Family Dynamics - How do you deal with meals???

[HealthierBefore45 1]

Hello! I’m new here in the investigation stage of doing sleeve surgery. I met with a weight loss Dr in May and started naltrexone (I was already on high dose bupropion) and a high protein/low carb diet. We discussed sleeve surgery for later this year. I lost 10lbs that month despite going on a cruise , but found out just before the cruise that we would be moving over the summer. I pretty much put my weight on hold and went into survival mode dealing with the move and kids who didn’t want to move, etc. But now we’ve moved and settled in and I’m miserable - I can’t be active at all with my kids, clothes are uncomfortable, autoimmune disorders and pain are out of control, and life in general is hard! My new PCP let me go back on naltrexone (I already take bupropion) and I’m looking for the best surgeon near Manhattan, KS (seems like there’s a great option in Topeka and I watched their video yesterday ). Best news is that our insurance here actually will actually cover surgery after the first of the year!

I’m concerned about feeding the rest of my family after surgery though. My 10 year old has behavior issues and food or not getting foods she wants is a big trigger. She wants carbs, carb, carbs! She eats me out of house and home. We’re working Portion Control and body positivity with her. My 8 year old has sensory and feeding issues, barely eating, very underweight, and we’re trying to get his caloric intake UP! And my husband…well… We do convenience foods/fast food often. I have so many questions about how this will all look if I have surgery! Are you making 2 completely different meals for yourself and your family? (I already often make something different for the one who doesn’t eat anything!) How do you manage family food needs while meeting your own as well? I’m afraid of turning to even more convenience foods for family. This seems selfish though. It feels like such a hard balance as a family after surgery! Can anyone relate and tell me how you’ve managed?

Sorry so long - thanks for reading!

[learn2cook 494]

Congratulations on your new home and your WL journey. It sounds like you’ve got two kids with sensory issues around foods, my son has ASD so I can relate. You just got to take care of you. The old saying about putting your own oxygen mask on in the airplane before you help other people is true.

At first my family ate separately, but we all got over that and we eat together now. I just measure my portions out. The kid eats what he wants, some kid version of what I have like dinosaur chicken nugget when I have chicken. He has veggies on his plate that he might pass on, but he’s being offered healthy choices. He likes the veggie catchup and eats enough of that to qualify as a vegetable. He also started drinking a splash of coffee in a Protein Shake for breakfast! You just balance as best as you can, but take care of you first!

[ShoppGirl 3,382]

Sounds like your have your plate full at mealtime (pardon the pun). I saw this on a show about nutrition for kids. You make one nutritious thing that you know they will like so you know they will not go hungry but then put other options on their plate as well and let them eat what they want. Not sure iF this will work for one or both of your two but it seemed like a good idea to me. I guess the idea is to find more nutritious options that they do like.

I definitely agree you have to worry about yourself first though. If you don’t, and you aren’t around Then who is gonna do it. Your health matters too. My husband and I cook our own meals most nights because we eat different things (we always have really). Perhaps yours could pitch In A bit?? Does he mind cooking?? If not, he may eat less take out if he gets to choose his own meals. It will be fairly easy for you through. If you cook a lean Protein a starch and a veggie. You just eat the protein and skip the sides for the most part post surgery maybe having a few bites of veggies if you have room.

Edited September 23, 2022 by ShoppGirl

[Queen ApisM 426]

I ate separately only for the first few months when I was on purees and that sort of thing. Once I transitioned to real food, we started eating the same things again. Having said that, we don't have kids to worry about so we were just dealing with the two of us.

[ShoppGirl 3,382]

Yea I guess I wasn’t very clear. What I meant to say is that if you and your husband do like the same things it shouldn’t be much different post surgery because you will just eat less of what he eats and focus on the Protein having a few bites of veggies if you have room. In the very beginning you will be eating differenly of course but the liquid phase requires no cooking and the purée phase can be whatever your family is having puréed and if you don’t like that (I didn’t) it’s fairly easy stuff like refried Beans. Soft food phase you may be able to plan a menu where you can eat what others do unless you have a really fussy tummy still but for sure once you return to normal foods you will be able to enjoy the same meal. This is all assuming that you make a lean protein, a veggie and probably another side for your hubby. Also, you may find that you get some very helpful tips for yourself and your kids in terms of nutrition because you will have a dietician or nutritionist that you work with most likely because this is often a requirement of your insurance and team. If it isn’t I really think you should consider seeing one anyways as they can be a great deal of help along this process.

Edited September 24, 2022 by ShoppGirl

[SpartanMaker 676]

Since you're still in the investigatory stage, something for you to think about is are YOU really ready? Your concerns about how to feed your family are legitimate, but IMO you need to get control of your own eating whether or not you have weight loss surgery.

Keep in mind that WLS is just a tool. You still have to put in the work. There are plenty of people that regain after WLS and the main reasons center around not eating healthy foods and lack of exercise. My point is I STRONGLY recommend improving your diet before WLS. Trying to completely change your diet after surgery just makes the entire process a lot harder. Prove to yourself that you can consistently provide healthy meals to yourself and your family and only then have WLS to give you a tool to help you reach your goals.

It's been said a thousand times, but losing weight is a mental game, not a physical one. I strongly recommend you start working on the mental part now. So many of us have unhealthy relationships with food. Now is that time to address that, not after surgery.

Best of luck in your journey.

[Arabesque 6,488]

I can’t speak from experience & not from the challenges you face but there are small things you can do.

Not at first of course, but you may be able to introduce low carb, high Protein option swaps like the vegetable pastas, breads, wraps, tortillas, etc. Once you put the sauce on the Pasta, the fillings in the breads, etc. there isn’t a lot of taste difference.

There are also meals you can make where you eat the parts you can & the family have sides they enjoy separately. Like you have the mince sauce alone while your family has the full spaghetti bolognese. Or you have the meat fillings from tacos but not the shells (you can use lettuce as shells). A friend used to make large pots of Soup but she’d take her serves out before adding what she couldn’t eat like before adding noodles in chicken noodle soup. She told me she never made separate meals for her family but she doesn’t have the same considerations you do. Just go through your family favourite recipes & see how you can modify them & keep everyone happy.

Batch batch cooking can be your best friend. Make double the meal & freeze half so on nights you’re tempted to seek convenience foods, you have a family meal on the freezer. Or freeze extra individual serves for yourself to have on nights you can’t eat what your family wants. I love my freezer - it’s filled with many meal options. I sometimes call it my takeaway - defrost & a meal in a few minutes with help from the microwave. Quicker than the local takeaway or home delivery.

This is also something to talk through with your dietician. They should be able to offer some suggestions to help modify your family meals without adding too much more to your work load.

I taught for many years, I know a couple of families who were able to make some progress with managing their children with behavioural issues through dietary adjustments like less sugar, fewer high processed foods, etc. Of course they went through a lot of anguish during the transition but it was worthwhile. Of course it may be something you have explored already & it doesn’t work for everyone, I don’t know your specific situation or your child’s needs & it might be too much for you to consider or deal with currently. It was just a thought.

All the best.

[Spinoza 1,190]

On 9/23/2022 at 9:38 PM, HealthierBefore45 said:

We do convenience foods/fast food often.

This might be the most important sentence in your post OP. Do you eat fast food because you don't like to cook from scratch? Or is it lack of time and, if so, could you change that in the run up to surgery? Cooking from scratch takes no more (or not much more) time than ordering and picking up a fast food meal for all, and you can make/adjust all the twiddly bits on the side that make it good for every member of your family. I live with 3 fussy eaters and I work really long hours and yet we can sit down to a meal every evening that has been made from fresh things. That's not to blow my own trumpet - I'm really lazy, LOL. I just have a stock of dinners that I can do quickly and that I can add veg, carbs, Protein etc. to as we need it. Now that I'm 10 months post sleeve I just eat smaller quantities and in a different order than the rest of the family.

I will eat a ragu but no Pasta (family eats all); fish pie without the potato topping; roast chicken/beef/pork/lamb dinner but just meat and a little veg; even bruschetta without the bread; curry no rice, LOL. Etc.!!! Oh and Soup is your friend - you do it with bread for your family, none for you.

Honestly it's not hard after you get used to it. I wish you the best for your journey.