lap-band. My mother called me today to ask for more help in getting this done. I asked her if she had made up her mind to do it and she said "Yep!" And I was just like... oh. Good for you. I couldn't even pretend happiness. Which is where the flip side comes in.

To be completely honest, I love my parents, but they disgust me. Now that I can see their behaviors for what they are, without being immune to them because I'm doing the exact same thing. I hate eating out with them because I can't stand to watch them eat, it repulses me. I can't stand to listen to their excuses for being overweight. I can't stand to hear their pathetic distortions around diet. Huh mom, have you ever tried just cutting back your calories if you REALLY want to diet? No! That's because you aren't looking for a diet, you're looking for a quick fix that requires no committment or determination on your behalf. Surprise, you're not gonna find it.

I feel resentful and spiteful. My mother, although she did not vocalize it and did support me in her own way, was very much against me getting banded. It didn't matter, I was doing it anyway, but I did want to have talks with them about how they felt about it. When I first told her I was really thinking about it, her response was, "Oh, so you're giving up? You're not going to even try another diet?" Man, those words stung, because I didn't see it as giving up, I saw it as the most logical solution to my growing problem. Her second remark was, "You know I'm going to be jealous if you go and lose a lot of weight." She was one of those people who would always have some kind of comment about the easy way out, about how it just doesn't seem normal, she just couldn't understand, etc. I lived with that for about a year, until she started seeing the results AND seeing that I was still healthy AND seeing the ways my life was changing. Then things changed with her. She suddenly started talking about "maybe" wanting the band, and "maybe" wanting my dad to have it. Even when I started losing the weight and was offering to hand over TONS of clothes to her, she took them, but had her own sort of anger about it. Like after giving her 12 bags of clothes, I asked if she knew anyone else who could use them and she was like "Uh what about me?" I know she was jealous, but she was sooo judgemental.

I'm very much in a situation where I took the full 100% brunt of her jealousy, disgust, resentment, her own hate for herself and her situation, etc... I took it all, head on, in the form of judging me for what I did, and aggressive/passive aggressive reactions to my situation, and I swallowed it like a ball of throns for over a year. And now that she's seen me lose the majority of my weight, and be successful, now all of a sudden she wants to do it too. I fell like - yeah, give me shit about it, and now that I've proven it can work, you want to hop on the bandwagon too.

I should see her actions for what they are, and be able to hold my head higher, and I do to some degree. I know/understand what's going on. But I still can't help but feel really freaking ticked off about it. And happy.

I'm a bad daughter.

Sorry guys, I sort of had my cathartic experience with my intial post and then let it lay. Update - my parents have submitted their paperwork and are waiting on insurance approval.

I have not yet talked with them about my feelings, I do not feel it to be an appropriate time or circumstance. But I have encouraged them to do something in the meantime (which they aren't doing). Something meaning - don't give up. I'm tired of them saying "Well we tried so-and-so's diet but we just didn't lose weight on it." Well have you tried kicking the fads and doing something revolutionary like plain and simple cutting your calories?

A lot of you guys know this, but I'm huge on owning your actions, taking ownership, and being willing to admit fault. We all do it, but catching yourself and correcting it (what I strive for), and sticking your head in the sand - uh uh. And I'm big on the idea that you pretty much hand over your right to bitch about something if you aren't also trying to effect some change about it. And that's where my parents are. They're eyebrow deep in denial and as much as they're asking me questions and eager to learn about banded life, they're not "there" yet. Even the questions they're asking me show that (Can you still eat ice cream? Did you lose without exercising? Can you eat XYZ?) I never asked if I could still vaccuum banded because I didn't give a shit, so I know these are things in the front of their minds, so I'm doing what I can to help ease their (eventually, supposedly, hopefully) transition.

I have tried to encourage them to start adopting parts of the bandster lifestyle now, before they have to go cold turkey (assuming insurance approval). Things like foregoing the soda, which other than coffee is all my father drinks; chewing (we had dinner the other night and I "challenged" them to take the same bite size as me, and now swallow until I did); making better choices when ordering or cooking; trying to help them see where the trucklod of fat & calories & carbs is residing in their "healthy" meal.

This too shall pass.

I really admire your outlook on this, I"m big on owning your actions too. Nothing disgusts me more than excuses.

However, that's a big part of the journey, isnt it? Coming to really KNOW (not just tell yourself) that your actions are down to nobody but you and your success is dependent upon nobody but you. Where there's a will there's a way in the face of any adversity. Someone who comes on here and posts that they've just eaten half a cheesecake, but oh well, tomorrow is another day, they WILL keep going, they dont disgust me. Someone who whines that its cold out and she already doesnt get enough sleep and she has 3 kids so its not her fault that she cant exercise, that disgusts me. Grow up and smell the coffee. You're either going to find a way to put in the work or you arent.

Its such a fat attitude, all this excuse making and it sounds like your parents have it in spades, but hopefully, this will be overcome in time. As far as owning your own actions, well you're awesome becuase if anyone had an excuse to grow up fat, living in that kind of an environment is it.